The Spaces Between
by Bumbling Bard
Summary: This fills the spaces between episodes from Season 3 after Tsunami through the ending of the show in Season 6. It explores the dialogue and events that occur between episodes. The growth and tests of the many friendships Xena and Gabrielle have, and their own relationship. Reviews welcome! Follow along - more to come almost daily.
1. Chapter 1

The Spaces Between

_This is a thread of stories and character monologues that fill the spaces between episodes from Season 3 after the episode Tsunami through the ending of the television show in Season 6. It explores the many relationships, people and places within the Xena realm. It is neither graphic violently nor sexually explicit; though it does acknowledge and respectfully explore the intimacy between characters. If you have not watched Xena, this may not be the best fit for you as it supposes knowledge of the character's journeys through many of its episodes. While it does imagine new places, it does not introduce any significant new characters and its main purpose is to imagine what happened in the moments that 22 episodes a season could not explore. If the idea or depiction of same gender relationships for some reason offends you – I make no apology but humbly suggest you read a different thread. Ares is not the love of Xena's life in this scenario. :) __**Disclaimer: Xena is a copyright of MCA/Universal Television and its characters do not belong to me. This is creative license with characters originally created for television. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit will be made from these stories.**_

_These stories are copyrighted to me… feedback is welcome at bumblinbard _

Chapter One - Realization

They had been traveling for many days, still not fully sure of their destination. This walk was quiet. There was a stillness between them that neither could fully understand. For many moons now they had traveled together and these last seasons had been difficult. A time that had both tested their friendship and all at once reminded them that they could never truly be separated. It was as if one gave the other the very breath to live. They had merely existed before finding one another. Now they were alive. But lately they seemed trapped in a stillness and silence that at times was unbearable.

"Let's stop here for the night," Xena chimed.

Gabrielle felt no need to respond. This was as good a place as any. Still, a piece of her dreaded the added stillness and silence of stopping. At least walking allowed her to occupy herself, busy her body in a way that could hide the endless thoughts in her mind. She nodded an agreeable smile to Xena as Xena led Argo away for safe keeping. She started her normal routine, unpacking the bed rolls, the cooking utensils and gathering wood for a fire. At least this would keep her busy.

After a few minutes the warrior returned, "I'm going to walk down to the stream and see about some fish."

"That sounds like a good idea….I'll see you in a bit," Gabrielle kept her eyes fixed on the tasks at hand.

Xena wandered slowly down the sloping hill to the stream. Fishing always calmed her. Calmed her thought, calmed her doubts. Ever since fighting the Persians her mind had been preoccupied. It was strange. It wasn't as if she and Gabrielle hadn't faced death before. They had; and worse. But, this had been different for her. Watching as Gabrielle's health began to fade and watching the young woman exhibit such strength and courage. She could not deny the changes in her traveling partner. Gabrielle was not a shy, babbling, innocent young girl any longer. She was a strong, independent, intelligent woman. The change was undeniable; unavoidable. When Xena thought that she might lose her in that place; that Gabrielle might really leave this life; a fear took hold of her that she had never known. Xena felt a compelling need to protect her; that was all that seemed to matter. She tried to push her anxiety aside, but it kept rolling through her mind like leaves on the wind. She couldn't control it. And, for a warrior, control is everything.

As her feet hit the water she began to laugh. She couldn't help but imagine Gabrielle kissing her own reflection just a few weeks ago. She had thought that Gabrielle was about to confess some feeling for her when she pulled Gabrielle from the water to shore that day; but the madness of the bard's obsession intervened. She wondered what Gabrielle would have said had she not been under Aphrodite's mischievous spell. She chuckled again, partly at the absurdity of their life together and partly because Gabrielle often entertained her; though she'd loath to admit it.

Xena again turned her attention to the fish. They would need to eat and she enjoyed the challenge of fishing. As she felt beneath the surface her thoughts turned to the ship they had recently traveled on. Another crisis; even nature would not seem to give them peace. She recalled the sight of Gabrielle running to meet her on that beach. They had beaten the odds again; together. Since then things had been quiet. A painful hush had overcome them both. Perhaps it was because there had been little adventure these last few weeks. It was unusually uneventful. There were simply no diversions. Xena shrugged as she brought the fish to shore. In spite of the tension between them she was ready to be back with Gabrielle. Even under strain, there was no place that she would rather be.

Gabrielle was busy at the camp site. She had managed to get the fire started and was sitting on a large log she'd moved to the fire's side. The embers from the flames shooting into the sky reminded her of the many funeral pyres she had already stood beside. Each one tearing at her soul, and each time Xena comforting her. It wasn't as if Xena hadn't said she loved her. It wasn't as if Gabrielle hadn't told Xena the same. She remembered the first time she nearly lost her best friend. The way Xena looked at her; quelling her speech and replacing it with what seemed to be a knowing kiss. Surely, Xena had to know how she felt after she'd traveled to Chin, even if the bard herself could not grasp it. But, professions of love were anything but complete. It was the freezing waters of reality on that ship that seemed to have brought them to this place. A shiver went up Gabrielle's spine. Even the warmth of the burning flames before her could not prevent that chill. Her thoughts immediately turned to those hours sinking beneath the sea. Wet, cold, afraid - yet determined; reaching to hold Xena's hand for strength and comfort. She could almost feel the cold sand under her feet as she searched the vast blue before her for any sign of her companion, unable to breathe for a moment. A familiar sensation of fear that she could never grow used to. Their life was constant upheaval, danger and uncertainty; and the most ironic part of all of it was that the only thing Gabrielle had ever been certain of in her life was this journey with Xena.

Gabrielle's thoughts were abruptly broken by the sound of Xena humming. It was a welcome sound, one she had not heard much recently and she smiled. "What did you catch?"

"Aw.. Just some _**little**_ fishies…"

Gabrielle giggled. "Well, little is better than none," she winked. Of course the fish were never THAT little but Gabrielle knew that fishing presented just another competition for Xena, though the warrior seemed in fairly high spirits after her short expedition. Usually they talked while Gabrielle cooked. As with all things of late, that hadn't happened in days. The bard just didn't have the same presence of mind for her usual storytelling. "Why don't you go feed Argo? I'll have this done in a bit." Xena nodded in agreement, reached for one of the satchels on the ground and headed the short distance to where Argo was tied.

"I swear I don't know what to say," She sighed. Argo nudged at her hand and Xena laughed, "Yeah, I know." She was unsure how to break the tension. Lately her jokes seemed to fall flat and making banter just seemed empty. She knew they needed to talk about something – about anything. "Well, here goes nothin'," she brushed Argo's neck and headed back to the camp.

Xena could smell dinner well before she made it to the camp site. The truth was that Gabrielle was a good cook. She stopped for a moment and found herself considering what would have happened if Perdicus had lived. It was a moot point to be sure, but every now and again when she smelled a meal upon the fire or watched Gabrielle cleaning one of their many resting places, she wondered. Would that have been better for the bard? She would never dare suggest that to Gabrielle, knowing what it world spark, but at times it invaded her thoughts. After a deep breath she continued to the camp smiling as she saw her companion's face gently lit by the fire before her.

"Hungry?" The bard asked.

"I am." She sat across from her best friend graciously accepting the meal and watched as Gabrielle slowly picked at her food. "You know what I was thinking about when I was fishing?" Xena asked.

"I'm afraid to ask," a smile crept onto Gabrielle's face as her eyes met her friend's.

"You… you kissing your reflection in that lake," Xena started laughing.

Gabrielle sighed and chuckled at the same time, "Well, _**someone **_has to be obsessed with me," she laughed. It was a half-dig at her companion and Xena felt the barb but dismissed it as a welcome retort.

"What? Monkey man not good enough for you?" she raised her eyebrow.

Gabrielle looked up with a playful glare. It was a look Xena had seen many times these last few years but one that had been markedly absent since they left the sea shore those weeks ago. "Not quite what I had in mind," Gabrielle quipped.

"Ha," Xena laughed; relieved and grateful for a bit of chatter and levity.

"I'm tired." Gabrielle put the frying pan aside. "I think I will do this in the morning" She set it down and headed toward the bed roll, placing a hand on Xena's shoulder, "Good night".

Xena stared into the fire for a long while. She knew full well that Gabrielle was awake. She waited. Finally she gave in and laid down on the bed roll beside her best friend.

"Gabrielle," no response. "Gabrielle, I know you are wake…"

"Yes." The truth was she hadn't slept much lately. She pulled herself up to rest on her elbow, "What is it?"

"I feel like there is something I should say," Xena began. Gabrielle looked puzzled. Her bewilderment turned in an instant to concern. At times Xena could surprise her and she sensed in Xena that something was bothering her.

"What?... What is it?"

"You haven't been talking much lately…. I mean we haven't been…"

"I know."

"Did I do something to upset you?"

"No." Gabrielle said firmly. "No," and now she chuckled, "not at all."

"Well, since we left that beach…"

Gabrielle interrupted, "I know….. I don't know. I guess, maybe I just don't know what to say. I mean, Xena, we're always fighting. If we're not fighting some warlord or saving some village from a giant, we're fighting with nature, or Gods…"

Now it was Xena's turn to jump in, "I know…"

"It's just I never really get to think," Gabrielle continued. "Does that sound as crazy to you as it does to me," she chuckled. "Even when I write, I write about our adventures, where we go, who we meet, but I don't have time to just sit with all of those thoughts; what all of those things mean."

It remained silent for a minute. "What have you been thinking about?" Xena's fears overtook her. The truth was that she feared Gabrielle leaving more that she had ever feared anything in her life. It was unfamiliar territory for her; still. The thought of losing Gabrielle conjured images of Lyceus. He had been her best friend, not only her brother – her confidante'. Losing him was a pain she could not describe; but losing Gabrielle – even the thought of it aroused a sorrow Xena could not comprehend. Perhaps Gabrielle had reached her end with all of this chaos. Who could blame her?

Gabrielle, for her part was unsure how to answer. She wasn't entirely sure _**what**_she _**had**_been thinking. All she knew was that she loved Xena, perhaps more than she should. She didn't know what that meant. She didn't know how to explain it. She just knew she didn't ever want to lose Xena to anything or to anyone.

"Gabrielle, tell me," the warrior hesitated, "If this life is too much for you… you've grown tired,"

Gabrielle looked at Xena inquisitive and yet annoyed, "What are you talking about?"

"Look, these past seasons..."

"Have been awful."

"Yes. They have been. And you, you deserve to be happy….."

Gabrielle stopped the statement immediately," Who said I'm not happy? I just said I have had time to think."

Silence crept back in. Gabrielle pulled herself up to sit. "Xena." She stopped herself. After a long pause and a deep breath she continued, "When I went to Chin…"

Gabrielle barely got the words to begin to fall from her lips when Xena stopped her, "Gabrielle, we've been through this. It's over. There is nothing to forgive."

"Why do you do that?" Gabrielle turned to face her friend who was still lying on her back gazing upward?

"What?"

"Not let me finish? Assume you know what I am going to say?" Xena was stunned at Gabrielle's obvious annoyance.

"I'm sorry"

"You know why I went to Chin."

"Yes….."

"I was jealous…"

"Gabrielle, you know you are my family..."

"Ugh… Xena. Can't you just be quiet for two minutes and let me finish a thought?" It was an odd statement since generally Gabrielle was the talker, but Xena knew she was right. Xena struggled with these types of conversations. It was her preference to offer reassurance and end the subject. In most cases Gabrielle would comply. This was clearly not one of those times.

"I'm sorry… go on…"

"I don't even KNOW what I am thinking. What am I supposed to say? Here we are on this road, on any road, every day I worry about you. Every time you leave – even for an hour… I worry about who might find you – what might happen. If you are gone a moment too long…."

Xena cut her off, "Gabrielle, we've been through this before… I can take care of myself. I always come back, don't I?"

Gabrielle shook her head and rose to her feet. "You just don't get it, do you Xena?" Xena assumed the sitting position, completely astounded and unsure of what was happening.

"You think I just worry about warlords? I know you can handle a sword, Xena, really…"

Xena stared blankly at Gabrielle's face which was lit softly by the glowing embers of the dying fire behind her. Gabrielle was beautiful. Beautiful when she was angry and that fire twinkled in her eyes. Every time Xena saw that fire she was left breathless. She stilled herself. She did not want Gabrielle to know what she was thinking. She didn't want to admit it to herself. She had known for years. Known the day she pulled Gabrielle up onto Argo. Every time she looked at Gabrielle she was aware. This was the love of her life. The only real love she had ever known and the only untouchable. This was part of her sentence; to love a person so completely without ever knowing their warmth.

"What are you talking about?" Xena asked. "What are you frightened of?"

Gabrielle could not face Xena. Her mind was racing as fast as her emotions; flooded suddenly with the images of Xena's many conquests; not her conquests on the battlefield; the conquests of the heart. She turned to face the fire. The air was thick, it hung heavy above them both.

"All those times you have said you will never leave me…" Gabrielle began

"I would never leave you…" Xena answered, "Don't you believe that?"

Gabrielle closed her eyes and let go a long sigh. "I know that, you will always be here for me. I know."

"Okay?" Xena questioned.

"Look, I know that I am not anything compared to Marcus or Ares, Ulysses, Lao Ma…"

Xena could not move. What was Gabrielle saying? Why would she compare herself to anyone else in Xena's life? She felt as though she were being pressed by heavy stones. Gabrielle was still facing the dwindling fire. Xena shook her head, "no, Gabrielle you're NOT anything compared to them," she exhaled, "You are everything to me. Don't you know that by now?" A tear slowly drifted down the warrior's cheek.

Gabrielle turned and looked at her; the tear leaving its streak on her friend's face . Compassion overtook her. She nearly forgot everything she had said to the warrior simply at the sight of the tear on Xena's cheek. It only took a few steps before she knelt next to this woman she had come to call her best friend. She wiped the tears as they continued to fall slowly and silently, "Xena…"

Xena could not lift her eyes. She felt the gentleness of her friend's touch on her cheek, its warmth, but she could not speak.

"Xena," Gabrielle lifted her face. "I don't understand. Why are you crying?"

Xena looked into Gabrielle's green eyes as she had so many times before. Somehow this was different. She was not in control of this moment. The realization that Gabrielle had ever thought she could be less was unbearable. "Why would you ever compare yourself to anyone?" the tears still trickling down her cheek.

Gabrielle sat down next to her and put her hands in her lap. She didn't even think about the words as they began to pass from her lips. "All these years… all this time you have laid beside me. We've faced _death_ together and you have held me through the longest nights…but you have never wanted to be _with me_." Now a tear graced the cheek of the bard.

Xena could hardly believe what she was hearing. She had never even entertained the idea that Gabrielle would want her as anything but a best friend. She understood their connection intrinsically, but always believed Gabrielle was searching for her mate. Another silent pause as Xena considered the implications. "Gabrielle." Gabrielle sat staring at the bed roll, embarrassed and insecure. "Would you please look at me?"

"I can't," She replied so softly she could barely hear her own response.

"Why not?"

"It's okay Xena. Just forget about it. I don't even know what I am saying."

"Gabrielle, you always know what you are saying." Xena paused and looked skyward as if seeking an answer from above. "You think I don't want to be with you?"

The bard could not answer. She was suddenly afraid - and unsure what she was more afraid of; that Xena would reject her or that she wouldn't. It was as if every sound could be heard around them, the breeze in the grass, the stream down the hill, the fire crackling; all begging to be broken by words. This was unavoidable. Neither knew where this conversation would lead, both afraid and knowing that no matter what everything would change.

Xena allowed the silence for what seemed like hours but truly had only been a few moments. Her hand now reached for Gabrielle, gently compelling her face upward. Gabrielle did her best to avoid the gaze of the warrior's steel blue eyes; eyes that could pierce her soul; but Xena was persistent. "Gabrielle," their eyes met as the strong hand of the warrior cradled the young face of the bard, "there isn't a day, not a moment that I don't want to be with you," her own admission summoned a wave of fear. She'd said it. She felt a tear flow again. She felt naked. More exposed than she had ever been with any lover. Gabrielle's eyes were so tender. She looked at Xena with such amazement but she did not answer the warrior. "Gabrielle...I don't ever want to hurt you. Not intentionally, not unintentionally…"

Gabrielle did not avert her gaze. She seemed to allow the hint of a smile but her voice was firm. "You cannot protect me from everything, Xena. You can't. We both know that."

Xena could not look away. The fire was almost completely out; just flickering ash rising and crackling. It was the moonlight now that seemed to reflect off Gabrielle's face. She remained fixed on her companion, searching her eyes, struggling to tame the beat of her heart. This was not lust. It was not passion. She loved Gabrielle. She was in love with her and she could not deny that any longer, not to herself and not to the bard. "I want you to have everything, Gabrielle….. A good life."

Gabrielle took a deep breath, closed her eyes as if to gather her strength, and as she opened them to speak she reached for Xena's face, gently caressing it. "I have everything. A good life."

Xena was paralyzed as Gabrielle leaned forward, softly smiling and placed her lips upon the warrior's. They had been there before, but this was a lover's kiss. Part of the warrior wanted to pull away; run away, but she felt her lips part and search for Gabrielle's. It was the softest kiss Xena had ever known. It was exactly as she had imagined it might be when she allowed herself that luxury. Even if she wanted to, she couldn't stop this. It was the most frightening and the most exhilarating feeling she could recall. No battle, no lover, no journey had ever made her feel this way and it terrified her.

The kiss lasted a few minutes before Xena pulled back with a sigh.

"What's wrong?" Gabrielle calmly urged.

Xena could not believe that her tears were falling again. Gabrielle would surely think her an idiot. 'Some warrior,' she thought to herself.

"Xena," Gabrielle looked at her, "it's all right. I understand." Gabrielle had reached the conclusion that Xena did not truly want her as a lover. She was devastated, but unwilling to see the love of her life in pain. "Let's just go to sleep, okay? We don't have to talk about this anymore."

Xena sat dazed as Gabrielle rolled to her side, fighting back a well of tears as best she could, but the quivering of her body gave her away. She felt a strong hand on her back reaching over her as it had so many times before. The strength of Xena's embrace only increased the flow of her tears. "Gabrielle, I love you."

"I know." She was in a ball attempting to control her emotion. It surprised her when she felt the hands around her pull her closer.

"No. Gabrielle. I am in love with you," her voice broke, "I can't believe you don't know that."

Gabrielle took a deep breath. What did that mean? The strong hands and arms pulled her over. She was instantly met with Xena's longing stare.

"I …." Gabrielle began

"You don't want me?" Xena asked.

"No," Gabrielle sighed through her tears, "I do."

The denials were at an end. Xena softly kissed her, stroked her hair and held her close. She could not say a word to the bard. She just searched her green eyes for the permission to continue and kissed her again. Xena trembled. She'd had many lovers but Gabrielle felt like her first. She sensed, not apprehension in the bard, but rather her self-consciousness.

"Xena, I don't know… I haven't been..." the bard whispered, a tear caressing her cheek.

Xena's fingers pressed to the bards lips in a gentle motion to hush. Gabrielle remembered that first kiss when she thought she'd lost Xena forever. It was Xena's way of reassuring her that her fears were understood and that she was safe. This kiss was the same, yet completely different. Gabrielle felt her new lover's tongue brush against her own. She felt her hand drift along the warrior's back, still clad in leather. Xena kissed her neck and her shoulder and looked again into Gabrielle's eyes to be certain that she was still all right; that she felt safe. Always a need to protect her, even from the warrior herself.

Gently Xena reached for the laces on Gabrielle's top, mesmerized by the love of her life's eyes. Her hands were strong, but there was a tenderness in her touch. It was softer than Gabrielle could have imagined. Small kisses fell about the bard's neck slowly traveling to her chest. Gabrielle could not help but gasp. This was too much to feel. She closed her eyes and let herself go.

"You are so beautiful," Xena whispered. It was not the type of pillow talk the warrior was used to but it was how she felt. "I want you to know how much I want you."

Gabrielle's eyes flung open partly from desire and partly from fear. No one had ever spoken to her like that. "Don't ever doubt what you are in my life," the warrior assured as she kissed her bard, her friend, now her lover. Slipping her slowly back onto the furs beneath them she began to make love to her companion. The warrior part of her just wanted to devour this creature; but this was her Gabrielle. The most innocent and pure thing in her life. There was a compassion that took hold of her now. Few had ever seen this side of Xena. Only Gabrielle could command it in this way.

The sensations of the warrior's hands and lips about her body were foreign to Gabrielle. She saw flashes in her mind, flashes of the past, flashes of colors, even what she thought might be their future. She grabbed the bed rolls and tried to control herself as she felt Xena's hand slip beneath her waist.

"Xena?" She whispered, almost as if she were asking if Xena was sure.

Xena just smiled and continued gently caressing her and raised her head to quell any doubts with a kiss. When she pulled away Gabrielle felt a warm and soft sensation on her breasts. It was gentle but firm and her body began to move in time with her lover's. Again Xena smiled, this time with satisfaction as she made the journey to enter her innocent new lover slowly. Gabrielle lost her breath. She had only ever been with Perdicus and that had been clumsy at best. She had loved him, but never as she loved Xena. In truth Xena had always been in her thoughts, every moment a distant echo and a constant presence; she just didn't understand what that meant until recently. Within moments Gabrielle found herself at the brink. She felt as if she were being pulled under by tremendous waves, rocked and shifted, up and down, unable to take a full breath… suddenly she felt Xena's kiss… her tongue searching intertwining… until the waves pounded so hard that she was brought back to the surface. Slipping quietly into her best friend's embrace; her partner in all things now.

They laid together in silence now, a peaceful silence had replaced the tension of hours past. Even the battling bard could not find adequate words, not even 'I love you' seemed it would suffice. It was as if both had discovered a place that neither knew existed. There was completion, connection. The warrior's hands continued to stroke the bard's long hair, watching her drift away into the land of Morpheus. "By the Gods," Xena whispered believing her lover asleep, "I love you more than life itself."

Gabrielle shifted and rolled to face her champion. She hadn't been able to speak, hadn't known what to say. She felt anxious about the reality of making love to Xena. Every fiber of her was consumed thinking of nothing else, but afraid that she would disappoint this woman she so admired. Disappointing Xena was one of Gabrielle's greatest fears in life. That her companion would not view her as an equal but as a child, or worse, a follower. "Xena…"

"Yes?" the warrior's face was soft and comforting.

"I didn't," the bard's confidence of speech fumbled, "disappoint you," she mumbled.

"Disappoint me? Gabrielle, you could never disappoint me."

Gabrielle smiled. She knew that Xena was sincere, she could see it in her eyes. "I want to…" but she couldn't make the words come. She hated to admit she was a bit embarrassed, unsure what Xena was thinking about the experience. She couldn't stop shaking inside. Xena's arms provided a feeling of strength and confidence that surrounded her, but she wondered how she could ever satisfy the beautiful woman next to her, 'How can I possibly make her feel that way?' she asked herself.

The warrior beside her was all too aware of what thoughts might be traveling through the young mind of her love. "Gabrielle, hush now. We have all the time in the world….. I know," she stopped to dry Gabrielle's tears. "No tears now. I can't stand to see you cry."

Gabrielle could scarcely believe the love in Xena's eyes. She had seen it every day but now she seemed to drown in it. For years every true emotion was conveyed in a glance and now she had words, she had the warrior's touch and it overwhelmed her.

"In time," Xena whispered, "sleep now. We both know there will be no waking you in the morning if you don't." At that Gabrielle giggled and kissed her lover.

"I love you, Xena," she whispered in her ear.

"I know." Xena chimed back playfully. A feeling of comfort overtook them both.


	2. Chapter 2

The Spaces Between

Chapter Two - Discovery

Life was never easy. It was not the life of simple town folk for Xena and Gabrielle. They were careful. Careful about their relationship in front of others. Careful where they traveled. Careful who they trusted. For a few moons they had truly been happy. Alone much of the time. It was as if the Gods had bestowed upon them a reward for all of their sacrifices. They were given time to discover one another. And that time was precious to them both. There were no pretenses when they were alone anymore. They grew closer every day.

Gabrielle would watch her partner every night, sharpen her sword, wander the fire, remove her breastplate and slowly climb onto their bed roll. She was still amazed by this woman. She was so strong, a commanding presence that made Gabrielle feel safe. More than that, with Gabrielle, Xena was a gentle and loving soul. It was hard to believe that the same hands that caressed the bard every night had taken so many lives. And, it was ironic, because every touch made Gabrielle feel newly alive.

Xena was happier than she had ever been. At times her restlessness seemed to get the best of her and she would imagine the next battle, the next adventure. But, she knew those things would inevitably find them. And here in this time, she just wanted to love Gabrielle. In truth, Xena was more vulnerable with her lover than in any battle. And, Gabrielle needn't have worried about making love to the warrior. Just the sight of the bard brought Xena to places she had never dreamed existed. Gabrielle's soft skin, her compassionate and loving touch, her kiss; everything about her seemed to envelop the warrior's senses. She could not protect herself. She could not control her mind, her body, her heart… Gabrielle commanded them all.

Still, there was a lingering anxiety within the warrior princess. Her Amazon had grown strong, but she feared still that this life would eventually grow tiresome for the beautiful Gabrielle. Xena knew she was not the settling down type. She often wondered how she would survive when Gabrielle realized that so many of the things she longed for were not possible on this road; in this life. 'It's a question of when,' the warrior princess thought, 'when she will leave."


	3. Chapter 3

The Spaces Between

Chapter 3 - Loss

As both expected, the days of solitude and peace were not to be long lived. Neither could have anticipated that one of the most painful and confusing pieces of their life would present the next challenge. It was Hope. It was Callisto. Callisto had taken Perdicus from Gabrielle. Hope had engineered the loss of Solon… and Gabrielle was forced to lose Hope. All of it confusing. All of it painful. Tearing best friends from one another in a way they had never thought possible. Facing these women would again test their bond, now so much deeper than it had been. Where it led was the darkest place the warrior had ever traveled. The deepest fear and loneliness Xena had ever known.

Xena awoke suddenly reaching across the earth beneath her, "Gabrielle!" she screamed. There was no answer, just as the nights that had passed before – she was alone. She had traveled to the land of the dead, she knew her lover had to be alive: somewhere. Was she all right? The warrior cupped her own face in her hands. No one would believe that she could sob. She was lost. Some nights she had wished for death - the pain in her heart was searing. She would close her eyes and drift away imagining Gabrielle was next to her, forcing herself to hear the sound of her companion's voice and she would wake the same way – watching her lover fall through fire; helpless.

"I will find you." She said to herself. "No matter what. I will find you


	4. Chapter 4

The Spaces Between

Chapter 4 - Reunion

Seeing Gabrielle in front of her was a dream come true. Xena had begun to wonder if she would ever feel complete again. Feeling Gabrielle in her arms made her knees weak. She knew she had to let go; she had to tell her that Hope was alive. Gabrielle's great Hope. All at once Xena was filled with love and pain. She knew how much Gabrielle loved her daughter in spite of what she was. Hope was still a part of her. But, she also knew that Gabrielle had to know. And she knew that their reunion would be cut short by what awaited them.

Gabrielle searched Xena's eyes and instantly knew what the warrior was struggling to say. Her daughter was alive. "By the God's," Gabrielle sighed, "she's alive." And she knew that this would also not be a long reunion. Gabrielle's time in the hospice made clear for her the depth of darkness in her child. Whatever part of Gabrielle, Hope held, it would never reach the surface of her soul. Gabrielle knew what it meant to truly love and she knew Hope could never find that within her, no matter how much love she held for her daughter. Gabrielle's heart nearly broke when Hope asked why her mother didn't love her. She loved her, always. That just didn't change anything. Watching her die; again… it was inevitable and it was painful. Living through it here, here in Potedaia made it worse. It reminded Gabrielle of all the dysfunction in her family.

Potedaia was not Xena's favorite destination either. She knew the contempt that Gabrielle's family had for her. She didn't know if they suspected the true nature of their relationship but she was sure that if they hadn't before they would shortly. After being separated for so long, regardless of the stress that now surrounded them, neither could truly take her eyes off the other.

For Gabrielle, losing Hope again was no less devastating than it had been before. Gabrielle fully understood the evil that encompassed Hope. Still, like any mother she could only see that sweet baby in her arms. She longed for her to be good, for her to just be a simple child. She had never allowed herself that thought aloud, and certainly never to Xena; how much she longed for a child. That was something Xena could not give her. The one space, the only void in her heart that Xena could not fill. She remembered watching her warrior with Solon. How overcome she was with love in her heart; for them both, knowing that he was a part of Xena. They hadn't even been lovers then. Now, she couldn't imagine what that would feel like. It pained her to know that Xena was never able to feel that watching her hold Hope. She knew why but she could not deny the pain it caused in her heart. Gabrielle could not know that Xena had recalled Hope's birth many times, wishing that it could have been all Gabrielle wanted. She loved watching Gabrielle nurture that baby. It tore at her soul knowing the heartbreak that Gabrielle would face.

Gabrielle's parents urged her to stay. They were never able to come to terms with their daughter's choice of companions or lifestyle. To them; she would always be a simple farm girl. It was impossible to imagine that Gabrielle truly wanted to follow Xena. Lila seemed the only one who understood her, or at least accepted her choices. As she stood in the kitchen of the small farmhouse, Xena at her side, she could have sworn she saw a tear in her father's eye. Not a tear of disappointment, but perhaps of realization. He motioned to the taller woman whose jaw was tight with apprehension. Gabrielle felt her breath leave her as she watched her lover follow her father through the door, but she knew where she needed to stay. She trusted Xena.

There was much to say, but Herodicus could barely find his footing in front of the imposing figure that stood before him. He didn't want to admit that he could understand his daughter's attraction to the woman. She was not only an athletic display, she was beautiful. And he had noticed that any time the warrior looked at his daughter her eyes seemed to soften to a crystalline blue.

"You know," he began, "I don't approve of her following you."

Xena remained silent.

"She is not a warrior. She's a girl. If you really cared for her you would leave her here, safe with her family," he kept his eyes to the ground.

Xena's jaw tightened even further. Herodicus did not even know his daughter anymore, perhaps Gabrielle was right and he never really had. She began slowly, "She's not a girl," she allowed the pause to linger and the man to lift his stare, "She is a woman. Her own woman. Strong. Capable. Intelligent. She has her own mind."

He was speechless. Were they talking about the same person? His daughter?

"When Gabrielle sets her mind to something; there is no changing it. Not for you. Not for me." Her voice seemed to lift from its seriousness just slightly as she continued, "I have many skills, Herodicus, controlling Gabrielle is not one of them."

He was stunned. He had never allowed himself to consider that his innocent daughter truly chose this journey for herself. As he stared at the warrior before him, Xena caught sight behind him of the woman they both loved approaching.

"Father."

He turned to see his daughter reach for the warrior's hand. His heart stopped.

"Father," she continued, "I love you. I do. But… my place is with Xena. That is MY choice, not yours, not her's… it is mine – whatever that brings," she smiled as she removed her hand from her lover's and placed it in her father's. "I hope one day you will understand."

Herodicus was not nearly the hard man he tried to be. He loved his children. His eyes were watery. "Be careful," he said squeezing her hand more tightly than Gabrielle could ever recall. His eyes shifted to the powerful woman behind his daughter. He thought he might note the tension in her jaw relaxing just a bit, "Take care of her."

"Always," the warrior assured. With that they were off again. Xena pulled Gabrielle onto Argo. Normally, still, Gabrielle walked beside them, but after being apart for so long, Xena could not bear the thought of not feeling the bard every minute she could.

They rode in utter silence for hours. Gabrielle held onto Xena's waist resting her head on her back from time to time, admiring her stature, allowing her hand to twist through the warrior's raven hair whenever the pace slowed slightly.

Xena just drank Gabrielle in. She wasn't certain why she was pushing Argo so hard. Nervous energy, perhaps.

Both of the women were exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. Xena knew there was a small lake just a short distance ahead. She and Gabrielle had been there before. It was a serene place where the water was clear and calm and surrounded by trees. "Almost there," she assured breaking the silence.

Gabrielle stroked the warrior's hair. "I love you," she said in a whisper almost as if she were telling a secret to herself.

Xena felt her heart lodge in her throat. There were no words to describe how she felt. It reminded her a bit of that first night two seasons ago. The night she first truly held Gabrielle. The moment everything had changed in her life; forever. They had barely begun to realize what was between them when Gabrielle had been ripped from her. She wondered if the bard could believe how much she had been missed.

Gabrielle recognized the area almost immediately. They _had_ been here before. This is where she had kissed her reflection. She smiled as Xena extended her hand. This was a place of happy memories. It reminded them that to most; their life was simply a journey filled with violence – few realized the strange concoction that filled their days of love and playfulness which penetrated even their most difficult battles. Who could imagine that the hardest fought, the most devastating battles they faced were never comprised of an exchange of weapons? They were life's moments. Life's questions, just like any other relationship, anywhere. That in and of itself was an absurdity to laugh at.

It was natural for them to fall immediately back into their roles, and it was comforting. Gabrielle had brought food for that evening from home. She was relieved that she did not have to cook and that Xena did not have to leave to find them something. Though she was reluctant to admit it, she did not want the warrior out of her sight. And, she was not hungry. She was exhausted, spent. Xena pulled the bed rolls out immediately.

"Why don't you lie down for a bit? Rest."

"Where are you going?" Gabrielle asked, obliging Xena's request and lying down.

"I'm not going anywhere. Just going to start the fire and feed Argo. You need to sleep, Gabrielle."

"Humph," the bard sighed. She knew Xena was right but she couldn't help but wonder why Xena did not want to lie beside her immediately.

Xena smiled knowingly. She bent down and kissed her lover's forehead. "Gabrielle," She smiled, "we both know if I lie down on this bed roll, neither of us is going to sleep." The statement elicited a laugh from them both, immediately breaking the tension in the air.

"Well, that's good to know," The bard quipped smacking Xena's arm. "I was worried there for a moment." Xena laughed a bit harder.

"Just rest for a bit. When you wake up we'll have something to eat." Xena had barely finished her statement when she noticed the bard had immediately fallen away into sleep. "Sleep well…"

It didn't take very long for Xena to finish all of the various tasks of setting up a camp. She sat poking at the fire and watching Gabrielle sleep. She was thinking about Hope. About Solon. Worried about her partner. She knew what was in Gabrielle's heart as much as she knew what was in her own. She knew both what Gabrielle said was truth and she knew the truths that the bard did not speak. One of her main concerns in turning their relationship onto this path was Gabrielle's desire for children. The road was no place to raise a child. Occasionally Xena entertained the fantasy of Gabrielle having a baby; somehow. But, Xena could not stand the thought of anyone touching her companion. It was a sacred space to her; spiritual. She shook off her thoughts as she watched the blanket stir.

Gabrielle rustled and lifted her head to rest upon her hand. For a moment it seemed as if no time had passed at all between them. The night was clear; almost bright. And something about a campfire always seemed to lull Xena a bit. They just looked at each other and smiled. There was a fullness within each of them that neither could describe; just being there, just seeing one another. Both had learned when words were necessary and when they were best left unspoken.

"Are you hungry?" Xena asked.

Gabrielle smiled. She seemed to be more the Amazon Queen at this moment than the battling bard. "No…" she smiled. There was a twinkle in her eye that the warrior immediately understood.

"Really?" the warrior raised an eyebrow, "YOU are not hungry? Not even a little?"

"I suppose I didn't work up much of an appetite riding all afternoon and sleeping all evening," she said as she raised her own eyebrow. Gabrielle seemed to have a glow about her, perhaps refreshed from her rest. She was fixated on the woman before her. She was completely aware of what others saw in Xena. They saw her strength. They witnessed her power. They were intrigued by her body and her beauty. She was the perfect paradox. Intriguing and all together intimidating to most. To Gabrielle she was air. She saw in Xena something no one else truly ever had. She saw her flaws, she saw her weaknesses, and she saw her humanity all hidden behind the façade of a warrior, deeply emotional, loving, and vulnerable – and never wanting a soul to discover that secret. It was a secret held between only the two of them. Gabrielle was Xena's refuge and Xena, Gabrielle's inspiration.

Looking at Xena now in front of the fire Gabrielle could not help but desire her. It was strange, she thought to herself. A short while ago she would have craved the comfort of Xena's arms around her after such an event. Now all Gabrielle could think about was slowly making love to the warrior; stripping away her defenses; feeling her as only she could.

Xena had a smirk on her face, realizing where this was headed. In many ways relieved that there could be some playfulness after the weight of the last few days. She had missed this; their banter, their laughter, their flirtation. She missed that as much as anything else. She had missed everything about her companion – about their time together. And, as always she knew this too would be short lived. The life they chose to lead together was ultimately ruled by uncertainty. Violence inevitably found them. It was the reality of life with a former warlord, no matter who she was now.

Xena rested the stick she had been fondling on the log behind her and paced toward the bed roll as Gabrielle watched her every move. When the warrior reached her destination she felt a tingle climb through her body and she shuddered. Gabrielle smiled softly and grinned seductively.

"If I didn't know better," she smiled, "I would think the Warrior Princess missed me." In spite of their intimacy, Xena often struggled when Gabrielle took command of a situation; particularly one that centered on their feelings. She was all too aware of how fragile she could become when Gabrielle took over. While Xena trusted her completely; it remained a place that was foreign to her. Sometimes Gabrielle enjoyed that; knowing that she truly was the warrior's equal – if not on the battlefield, certainly in this place.

Xena remained silent, which was fine with her partner who had begun to kiss her neck gently. It was just a fact, Xena admitted to herself, 'I am powerless with her.' She was. She knew that Gabrielle needed to feel in control of something, anything right now. Facing her father, losing her daughter, being separated from her lover. She had been completely exposed and alone in so many of those moments. And, while the warrior had not told Gabrielle this, she had been broken these moons herself, broken to her core. The sensation of Gabrielle's lips on her, to feel her breath, to look into her eyes; it was almost more than the once powerful warrior could stand.

It wasn't as if Gabrielle had not made love to her before; she had. And every time Xena was amazed by the sensations that overcame her. It was as if she was completely submerged, surrounded by this beautiful woman she loved. Xena broke the silence in a submissive tone, "Gabrielle…."

Gabrielle looked at the archetype of physical perfection that lay in her arms. She was mesmerized, engulfed, transported and overpowered by the realization that she truly was holding her love. "I love you, Xena…" she whispered never stopping her constant exploration of the form before her.

It felt like home, perhaps because it was just that.


	5. Chapter 5

The Spaces Between

Chapter 5 – Romans, Children and Friends

Xena hated Romans. That was no secret. Her disdain and distrust of Caesar and his army was well earned. She had never forgotten that cross, never forgotten his betrayal and she understood what motivated the man; power. His need for power was insatiable. It was his lust. It was everything to him and that, Xena knew, destined them to confront one another until there was one final victor. Romans were not like other enemies. They were well organized, well- funded, determined and well-armed. She also knew that Caesar would stop at nothing. Their inevitable confrontations put Gabrielle at risk. That weighed heavily on the warrior princess. She was always concerned about Gabrielle being used as leverage against her, but she also worried about crushing Gabrielle's spirit. War was not like most of the battles they had fought. It was truly ugly. Sometimes it was necessary to fight, but the images, the sounds, the smell of death was something that penetrated the soul. No one knew better than Xena the hardness that could take root within a warrior. It was a hardness borne of necessity for survival, but once firmly planted it was difficult to uproot.

She hated having to ask Gabrielle to take charge of the Greek troops when they met up with Caesar and Pompey. She hated what the burden of leading those men had done to Gabrielle. It was never simply Gabrielle's physical safety that Xena was concerned for, it was her heart. It was Gabrielle's compassion, her optimism, love of life, love of Xena that kept Xena steady. Xena knew that. She also was keenly aware that traveling this path would inevitably force her partner to face many of the same demons, the questions, the realities of how destructive humanity could be that the warrior had faced for many seasons.

Their battle with Caesar and Pompey had taken a toll on Gabrielle and Xena knew it. She could see the weight on the bard's shoulders. At the same time she was struck by the grace with which Gabrielle carried that burden. Many nights she would watch the young woman sit by the fire scrolling upon a parchment. It occurred to Xena that just as Gabrielle was her compass, Gabrielle's scrolls were the bard's refuge. Gabrielle's writing kept her sane. It gave her a way to release her feelings, her doubts and it helped her remain focused. Still, Xena was all too aware that the last battle had left a mark on her lover.

She was relieved when they stumbled across Tara; even if Tara was in some kind of trouble. Tara's problems in the village presented a different kind of challenge for Xena, one that had required less fighting and more strategy. And, it allowed her to call on Autolycus. In many ways it was a happy reunion with people that both women had come to love and _trust_.

Tara, for her part, was good for both Xena and Gabrielle and Xena knew it. Tara looked up to them both, in many ways like parents. Xena liked having her around. She admired her spirit and energy and she liked the feeling of nurturing and even disciplining a child with Gabrielle. It was something neither of them had been afforded with their own children and while she had never told Gabrielle her feelings; a piece of her also longed for that experience – and she longed for it with her lover.

The days spent in that small village with their friends, watching Gabrielle struggle to control her desire to dance, filled Xena with happiness. Having Autolycus with them provided Xena some relief as well. The fact was that the thief knew Xena's heart. He had felt it within him. She did not have to explain anything to him, hide anything from him; he knew her love for the bard. He knew the depth of her questions and her longings. Xena did not have to guard herself so well with him. That constant guarding wore on her some days.

She knew that many people suspected Gabrielle was her lover, but neither woman ever discussed that beyond their own private moments. 'At least I have Autolycus' the warrior mused. Those few days Xena truly felt as though she had a family. She saw the sparkle return to her lover's eye. She pretended to sleep so she could catch a glimpse of her bard dancing in the cave. She nurtured Tara and wondered if Solon had lived, if Hope had been just a simple girl, where would she and Gabrielle be? Would that have settled her heart or would she still be a wandering warrior?


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 - Realities

Xena recalls their meeting with Najara

_Meeting Najara might have been fate. I don't know. Watching Gabrielle with her, knowing that Gabrielle questions her ability to continue facing this violence; that my own dark side still unsettles her; it tears at me. Am I just too selfish to let her go? This vision that I have had – of us together… in death. She tells me, even in that moment that she loves me. Every time I replay that image I can feel my heart swell and then break. What Najara said; it is truth. I seem to hurt her so much more than I want to. It is my own selfishness. I need her. When I think about not seeing her, not holding her, not hearing her laughter…._

_Well, there are no words. I am not a bard. I am a warrior. Am I kidding myself to think that this is her choice, to stay with me? She wants to travel to India. To experience something totally different. I cannot deny her that. But, I fear that fate will find us there too. _


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 -Acceptance

Gabrielle recalls their time in India

_I thought I was a healer. Funny. Strange. That feeling I had always dreamed of; to heal – it came with such power. It's still hard to believe that deception. I was so hurt when Xena doubted me, but she was right. She senses these things. I envy that in her. She can see and hear and just know things that I still cannot even fathom. She says she is a warrior. She is. But, I have seen her heal. I've seen her give comfort. I don't know, even now, how she balances those weights in her soul. She says I am that balance. I cannot help but laugh at that. I so often feel out of balance. It's as if this battle is being waged within me. _

_I hate the violence. I don't understand all the death; all the sadness. I fear her darkness, but without her I am lost. Always lost, even more out of balance when she is away. I can't explain it. I've always known. Known somehow from the moment I saw her that she is where I belong. I knew our souls were connected. Living that reality, seeing another future, even for a moment, it comforts me. I just don't know how we stay in balance always fighting, always moving. Sometimes I just want to be still. I see the peace and the serenity in Eli's eyes. I crave that. I feel that in her arms. I feel that in her eyes, but in our life I am constantly confronting the uneasiness. She thinks she should let me go. How? Didn't she see our path? I know that it is because she loves me, but it makes me angry. Didn't we already get that answer? It doesn't matter. The way of love leads me… at least I need to try and let it. I know it is not her way…she is a fighter. She wants peace but she will never allow it for herself. Even when we are alone; totally alone… I feel her resist that peace. I think it is out of fear, fear of hurting me… and fear that I will hurt her… that I will leave. That is her greatest fear. It's hard for me to believe that, but I know it's true. I can see it. She acts so brave and she wants to be selfless. I can't even say I chose her. It just is. She is as much a part of me as my own heart or mind. To let her go would be to lose myself… no matter where we are headed. Ironic, trying to follow the way of love; practicing that; has only made me realize that I belong with her– no matter our differences she is my home._


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Goodbyes and Hellos

"Gabrielle," Xena began, "Where is Amarice?"

Gabrielle rolled her eyes. She was consumed in an attempt at getting a fire ready for the evening and frankly did not feel up to dealing with Amarice's antics. "I have no idea, Xena. Was it my turn to watch her?"

Xena's lip curled. "She took my whip again," she muttered, "and my bow."

Gabrielle did not lift her gaze from the fire but a smile was gently creeping onto her face. Life with Amarice was similar to life with Tara. She was only a teenager but she was determined to convince them she was a warrior.

"Seriously, Gabrielle," Xena huffed, "where'd she go?"

Now Gabrielle was amused. It seemed at times she had two teenagers in the camp. Xena wasn't worried about Amarice, she just wanted to go do some hunting and wanted her bow. There were plenty of alternatives for dinner, like making Amarice fetch it. She finally raised her eyes to the warrior's. The sight of this tall, muscular warrior sulking made her giggle, "Really, Xena?... She'll be back soon enough – maybe _**she**_ is catching dinner," the bard smiled.

"Yeah right," Xena mumbled.

"She looks up to you. She wants to BE you." Gabrielle had a twinkle in her eye and quite the motherly tone in her voice. Xena loved that and gave in plopping herself down on the ground next to the fire.

The last few days had been hard. Losing Ephiny was devastating, particularly for Gabrielle who was already struggling with the realities of war and the violence in their lives. Ephiny was a true friend to them both. Someone they loved deeply and trusted immensely. In fact, she was one of the only people who knew the extent of their relationship. They had seen both new life and death through Ephiny. That made it even harder on them both. Xena was used to keeping secrets. Gabrielle could keep them, but she was much more inclined to be open about her feelings. Just knowing Ephiny was someone she could turn to had been a great comfort to the true Amazon Queen.

"Xena," Gabrielle began as she took up residence on the grass beside the warrior, "why don't you take Amarice with you tomorrow when you head to Asine?"

Xena's lip furled and coiled as it did when she was irritated, "What do you mean? You're not coming?"

"It's not even a half day's ride. I figured I would stay here," the bard answered.

"MMMMM," Xena grumbled.

Gabrielle smiled and laid her head on the warrior's lap looking up at her. "What's the matter? It will be good for her. She can see that not every trip we make, not every place she goes has to consist of a battle."

"Then she should stay here with YOU," Xena laughed letting her finger's run affectionately through her partner's hair.

Gabrielle shook her head slightly and rolled her eyes, "She doesn't want to stay with ME… the _peacemaker_," she laughed.

"And that's exactly why she SHOULD stay with you," Xena answered.

"Well, it's your decision. I think you should take her."

"What are you going to do? Just sit here?" Xena questioned. She really preferred that they stay together.

"Actually, if you recall… which you would if you paid attention," the bard glared playfully, "Joxer is supposed to meet us here in the next day or so before he heads to Chytri."

"Mmhmm… so you want to be alone with Joxer, huh?"

"Funny, Xena," Gabrielle smacked her hand playfully. "I just don't want him wandering off into trouble around here – and besides… maybe I can get him to cook," she winked.

"Hah, you could get him to fight in the Coliseum of Rome, Gabrielle," Xena smiled.

There was a slight rustling of leaves as Amarice approached and Gabrielle began to sit up.

"Seriously?" Amarice poked out from the trees, "Don't bother. You really think I'm stupid?"

Gabrielle continued her upward motion and silently shook her head. She was, however, pleased to see that their young companion had returned with a small rabbit.

"Figured I'd give you two some space," the teenager barked in her normal sarcastic tone.

"Good thing that space didn't require my bow… or my whip," Xena quipped back sternly.

"Don't know about the whip, but didn't figure you'd need the bow," the young Amazon answered plopping the rabbit by the fire.

Gabrielle turned and headed for one of the satchels that contained the frying pan and knives. She needed a diversion or she would have shown her amusement at the entire scene quite openly. She was all too aware that Amarice understood the nature of her relationship with Xena and she knew that the girl worshipped the warrior. For Gabrielle, this was welcome relief and she honestly thought it would be good for both Xena and Amarice to spend some time without her. Perhaps it would give her some time with her scrolls before Joxer arrived, which she had neglected of late.

"Well, I guess I'll take care of the rabbit," Xena said.

Amarice sat down on the ground on her bedroll and played with her sword.

"So…." Xena began somewhat begrudgingly, "I have to head to Asine tomorrow for some supplies. I thought you might want to come along." Xena pretended to be focused on the rabbit as Gabrielle smiled quietly to herself. She knew that Xena really _did_ want to take Amarice. She also knew Xena didn't want to admit that.

"Supplies, huh," Amarice chimed, "whose heads are we gonna' bust?"

Gabrielle giggled. "No head busting, Amarice… not unless it's completely necessary to put Xena in line," she said.

"Funny," Xena glared.

They spent the evening joking and laughing at the fire. Amarice wanted to hear about their adventures. That's how Amarice saw the women's travels – as an adventure. She was right, it was an amazing journey but it was also one fraught with difficult and pain at times. The subject of how Gabrielle became an Amazon came up.

"I heard you were pretty sly with a staff," Amarice admitted, "How'd a peacemaker learn that?"

Gabrielle sighed and collected her thoughts. Xena looked across at her lover knowingly. Ephiny had been Gabrielle's mentor and Gabrielle had often spoken about what it had meant to her when Ephiny gave Gabrielle the staff that had been passed to her by her own mother. No one but Autolycus, Cyrene and Ephiny; and now Amarice new that Gabrielle and Xena were together. Ephiny had been there for Gabrielle. She was family to them. As sweet as the memory was it was a painful one for Gabrielle right now.

"Actually," Xena began, "Ephiny taught Gabrielle a great deal with the staff."

"Yeah, guess you two were tight, huh?" the teenager asked.

Xena was ready to jump in when Gabrielle lifted her head and smiled. "We were. She was my family," Gabrielle paused, "and now so are you," the bard smiled.

"Eck," the teenager griped, "still a peacemaker."

Both Xena and Gabrielle laughed a bit. Both knew that Amarice appreciated the sentiment. She just would never admit that. She was young and it would take time for her to learn that strength was not all about fighting, much of it was about letting go. Something the two women knew a great deal about.

Xena put her hand on Amarice's head and pulled herself off the log she had been sitting on. "Get some sleep. We're leaving just before dawn," she ruffled the young Amazon's hair and headed to her normal spot next to Gabrielle. Amarice pulled the blanket over her and put her head down. She didn't close her eyes. She was surprised to see Xena did not wait for her to fall asleep before taking Gabrielle's face in her hands. "You all right?" Xena asked gently.

The bard smiled at her companion. "Yes."

"I'm sorry about Ephiny, Gabrielle."

"I know," she answered studying the glare from the fire that seemed to flicker in the warrior's blue eyes. Gabrielle was lost in them, a feeling she never could get used to and never wanted to lose. "It's a circle, Xena. Life. Even all the losses, there is always something new to find."

Xena was always touched by Gabrielle's ability to see the light through the darkness; her capacity to find hope and meaning even through despair. "I love you," the warrior whispered gently.

"I know," the bard answered pulling the warrior backward as they embraced.

They couldn't help but chuckle at the distant response, "Gross…."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 – Similar Hearts

Gabrielle stirred slightly as Xena bent over and kissed her forehead. "We should be back before the sun sets," she said. "Are you sure you don't want to come?"

Gabrielle laughed, "No," she said. "I can use some time. Maybe Joxer will show."

Xena smiled, "if he doesn't show by tomorrow, we have to keep moving."

The bard smiled and took the warrior's hand. She was fine with whatever they needed to do but right now she was looking forward to some time to just _be_. "I know," she smiled, "Be careful."

"Eh – what could happen?" Amarice crowed from across the camp.

Xena shot her a look and Gabrielle shook her head, "Should be an interesting day," The bard smiled letting go of the warrior's hand with a sly smile.

"Mmm," Xena groaned.

As Xena and Amarice made their way toward Argo; Xena was surprised to see that her companion was already rising. It was a standing joke between them that waking the bard in the morning was akin to waking the dead. But, the warrior knew that Gabrielle needed a little space herself; perhaps some private time to mourn Ephiny and some solace to think.

Gabrielle turned to wave them off and then headed down the slight embankment to the nearby pond to wash up. The water was actually quite bracing, but it helped to wake the bard more fully. It certainly did not invite a leisurely or relaxing bath or swim. 'Just as well,' she thought to herself. 'I'll have more time to write."

After a brief and frigid awakening she was ready to head back to camp. She had barely gotten back and found a comfortable place to sit with her scrolls when she was treated to a familiar song beckoning in the distance, "Joxer the Mighty, he roams through the countryside. Never needs a place to hide. With Gabby as his sidekick, fighting with her little stick…"

Gabrielle laughed out loud. She would have thought she would be a bit annoyed that the interruption was coming so soon, but hearing Joxer's little ditty made her heart sing. She had missed her friend. He made her laugh and he drove her crazy, but she often missed him when their paths would part. He was attentive to her and he offered a welcome diversion from the heaviness that life with Xena sometimes offered. And, he lightened Xena. Xena had enormous affection for Joxer. He had a huge heart and he made Xena laugh quietly to herself often.

"GAAABBBBYYY!" the voice called.

Gabrielle lifted her eyes from her scroll slowly, studying him with a stern gaze as she usually did. Her eyes narrowed as he bounced to her, arms wide open – squeezing her so tightly she felt her ribs ache.

"Hello, Joxer," she tried to fight the smile that was beginning to edge across her face, "You can let go now."

"HAH! Where's Xena?" Joxer smiled broadly.

"She's off with our friend Amarice for the day," Gabrielle answered, "So, I guess you are stuck with me."

Gabrielle half expected elation from her friend, but his face grew slightly pensive.

"Joxer, what's wrong?" the bard asked.

He smiled again almost as broadly as before, "Nothing," he said, "I just won't get to see her." Both Gabrielle and Xena forgot at times in all of Joxer's fuss over the bard that he adored the warrior. He admired her and in many ways she was his most trusted friend. Xena could never bring herself to solidify his suspicions about her relationship with Gabrielle.

Gabrielle chalked Joxer's antics with her up to a school boy crush, in some ways she thought it was as much about her friendship with the warrior as it was about his feelings for the bard. But, Xena knew better. She saw the way the want to be warrior looked at Gabrielle when she was unaware. He was in love with her. 'Of course he is,' she would often think to herself, grateful for knowing that the bard loved her. Her heart also ached for Joxer; knowing that he would be crushed when Gabrielle could not return his affection and knowing, too, that eventually he would have to tell her. That would be uncomfortable for them all and she wasn't certain how her lover would handle that. Gently, she knew, but Gabrielle would truly be stunned if Joxer ever let the words out. She was protective of them both, but there were things that even she could not shield them from.

"Aren't you staying for the night," the bard asked as her friend pulled up a piece of grass across from her.

"I can't," he said. "Family things."

"Jett," she asked?

Joxer rolled his eyes, "No. wish it was," he shook his head.

Gabrielle could tell that Joxer was not looking forward to whatever he was headed into. "Joxer, if you need us to come with you," she began.

He quickly responded, "NO! It's nothing like that, _trust_ me."

Gabrielle had only seen Joxer this defensive once before. She knew enough to respect his feelings. "Okay," she nodded placing her hand on his. It felt good to be comforting him. It took her away from her own pain. Joxer and Gabrielle had much more in common than most would have believed. Both came from families that did not understand them. Joxer from a family of warlords and Gabrielle from a family of home-centered farmers. Both loved their families and both always felt like strangers among them. It was ironic Gabrielle often thought, that Xena had lived in the most supportive and loving household of all three. Gabrielle understood Joxer's pain. He did not have the heart of a killer any more than she did. She often felt a sadness for him that he could never truly accept himself. But, she thought now, holding his hand, 'We are so much alike.' Here she was trying to follow the way of love, wanting so desperately to find that inner peace – at the same time knowing that her destiny was to be with Xena, 'I understand,' she thought.

"So, what have you two been doing?" Joxer changed the subject. "When we left Cyrene's I thought you were heading to Cyprus. What happened? – Not that I am not happy to see you!" he beamed. "I was surprised to get your message that you would be here at the same time."

"Sidetracked," Gabrielle sighed letting go of the man's hand and rising to her feet. "Are you hungry, Joxer?" She asked.

Immediately the tone in her voice had shifted. A sympathetic look of concern took Joxer over. Gabrielle was sad. That broke his heart. He truly did love her. "I can eat," he answered.

"Good," she said in need of the diversion. "Guess it'll be fish," she smiled at him.

"Gabby," he began, "are you all right?"

She felt her eyes begin to grow watery. "Ephiny died," she said as she knocked rocks together to form a spark that wouldn't seem to come.

The young man watched her struggle and he gently prodded, "What happened?"

"Pompey," the rocks slammed harder together, 'Romans,' she thought to herself. "Ughhh," she let out a loud cry of frustration as the rocks continued to slam together harder with no result.

Joxer's heart was heavy. He rose and placed his hands over her own, "Let me," he softly said. With that she collapsed into him, tears flowing. It was not the first time he had seen her cry, but normally the warrior was there to comfort her. He wasn't quite sure what to say or if he should say anything and he felt a tinge of guilt at feeling grateful that he was holding her. He patted her slightly on the back, "It's okay."

Gabrielle stayed there longer than either would have thought before she composed herself. In her heart she knew this was more than just Ephiny's passing. It was the vision, it was the overpowering knowledge that she and Xena were connected beyond even this life, it was the yearning for some type of normalcy and the understanding that normal in her life would always be something drastically different that most could ever hope to understand. "I'm sorry, Joxer," she wiped a tear away as he took hold of the rocks and started the fire.

Joxer just smiled at her. "No, Gabrielle. I'm sorry," he said. "I know what Ephiny meant to you. I mean, other than Xena she was your best friend," he said hanging his head just slightly.

"Well, one of them," the bard smiled. The day had not taken the exact course that she had planned and she was abundantly thankful. "How long can you stay?" she asked with a hint of hopefulness in her voice. Though it surprised her a bit she felt suddenly very safe and calm in the presence of her friend.

"A few hours," he smiled. For Joxer this was a dream come true. The bard wanted him there. It didn't matter that they were just sitting and talking, or if they sat in silence, as they did for a good part of the afternoon. He was just truly happy to be with the bard. As he told her about his last few days getting there, fighting skillfully against bandits, wielding his _mighty_ sword, they both laughed and Gabrielle was filled with a sense of joy. She could envision him climbing trees and hiding in bushes to dodge the bandits that exploited common travelers all about Greece. But, she loved his stories. He was nothing like her dear Ephiny, but he was her friend and that somehow helped her let go of the anger she had been holding since they left the Amazon village. Her thoughts turned from Romans to memories of her many travels with Joxer and Xena.

The afternoon was beginning to cool. Both knew that it was time for The Mighty to part company with the bard.

"Now, be careful," he said protectively to her. "Tell Xena I'm sorry."

Gabrielle smiled as Joxer reached out his hand. "I will," her smile was soft and she looked at him with a fondness that made his heart sing. Passing his hand she moved in and kissed him on the cheek, "Joxer," she said in his ear, "thanks." With that he swallowed hard and nodded as he turned to make his way on. As always he turned after only a few paces and paused to look at the most amazing woman he had ever known. Neither spoke – just exchanged another knowing smile, each alone again.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 – Anguish

Xena and Gabrielle have landed in a Roman prison. The vision of their death is unfolding.

**Xena's thoughts as Gabrielle takes up her sword to protect the warrior**

_Dear Gods, NO! Gabrielle, no….. Leave me. Just leave me. Gods, where are you? Eli! Where is your God now? Not you. Not this. Not here. _

_I'm going to die. I won't make it to that cross. Why is she doing this? This is my path, my truth; not hers. I am so sorry Gabrielle. How could you love me that much? I don't deserve you. Live. Please, make this stop. Look at you – so strong, so determined, so beautiful. What have I done? Where have I led you? I love you more than you will ever understand. Please, no._


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 – Love

**Gabrielle's thoughts as she holds the warrior awaiting crucifixion**

_My love. My life. How could I have been so blind? The Way. The way of a warrior or the way of a peacemaker; the way of love. What is the way of love without you? You are my way. You have always been my way. Always trying to protect me. You can't protect me from this, not even you. It has never been about protection. If this is to be our destiny, so be it. My life was nothing before you. I was just wandering – no path – no map. How did I know the moment I saw you that I needed to follow? I needed to convince you. You needed me. …. I needed you. There is only one way. That is together. This, this is a moment we have seen pass for so many others. I would rather it be together. It is better than apart. Without you, what is my way? No, this is where I belong. This is the way, my way, the only way and it is the way of love, my love for you._


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 – Unimaginable Suffering

Gabrielle and Xena have been crucified and their friends each must confront their feelings of doubt and despair. Joxer and Amarice privately deal with the death of the warrior and the bard and the reality of losing their place to belong….

**Amarice: How can this be?**

_Why didn't I stay and fight? I should never have let Gabrielle push me out that door. I can't believe this is happening. No one can beat Xena. How can this be?... If I had stayed….I never told them. I never said thank you…. I am sorry, Gabrielle. I didn't mean you were weak. I wish you were here…._

_I try to close my eyes or look away so I can see them sitting at the fire. I hear them laughing but when I look up there they are, on a cross. Dirty Romans. Xena hated them. I hate them. How can this be? Take away my family. I forgot what it was like to have a family. I belonged. … I'm sorry….I will not let this die. I promise. I may not be the warrior that you were. I know you wanted me to understand peace.. but someone has to fight… without you.. Someone has to be the warrior. Maybe I will end up on that cross too. I don't care. Dirty Romans. I hate you. I hate you. I HATE you… How can this be?_

**Joxer: Please**

_I have to take them to Greece. Take them where they wanted to be. Where they belong. They look like they are sleeping…. Just sleeping.. just shake them and they will wake up. GABBY! Get up… please. Just get up, please. Hit me, punch me, pinch me… XENA… tell me to shut up, please. Please tell me I am dreaming. What do I do now? Where do I go? I never had a place to belong. _

_She's sleeping, just sleeping.. maybe if I just touch her… tell me it's not time to wake up.. Oh Gods… they are gone. Why wasn't I here? I should have been here…. We need to go home.. how do I tell Cyrene? Lila? Autolycus? Please, wake up. Please… Gabby… I love you, Gabrielle. Please….._


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 – The Truth Lies Underneath

They had been traveling for what seemed like forever and Xena could tell that everyone was tired. They were hoping to get to Amphipolis as soon as possible, but a stop in Abdera seemed like a good idea. Both Gabrielle and Xena felt a need to see Cyrene. The events in Rome had been overwhelming and difficult for everyone. Both were grateful for the love and support of their friends and grateful, too, for the knowledge that neither heaven nor hell could separate them. Xena knew Ares was likely to show up at any time now and she knew the problems that always accompanied his visits. It was a good idea to spend a bit of time being still. As they pulled into the town the bard noticed a young girl being held tightly; too tightly, by a large young man in front of the inn. She tapped Xena. "Here we go," Xena sighed.

In a familiar style Xena had flipped the short distance and appeared before the man grabbing his right hand as he raised it, "Not nice," she squinted with a sarcastic smile.

He grumbled, "None of your business."

"Beg to differ," the warrior raised her eyebrows with a glint in her eye, pulled his arm hard and flipped him across the courtyard. Turning to pace deliberately toward him she grinned. "Now, I suggest that you just be on your way."

Gabrielle had made her way across to the young woman who was standing quietly and still stunned from the entire experience. "Are you all right?" the bard asked placing her hand on the young woman's soldier. After a brief silence the young woman lifted her face to Gabrielle's and spoke.

"That's Xena," is all she said.

Gabrielle was accustomed to people having heard of the warrior but she noted an unfamiliar tone in the girl's voice. "Yes," she smiled, "it is."

The girl looked at Gabrielle in disbelief. Gabrielle looked back puzzled and then turned her focus again to the other end of the courtyard. These were common events in the women's lives; stopping some overzealous boyfriend, reminding bandits that their behavior was NOT welcome when Xena was around. The constant battles between the empires for territory bred all types of problems. Roman taxes had impacted the ability for villages to trade as openly as they once had and the constant threat of warlords and bandits meant that small villages like Abdera were forced to spend more of their earnings on defenses. Stress was high and that stress often caused violent outbreaks within once peaceful villages.

Xena had matters well in hand with the young brut. It had begun with a dispute over his tavern behavior – and a failure to pay his tab. The warrior made her way across the courtyard escorting the young man by the back of his shirt. "I think you have something for the young lady."

He sighed, looking at the ground he reached in his pocket and pulled out money for his bill. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"Not sure she heard you," Xena tightened her grip, "Perhaps you should LOOK at the young lady…"

He huffed and looked at the girl before him, noticing that she was both young and quite attractive. He suddenly felt a sense of regret over his drunken behavior. "Sorry," he said, far more earnestly than before.

Xena loosened her grip, slapped him fairly hard on the shoulder and spoke, "Go sleep it off. Keep your hands to yourself – understand?"

He nodded, hung his head and headed to a group of young men that had gathered across from them. Xena turned back to the young woman, "I don't think he'll be bothering you again," she said.

The young girl was completely fixated on the warrior; staring blankly. Xena looked at Gabrielle searching her eyes for some answer. "Apparently, she's surprised to see the warrior princess." Gabrielle said.

With that the girl shook off her astonishment. "We heard you were dead," she said.

Xena sighed and nodded, then smiled at Gabrielle, "Bad news travels fast, huh?'

Gabrielle smiled. They had anticipated this. Caesar's decision to crucify them was not simply out of fear or spite; he wanted to send a message. It only made sense that he would have begun to spread the word of their demise before they had even made it onto their crosses. It was a large part of the reason that they wanted to reach Amphipolis as soon as possible.

"Nope. Not dead," the warrior shook her head, "You, Gabrielle? Feeling dead today?"

Gabrielle chuckled, "only tired," she smiled.

"It's not funny," a harsh voice called. It was Amarice. While she was thrilled to have them back – and delighted that Gabrielle had embraced the idea of fighting; the loss of the women had taken its toll on the teen. She had been forced to face her emotions for them both and a part of her remained frightened and insecure at the prospect of losing them again.

Xena and Gabrielle exchanged a look of surprise. In all the chaos of the last few weeks, Xena losing her dark side, running from Ares and Kell, trying to make it to Amphipolis, neither had really had time to think about how their deaths might have affected Amarice. For them, death had been as tumultuous as life; but in the end they were always together. There was a certain peace that had overtaken them from the experience.

Gabrielle looked at Amarice and thought she might have seen a tear welling in the eye of the young Amazon. "I think we all could use a hot bath and a good meal," the Amazon Queen winked at the warrior.

"Mmmmhmm," the warrior agreed as she turned to the young girl before them. "Have any room?"

"We do now!" the girl smiled. She was keeping watch over the establishment while her father was away in Athens.

"Great," Xena said. "We could use a rest."

Amarice lingered a bit behind them as they headed through the tavern door. "Coming?" Xena called. The Amazon didn't answer right away.

"Yeah. I'll be right there," she replied pretending to study a cart of handcrafts that was sitting outside the inn.

Gabrielle touched Xena's arm expressing that perhaps they should give Amarice a few minutes, "See you inside then," the bard called.

Xena and Gabrielle sat down at a table and ordered some food. They didn't care much WHAT they ate. It was a bit unusual for Gabrielle, but she had decided to join Xena in enjoying some wine. The innkeeper's daughter had explained that her father made his own wine and was fairly insistent that the women enjoy their stay fully as a thank you for their assistance, and a celebration that they were, in fact, still alive to assist.

"What's up with Amarice?" Xena inquired of Gabrielle.

Gabrielle just looked at Xena. "You think she's still upset about us dying?" the warrior asked. Again Gabrielle just lifted an eyebrow. "Well, do you think we should _talk_ to her about it?" The warrior seemed full of questions. Gabrielle just shook her head.

"No," she said, "I don't. I think we just need to reassure her that we are not planning on dying again anytime soon."

"Yeah, well…" Xena began, "Not planning and not doing are two different things. You know that as well as I do."

"I do. She's a kid, Xena. Even if she is a great fighter; she's a kid."

"I know," the warrior set down her wine as the Amazon approached.

Gabrielle smiled at her. "Tyra," who was the innkeeper's daughter, she began, "Said that you can sleep on the extra bed in her room tonight."

Amarice rolled her eyes, "Great. As long as there's no _girl talk_."

Again the bard and the warrior just looked at each other. "Guess you two want some alone time," Amarice said as she picked up Gabrielle's goblet of wine, soliciting a stern smile from the Amazon Queen as she directed the goblet back to its original position on the table.

"Mmmm. I don't think so," the Queen gently and firmly commanded, still smiling.

"Geez. I can fight with a sword but I'm too young for wine?" Amarice barked, exasperated.

"Something like that, yes," Gabrielle answered.

"Amarice," Xena said picking at the food on her plate, "If you want to stay in our room, that's fine."

"Pshhh," the teen shrugged, "Nah. It's good."

It was evident to both the women that Amarice was feeling a bit hurt. "Well, I'm not planning on turning in just yet anyway," Gabrielle interjected. "Why don't we go sit over there by the fireplace for a while?"

The tavern had a nice area just off to the side for guests of the inn where some soft benches were placed in front of a large fire place. Sitting in front of a fire, any fire, always seemed to soothe the group, though Gabrielle knew Xena's preference for the night sky and a campfire.

"Sound good to me," Xena smiled. Amarice was markedly quiet, but followed her mentors to the area and claimed her spot on a comfortable floor rug. Xena and Gabrielle sat behind her on a bench watching the flames twist and turn.

"Would it be all right if I joined you?" a soft voice asked. It was Tyra. The women smiled and nodded. Gabrielle thought maybe this would be a good diversion for Amarice. She was right. Amarice needed to let something out; anything out; but Gabrielle knew she would not do it with the two of them alone. Amarice was determined never to be vulnerable in front of them. It seemed even more so now.

"What's it like?" Tyra asked Amarice as she settled down onto a nearby rug.

"What?" the Amazon responded.

"You know, traveling with the warrior princess and the battling bard?"

Xena and Gabrielle just smiled, watching the flames, listening intently. Gabrielle had hold of Xena's hand between them. As she sat there she couldn't help but think how deeply she loved the warrior. How much she loved these moments; just sitting and being still. No warlords or bandits. No Gods or demons. Just the two of them, together, here with this child they had both grown to love; almost as if she were their own. She watched as Amarice began to regale her new friend with stories of their adventures. She felt that deep longing for a moment. Softly smiling she wished, wished that things could have been different with Solon, with Hope.

"So, they can both really fight!" Tyra exclaimed.

"Yeah," Amarice smiled, "you should see Gabrielle with a staff. She can knockout like twelve guys at once." Amarice beamed as she spoke about Gabrielle.

Gabrielle was surprised to hear the inflection in Amarice's voice as she described the bard's skills with the staff and with the sai. She knew that Amarice cared about her but she also knew that the teen idolized Xena. Xena smiled quietly to herself as she watched Amarice's face light up describing her lover's fighting skills. And to herself, the warrior thought, 'I know exactly how you feel.' Gabrielle amazed her every moment of everyday and for this moment the warrior was content to just be still in that thought.

"They can fight, but they'd rather not," Amarice said quietly.

The stories continued. "But, what happened," Tyra asked, "I mean people said they were crucified… I mean you were crucified?"

Xena squeezed Gabrielle's hand a little harder. Amarice look at the rug, pulling gently on the small strings that ran from it. "Yeah. I hate Romans," The young Amazon muttered, "and I hate crosses."

Gabrielle felt a tear form in her eye. Xena frowned thoughtfully. 'I can't imagine,' the warrior thought to herself, 'what it must have been like for her to watch us being nailed to crosses,' she shuddered as the thought entered her mind.

Amarice's gaze would not leave the floor. She could swear she could hear their cries as the final nails were driven into them. She had stood on that mountainside and watched. Watched them hang there, helpless, feeling as though she were being sucked through the earth her grief and anger were so great. She felt so alone and so abandoned, so guilty; guilty because she was angry at them for leaving her alone again.

"What did you do?" Tyra whispered to Amarice.

There was silence. The answer was nothing. There was nothing she could do. She just shook her head.

"Well," Xena chimed, "as you can see we are here. Death has a hard time sticking to us," she smiled.

Gabrielle kept a watchful eye on their young companion, fully aware that tears were escaping.

"Not planning on that again anytime soon," Gabrielle said.

Amarice pulled on the rug strings a little harder, "Heard that before," she mumbled.

There was a brief silence before the young Amazon felt the Amazon Queen's hand on her shoulder. The teenager tried to shake it off, but Gabrielle's grip just tightened. "We're not going anywhere, Amarice."

Xena grimaced slightly and took a deep breath. Gabrielle was right. Xena hated making proclamations about their safety but Amarice was hurting. Xena sighed, "The thing about death is," she started, "You realize it doesn't end anything. It's just all in a different place," she said.

Amarice lifted her head. "Yeah, you were in a _different_ place than me," she said.

Xena smiled. "Yes, we were. But eventually you would have found us again, Amarice. And, you'll learn… death really has a hard time sticking to us," she smiled.

Both women thought they detected a slight smile from their young friend, "yeah well, now that the Queen is fighting – it's going to be a lot harder," she said firmly.

Xena and Gabrielle both smiled as Xena rose to her feet, "True enough," the warrior smiled back. "I think a good night's sleep is in order?" she presented as a question.

"I agree," Gabrielle said.

"I'm going to stay here for a while," Amarice said.

Gabrielle squeezed her shoulder a bit. "We'll see you for breakfast then," she said as she began to walk away. She was stopped abruptly by a hand on her shoulder and could not hide her surprise to turn and find Amarice had gotten up to follow them.

"Gabrielle," the voice cracked a bit, "I'm sorry," the teen could not hold back her tears.

Gabrielle looked at the young Amazon who suddenly seemed so much more like a child than an Amazon at all, "For what?" she tenderly asked.

There was no answer just the sensation of Amarice's head on her shoulder. Xena looked on them both with a tear in her eye. "There's nothing to be sorry for," Gabrielle assured. She stroked the young girl's hair, surprised but relieved that she had finally let go of some of her pain. Gabrielle understood. She remembered Perdicus as he died in her arms, she remembered looking at Ephiny lying so still in the queen's hut. She softly pulled away and lifted Amarice's face so to catch her own eyes. "Get some rest," the Amazon Queen smiled. Amarice nodded as Xena smiled, eyes narrowing at the young woman.

Gabrielle knew that this whole scene was embarrassing for the young woman, "You'll need it," she said crossing her eyebrows. With that Amazon queen turned to her warrior and motioned to the stairs.

"Right behind you, always," the warrior gleamed.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 – Answered Prayers

The ride from Spamona had been a happy one. Gabrielle was thrilled about having a horse. Xena was overwhelmed in the realization that she was expecting. It was hard to process on so many levels but after dying and being brought back; after experiencing heaven and hell literally; she knew better than to question extreme possibilities. It seemed that Gabrielle had accepted the pregnancy at face value now. Her endless questions and attempts at understanding had dwindled significantly. Still, the mother to be wondered what Gabrielle was _feeling_. She didn't want to broach the subject. Still, as happy as she was, she couldn't help but ask herself if perhaps Gabrielle had some anxiety about the situation.

Gabrielle looked over at her partner. She looked a bit tired, she thought. "Why don't we stop for a while, Xena?" The pair was making their way to Potedaia to make certain that Gabrielle's parents and Lila were secure in the knowledge that both were fine after the many stories and rumors that had circulated about their demise in recent months. It seemed every time they tried to get there something stepped in their way, Ares, bandits; something.

"Gabrielle, don't you want to get there?"

Truthfully, Gabrielle was not looking forward to the visit. The last time they had been there was stressful enough. She really did not want to answer all of their questions about the Romans, about their deaths and how they came to be here again. She certainly did not want to talk about Xena's pregnancy with them. She'd never told them that she and Xena were lovers, but she knew that was something they had come to understand during their last stay. 'Ugh,' she thought to herself, her stomach turning in knots so much she thought she could be suffering from the nausea that often accompanies a pregnancy.

"To tell you the truth, Xena," she smiled, "I would be all right not going."

Xena laughed and called down to Amarice who was walking slightly in front of them at this point. "Amarice, keep a look out for water, we're going to stop for the night."

Amarice nodded back in agreement and picked up her pace a bit. She was also happy that they were going to stop. She hated to admit that she was tired. She had ridden with Xena for a bit, but her feet hurt and she felt in need of a nap. It was also very different now that Gabrielle had a horse. That allowed the two women to truly be side by side much of the time and Amarice felt a bit disconnected.

It took a bit longer than anyone anticipated and both Xena and Gabrielle were startled when Amarice beckoned loudly. "Water!" Gabrielle nearly fell off her horse and began to laugh.

"After that, I need to sit down," she chuckled to Xena, who was equally amused.

"All right," the warrior said. "Let's set up here. Amarice, can you take care of the horses?" Amarice nodded taking the reins and leading them off to find a suitable area.

Xena began moving stones to the center of a large flat area when she noticed Gabrielle glaring at her.

"What?" she scoffed.

"Humph," Gabrielle crinkled her face, "Why don't _I_ do that?"

"Gabrielle," Xena said firmly, "I'm pregnant, not an invalid."

"Mmmhhmmm," the bard answered, promptly removing a stone from the warrior's hands. "Yes, I _know_ that. You were barely able to stay awake on Argo again this afternoon, Xena." Xena looked at her rolling her tongue along the inside of her cheek as she often did when she knew she had been caught by Gabrielle doing something she did not want the bard to notice.

"I'm _fine_," she quipped.

"Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what… dinner is NOT going to catch itself. So, unless you feel like stale bread and slimy cheese – perhaps you should go use your _many_ skills and catch us some fish in that stream." Gabrielle knew that fishing relaxed Xena and she knew that the warrior was far more fatigued than she wanted to admit. She had been getting quite sick in the mornings for a few hours and it was draining her energy.

"MMMM," Xena's eyes seemed to become slits as she sized Gabrielle up for the truth, "So, this is about dinner, then, huh?"

Gabrielle rolled her eyes, "If you want to build the fire, Xena. Be my guest, build the fire," she threw her hands in the air.

Xena stood there for a moment as a crooked smile swept across her face. "All right," she said, "you made your point."

Just then Amarice returned. "What's going on?" she asked.

"Looks like I'm going fishing," Xena winked, "care to join?"

"Uh, fishing?" the young Amazon turned up her nose, "not really my thing."

"Well then, that's good," Gabrielle chimed in, "You can help me set up the camp."

"Actually," the young woman began with a deep look of consideration, "FISHING sounds great. Come on, Xena….. Gods, you're so slow lately," she scoffed as she headed toward the stream.

"Slow?" Xena remarked under her breath, "I'm not slow…" she wrinkled her nose and muttered to herself following behind Amarice.

Gabrielle continued with the task of making a fire. She just shook her head, rolled her eyes and laughed. 'If this is any indication of the future,' she thought to herself, 'I am in trouble.'

Amarice sat on a large rock beside the stream dangling her feet in the water. Xena waded in a few feet and crouched down to listen.

"How are you going to catch a fish like THAT?" Amarice laughed.

"You know, Amarice, if you listened half as much as you TALK, you might find you could do a lot of things," Xena commented, never lifting her head from its position slightly above the water. It only took a few minutes and Xena had a large trout in her hands which she promptly tossed at the young Amazon, "CATCH!" She yelled, grinning from ear to ear.

Somehow Amarice managed to hold onto the slippery thing but not before it had landed smack in the middle of her forehead conjuring an expression of complete disgust from the teen.

"HAH!" Xena exclaimed, "See, you listened – AND you caught a fish with nothing but your hands," the warrior gloated.

"Huh," Amarice grumbled placing the fish on the solid ground behind her.

Xena was quite pleased with herself. Gabrielle had been right as usual. This was one of her favorite things in the world. She had been tired. She hated to admit that in many ways the bard knew what she needed far better than she did herself. "All right!" she said after pulling a few more fish from the water, "let's go see the cook!" There was a twinkle in her eye.

"You really like doing that?" Amarice questioned.

Xena nodded and Amarice shook her head in disbelief. "You can be really weird for a warrior," she said.

Xena laughed out loud putting her hand on Amarice's back, "grab those suckers, will ya'," the warrior fisherman directed as she headed up the path toward the camp. When they arrived everything was as Xena knew it would be. The fire was going, the bed rolls were out, the pan and knives ready and a large log was moved a few feet from the fire.

The sun still hadn't quite set. Gabrielle was sitting by the fire adding twigs and branches. "How'd you do?" she asked.

"Actually," Xena grinned widely, "Amarice caught a wish with her hands?"

Amarice just smiled sarcastically. "You did?" Gabrielle's voice lifted.

"Yeah," Amarice pretended to be happy and proud, "Just not before it SMACKED me in the face," she rolled her eyes flinging the fish down. Xena had already taken up residence on the log and was sharpening their cutting knife with a stone and she was quite pleased with herself.

Gabrielle laughed out loud. "Don't feel bad, Amarice," she started, "The first two years of traveling together she threw fish at me almost daily." Xena glanced at the bard from the corner of her eye, attempting to suppress her amusement at the all of this.

The evening went much like usual. Gabrielle cooked. Everyone ate. Amarice went and washed the frying pan and the knife and brought back some water so everyone could wash their hands and faces before retiring. Gabrielle made some tea over the fire and they sat about talking. No one mentioned the new baby or what that might mean for the life that Xena and Gabrielle were leading.

"So…." Amarice looked up from her cup, "What are gonna' call it?"

Both women looked surprised and turned to each other in a state of shock. "It?" Gabrielle asked.

"You know, the baby."

"Amarice, the baby is a long way off," Xena smiled.

"HUMMMM," the teenager said. "Yeah, well," she continued, "You're going to be parents. Think you would've thought of something over the last few moons."

The truth was they hadn't talked much about it, other than to acknowledge that a baby was, in fact coming. Gabrielle sat looking at the dirt, twirling a stick in it. "That's Xena's decision," she said quietly.

Xena didn't speak. Her eyes were fixed on Gabrielle and she heard the tone in her voice that she had feared. Amarice picked up on it too. "Guess you'll figure it out," Amarice offered. "I'm going to go sleep under that big tree near Argo – looks like a comfy spot, besides you snore way too loud lately, Xena," she said sensing that her mentors needed to talk.

"I don't snore," Xena answered abruptly.

Amarice shot her a look of disbelief. "Yes, you do," Gabrielle supported.

"See," the Amazon said grabbing her things and heading off, "See you in the morning." She caught Gabrielle's thoughtful acknowledgment as she turned away and gave a nod.

"Tired?" Xena asked.

"Yes. A bit," Gabrielle answered quietly.

"Too tired?" Xena flirted.

Gabrielle chuckled slightly but did not answer.

Xena's attempt at breaking the tension did not go as well as she had hoped. The two had not been intimate since they discovered Xena's condition and Xena wondered if some part of Gabrielle still doubted her faithfulness.

"Gabrielle," she began.

Gabrielle looked up with a soft smile and stopped her. "I know what you are going to say, Xena. No. I don't think you slept with anyone. It's not that at all."

"Okay," the warrior prodded, "What is it then?"

Gabrielle sighed, "I don't know, Xena. There's this part of me that is so happy and so excited,"

Xena interrupted as Gabrielle paused, "BUT…"

"But… I mean what am I supposed to say? I love you, but what does this mean. For me? For us?"

Xena sat for a moment and thought about what she should say. She was not totally sure what was bothering Gabrielle and that was unusual. Was it the not knowing how? Was she jealous because she wanted a child so badly? Was it fear that she'd lose Xena? From the moment Xena realized she was pregnant she had considered this a gift to them both; that this child was somehow meant for them to share. Sitting here now in the silence, looking at Gabrielle, she realized she had not really made that clear. She suddenly regretted telling her with the group; blurting it out. She should have waited until they were alone and told Gabrielle first. The realization brought about a deep and audible sigh that prompted Gabrielle's immediate attention; and concern.

"Are you okay?" the bard asked.

"Gabrielle," Xena lifted her hand and rubbed her forehead as if deep in thought.

"What? What is it?" Gabrielle asked. Whatever she was feeling had instantly been replaced by concern for her lover.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry?... For what?" Gabrielle looked puzzled.

"I should have told you before anyone else," Xena acknowledged.

Gabrielle took a deep breath and gathered herself, "Yes, you should have."

"I just…. I knew,"

"That I would wonder how?" Gabrielle questioned.

"Well, yes…"

"Xena," she covered her face in her hands for a moment in frustration. "I love you. We died together – how could you not just tell me? What did you think would happen?"

"I don't know," the warrior offered. "I wanted you to be happy, as happy as I am."

Gabrielle laughed. "I am happy. But, Xena, can't you understand? This is not my child. I look at you and I love you and I love this baby, because it is a part of you… but…..it's not a part of _me_. Where do I fit here? I feel like – well, I should be happy for _you_… and I am, but happy for me? It's not my child. For whatever reason this child was given to YOU. It's not about me. I don't know what that means for _us_."

Xena had never considered the fact that Gabrielle might be afraid of overstepping in their relationship if she acted as an expectant parent. But it made sense. It wasn't as if they had made some decision to have a child together. How could she have been so stupid? It all made sense suddenly.

"Gabrielle," she looked deeply into the green eyes before her, "When I realized that I was pregnant, or at least when I accepted it…. The FIRST thing I thought about was _you_. I was so happy that I would go through all of this with _you_." Gabrielle was smiling softly with tears in her eyes. "We're in this together, just like every piece of our lives. How do you know that whatever caused this- didn't intend this for _us_?"

Gabrielle's smile grew. It was all the reassurance she needed. She took Xena's hand, "thank you," she said placing her head on the warrior's shoulder.

"It's going to get pretty crazy for us soon," Xena laughed.

"I guess we'd better go get some _rest_ then," the bard raised an eyebrow.

"Thought you were tired," the warrior quizzically answered.

"Mmm…. Not that tired," the Amazon Queen whispered in her ear.

Xena smiled and kissed her lover, unlike she had kissed her ever before. Everything would change; again – and she couldn't have been more grateful.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 - Mothers, Sisters and Children

_This chapter is comprised of 3 monologues based on the experiences in the episode "Them Bones, Them Bones"._

**Xena: **

_Alti. Alti wanted my child, to exploit this child. Who's next? Thank the Gods that Caesar is dead. Is this going to be our reality? It's not bad enough we are constantly fighting warlords or Ares or some other God who feels entitled to something in the mortal world. This child; I don't even know how this child is possible. I can't understand it - so I have just had to learn to accept it. Maybe when Eli healed us. He did bring us back to life. Makes sense. Well, as much sense as anything could. All I know is that there will be more to face. I can feel it – it is inevitable._

_I was so proud of Gabrielle these last few days. So thankful for her. I don't think she understands that I could not handle all of this without her. I saw the fear in her eyes when the pains began. Her fear for me, her fear for this child; the need to protect **us**. No matter her doubts. No matter what seems to get in our way; she is always there. I wish I could give her this… a child of her own. It's hard for her, even now. I know it is. But, this baby will love her. This is our family and I will die to protect that; to protect them. That is my mission now; not warlords or tyrants; it's my family. Gabrielle and our child. Our child. It's inevitable that we will have to fight again – I know it. I will do it… no matter what I will protect my family… it's inevitable._

**Amarice: **

_I thought for certain that Gabrielle would tell her; about me. She surprises me. When they first let me come along – I just wanted to be like Xena. I wondered how someone who never would raise a sword could be an Amazon Queen… forget traveling with the warrior princess. When they were hanging there – there on those crosses – I thought maybe I would die too…maybe I wanted to. I had no idea where I would go. I wanted to say I was sorry to Gabrielle. When I did; finally… she acted like I did nothing wrong. She did it again today. I've never known anyone like her. I've never known anyone like them._

_They didn't have to keep me with them. After they came back. After they found out about this baby – that was a shocker…. They still let me stay. I thought for sure Gabrielle would lose it on THAT one. I kept looking at her that day expecting her to pummel Xena or yell, or something. She didn't. I knew she was hurt, but she didn't. Xena told me I should listen more to her. I did. I would love to stay with them. I want to. I don't want to lose them again, but I looked at her today… handing me that necklace… making me an Amazon; my queen. She called me a sister. Hmmm. Her sister. I never had a sister – never had a mother, really. Never knew my family much…. Now they'll have this baby…lucky… lucky kid. To have Xena as a mom… to have Gabrielle. She really is a queen. Someone will call her mother someday. Lucky kid. Time for me to let them be… I need to stay here. When they return… maybe then I can tell them…. I was a lucky kid….Good bye warrior princess, good bye my queen…be good, kid…. You're a lucky kid.._

**Gabrielle: **

_I have no idea what to expect anymore. I just expect the unexpected. I'm sorry to see Amarice go. It will be good for her here, though. She'll be able to learn a great deal from the Amazons. She has the Amazon spirit, understands it better than she thinks. But, I think she is choosing to stay for other reasons. I guess I could have tried to question her more; but I could see the resolve in her eyes. She has grown. Grown like I grew those first few years with Xena. I'm proud of her. She truly is an Amazon now; Ephiny would be proud too. I hope she knows we are always here. I know Xena feels the same way AND I know Amarice doesn't want to **be** in the way. I found myself wondering if Hope had just been a girl, just a child… would she have been like Amarice? Hmmm. I'd like to think so…_

_I'll miss her, but Gods know I am glad to have some time with Xena. When her pains began and I had to find the healer… I was terrified… for her, for this baby. This miracle. All I want to do is keep them both safe. Love them. Gods, how I love them. I know Xena is worried. Worried about the constant threats and violence. She always wants to protect me… I have to protect her. Protect this child. Her child. We've both lost children…and now… a chance for children…. To watch a child grow, a child that is part of the person I love more than anything – I can't imagine a greater gift than that…the gift of children._


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

West to East and Back Again

**Xena:**

_I needed to go east. I sensed it. There was something I needed there. Something unfinished. It shouldn't have surprised me when that monk appeared. I didn't know what I was seeking – but something….. After Alti, after all that Yakut saw; it was the only place that made sense. Lao Ma believed in me, in spite of everything. She understood my power, my darkness and knew what power I could command. I needed to understand that now more than ever. She could foresee things – like Yakut. I don't know what she saw. I don't know if was about her own children and chin, or if it was about this child. No matter, I neede to know._

_We cannot run forever. There has to be a way to find some peace even amidst this fighting. Otherwise, what am I fighting for? What am I teaching this child that is growing inside me? _

_But, I don't know how what I learned there is going to protect us, save us, change things. Since we have begun our return it seems that I cannot command that power. I'm not sure I can even sense it, though I need to. I still have so many questions. Why me? Where did this child come from? Gabrielle feared it might be Ares, it can't be Ares. I am sure of that….but the Gods have taken an interest. I think we need to head home again now. I need to figure out what the power I do have is… how what I have learned can help us._

_I am grateful. Grateful that we were able to visit Chin. That I have a sister there. A place. That my child, too, will have that place. _

_Gabrielle took over so much there. I am worried about her, though. She is constantly training. Training with the sai, training with the sword. Ever since we started back. She is so focused on her fighting. She isn't writing as much anymore. It's because she wants to protect me, protect us. That is supposed to be my job. It has always been my job, my place. This baby is changing everything for us. All the more reason I need to draw on everything I have learned. I have to be able to protect us all. It is who I am. What I do. Mother or not, I am a warrior._

**Gabrielle:**

_I catch her watching me. Watching me train. What does she expect? She's so quick to run off into danger. That was bad enough when it was just us. Now there is this child. What was she thinking in Chin? She was going to go blow up the black powder? Gods! She is so stubborn. At least she let me handle that. I know she wants to protect me, but she can't. I accepted this when I chose this path. I am as responsible for her as she is for me. Sometimes I just don't think she pays attention. I am still that "kid" in her eyes. She doesn't see me that way when I am holding her, but when we step into battle; everything changes. _

_I'm not going to let anything happen to her…and not to this child. That would destroy her, and that would destroy me._


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17- Epiphany

_Takes place immediately following the conclusion of the episode "Seeds of Faith" in Season 5_

There was utter silence between them as they sat before the fire. Xena poked at the logs a bit with a large stick while Gabrielle just stared into the flames before them. There was no tension, no anger, no sadness, just the reality of a miracle. The reality of the power that forgiveness and love had suddenly provided for their life together. It was an unbelievable realization that Callisto had granted this child to Xena. A circle of hatred and violence, anger and despair had been replaced; filled in fact; with abounding love and unimaginable possibility.

Gabrielle took a deep breath, held it a moment, and as she let go she finally allowed her eyes to look upon the warrior across the fire. Xena felt her gaze, but still seemed lost in her thoughts; or perhaps her feelings. She poked one of the larger logs hard causing sparks to rise, dancing in the air before them. They had their answer and it was an answer that they could never have anticipated.

"Xena," Gabrielle began softly, "Are you all right?"

Xena poked the log again and this time she lifted her attention to watch the dance of the cinders above.

"I don't know," she said. "Not long ago I would have thought all of this impossible. Now," she stopped.

Gabrielle's look was pensive. "When we died," she began, "and I found out you took her place in hell," the bard continued.

Xena looked at her now with a fair degree of surprise. This was not something they had ever discussed at length. Their death was something that both accepted; the experience, the knowledge that came from it. It was like a secret shared by both their hearts. An understanding and an emotion that somehow might be diminished if they spoke of it aloud. It was simply understood.

"I hated her in that moment," Gabrielle said. "When she looked at me and spoke of her family, so earnestly and innocently; it was a Callisto I had never seen. The pain she felt was for _me_."

Xena looked at her and nodded. "These last few days, with her trying to guide me," Xena started, "I know…"

Gabrielle looked back into the fire. Xena continued, "I was so harsh, even knowing that she was changed," she paused, "She told me she cared about me and she cared about you."

Gabrielle's attention snapped to Xena's eyes. "She meant it," Xena said. "I could see it in her eyes. There was nothing but compassion." Gabrielle sighed as the warrior continued, "I guess," she hesitated, "Are you all right?"

Gabrielle forced a small smile, "Yes." She said. Xena looked at her as if she was not thoroughly convinced.

"No, really, Xena… I am. I just feel so much right now," as her next thought began to escape her lips she had to laugh, "I just don't have anything to say about how I feel. Some bard," she shook her head.

Now Xena found it impossible not to begin to smile, which promptly turned to a laugh.

"Xena, do you think that means it will be a girl?" Gabrielle asked.

Xena laughed, "I have NO idea. After all this it wouldn't shock me if it came out a centaur." The two women laughed.

Gabrielle got up and claimed a piece of the log Xena was occupying. She gently placed her hand on the warrior's stomach and leaned her head against her lover's chest. Xena put her hand over Gabrielle's, both just watching the flames. There was nothing to say; just everything to feel. Xena looked skyward, "thank you…."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18 – Life

_Takes place right after Eve's birth as Hercules leaves the pair…_

"Thank you," Xena said.

"Anytime," Hercules answered. He kissed Eve on the head, thinking for a moment of his own family and turned to Gabrielle. "Take care of them," he smiled.

She met his smile with one of her own and accepted his embrace. "She's a lucky little girl," he said to them. With that their friend, their champion that day was off.

Xena sat contemplating with amazement every toe and every finger on the baby. Gabrielle worked on the fire. She could tell that for all of her happiness, the warrior was exhausted.

"Do you feel up to eating?" the bard asked,

Xena's eyes remained fixed on Eve. "She's perfect, Gabrielle."

Gabrielle's own heart was so full she thought it might explode. "I know," she answered. "But, you need to eat, Xena. And, you need to rest. I think we are safe for today."

"For today," the warrior whispered, "What about tomorrow?"

Gabrielle noted the concern in her voice. It was a concern that she shared, but she also understood that this night, this time, needed to be filled with the simple joy of the love they all shared. Tomorrow would find its own way to them. And, as they always had, they would face it together. 'I would fight the legions of hell,' she thought to herself, 'To keep you both safe.' It was a thought that seemed it should come from the warrior, but it was true. She would sooner die herself than ever allow that child to be hurt. She stoked the fire and placed the rabbit that Hercules was kind enough to get them before he left in the frying pan. All the while she watched them, watched Xena holding Eve.

Xena finally looked across at her partner. Eve had begun to cry a bit, "Hah," she said, "See she sounds _just_ like YOU."

"Ha ha, Xena," Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "Well, at least you don't need to worry about changing _my _pants."

"Really?" Xena nudged.

Gabrielle just shook her head. Xena could be incorrigible.

"I think you should eat something," the bard prodded.

"I think she needs to be changed," Xena chimed.

"Okay," the bard answered. "You eat, I will take care of that."

Xena smiled. Part of her did not want to let the baby go, but she knew it was important for Gabrielle to have a hand in all of these things. She gently handed Eve to her lover and accepted a plate in return. As she picked at her food a bit, she couldn't help but smile listening to Gabrielle tell Eve a little story about the biggest fish her momma ever caught and how she placed it in the stars.

Gabrielle walked back over and went to hand the baby back to her mother. "Why don't you hold her for a while," Xena encouraged. Gabrielle's face lit up a bit.

"Xena," she said, "I know what you are doing."

"And what would that be?" Xena raised her eyebrow as she placed her plate on the ground.

"You're worried I will feel left out."

Xena didn't quite know what to say. Gabrielle smiled and kissed the baby placing her back in her mother's arms and then kissed Xena on the head. "I love you, Xena," she said firmly. "Don't worry about me," she assured. "You go and lie down with Eve. You need to rest and so does she."

"What about you?" Xena sputtered.

Gabrielle narrowed her gaze on the warrior's eyes. "I," she said slowly, "Am going to clean this mess we have here up. Then…"

"Yes?" Xena interjected.

"Then I am going to crawl into a soft bedroll with the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and watch her sleep with the most perfect baby I have ever held."

Xena couldn't breathe for a moment. The way that Gabrielle was looking at her right now filled all of her senses. Sometimes, in the madness of their lives she forgot to fully appreciate the love they had. She knew better than to say a word. She simply stood to make her way to the blankets that Gabrielle had laid out for them.

Gabrielle went to turn and begin her tasks when she felt Xena's hand tug at her shirt. She turned and started to ask what the warrior needed but found that her lips were instantly met with Xena's.

"I love you, Gabrielle," Xena reminded her, "Don't take too long. We'll miss you."

Gabrielle took a deep breath and processed the words with a nod of understanding. 'Whatever is to come,' she thought to herself, 'It will wait until tomorrow.'


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19 – Relentless Gods and Unrequited Love

_This takes place after Season 5: "Eternal Bonds" and before Amphipolis Under Seige_

Joxer had moved ahead of his friends who were walking side by side, Xena leading Argo. Xena could tell that something was troubling their friend a bit.

"Gabrielle," she began, "did something happen when Joxer was ill?'

Gabrielle sighed. "No. Not really. I just wish he could find someone. Someone to love."

Xena had a crooked smile. She understood. "Did you tell him?"

Gabrielle looked at her confused by the question?

"About us," she said.

Gabrielle shook her head. "No. But, I feel like I should; I mean shouldn't we?"

Xena sighed. This was a moment that she had been dreading for many seasons. "I don't know, Gabrielle," she took another long breath. "I'm sure he knows. He has to. He just can't face that. What do we accomplish by hurting him more?" Xena loved Joxer. His immense heart reminded her of Lyceus in some ways. She loved being able to tease him and play jokes on him just as she had with Toris and Lyceus when they had been kids. His presence brought her a recollection of a different time in her life. A more simple time.

"I don't like this, Xena," Gabrielle answered, "Lying to him. Maybe if he knew – maybe he would move on. I feel like he thinks that there is always this hope. It's because he hasn't seen me with anyone since Perdicus died."

Xena exhaled. "I can't tell you what to do Gabrielle. If you think you need to tell him…" her thought trailed off as she heard the sound of footsteps in the distance.

"What?" Gabrielle whispered, "What is it?"

Xena motioned to the thick swath of trees to their left. Immediately Gabrielle pulled her sai from her boots awaiting whomever or whatever might approach.

Before either could blink they were surrounded by 4 women clad in golden armor and black leather. Immediately Xena recognized them as some of Artemis's warriors and huntresses. Bows were drawn upon the warrior who promptly flew into the air kicking the nearest offender. Simultaneously, Gabrielle had managed to disarm two of the women.

From ahead Joxer heard the commotion and flung around. He immediately let out a battle cry and charged forward. A dagger was thrusting toward the warrior princess and her child and Joxer was engaged in a full on run for the perpetrator. Xena turned and grabbed the muscular arm of the huntress swiftly and tightly, flipping her to the ground with a thunderous blow and forcefully stepping on the woman's chest, pressing her to the ground firmly. "Artemis," she grumbled. "You tell your goddess she picked the wrong warrior," Xena pressed her boot ever harder in the chest that lie under it. The huntress did all she could to maintain an expression of defiance which only served to further anger the warrior princess.

Xena lowered herself, replacing the boot with a firm hand. Her face was so close to the woman that their eyeballs nearly touched. "You stay away from my family," she pulled the woman even closer, her breath hot on the huntress's face, "Next time, it will be my sword. Not my foot," she finished, flinging the woman into the tree behind her. Disarmed, the huntress had no choice but to retreat from her target.

Gabrielle was removing Eve from the pouch behind Xena that held her so securely. There seemed to be a bit of blood on the child's leg. Gabrielle lost her breath. Eve was not crying, but the sight made her sickened with fear. She checked the small arms and legs but found nothing on the child. As she moved to face Xena a trickle of blood from her lover's back became evident. Xena was not turning toward her.

"Xena," she gasped, "You're bleeding."

Xena groaned a bit as her knees seemed to grow weak. Gabrielle, could not catch her as she was preoccupied with the baby. Joxer grabbed hold of Xena's right arm and helped her to lean against a large nearby tree. The dagger had managed to pierce the warrior's leather, just missing Eve as it slid through the gap between the warrior's armor and the pack for the baby.

"Eve…" she let go in a panic.

"She's fine," Gabrielle assured her, placing the child into her mother's arms. Gabrielle could see the tear in Xena's eye.

She saw the flicker of fear in her lover's eye as well as Xena turned to her gaze, "Gabrielle," she began – but she could not continue, choking back tears and caressing the infant in a tight embrace.

Gabrielle, for her part, was now focused on the warrior's back. Concern on her face for both the wound and the warrior's emotional state. The blood seemed to continue to fall. Joxer looked at the bard holding his breath searching for reassurance. She shook her head slightly, "Xena, this is deep," she said. "We need to get you somewhere where I can take care of this. I can't do it with all this on you."

Xena was silent. "Joxer," Gabrielle continued, "Go up the road a few paces and see if there is a spot with some coverage." He nodded. "Xena." There was still no answer. "Xena," the bard prompted her half holding the warrior, "Can you manage to get on Argo?" Silence.

Xena began to try to get to her feet. "Just wait here," the bard said. "I'll get Argo." She made her way across the path and led Argo the short distance to the tree. It was quite clear that Xena was in pain and perhaps in shock. As worried as the bard was about Xena's wound; she was growing more concerned about the warrior's silence. She reached into one of the satchels and pulled out the baby sling that they used for Eve when they were walking or doing their everyday tasks. Returning to her partner she gently reached to pry the infant from her mother's protective embrace. Xena looked up at her with an expression of utter terror and an obvious reluctance to let go.

"Xena, you cannot ride with Eve. I'm not even sure how we are going to get you onto Argo."

Xena finally exhaled and reluctantly passed the infant to the bard. "I'm not going to let anything happen to Eve," Gabrielle said as she helped the warrior to her feet, "I promise."

Xena smiled, still obviously fighting both pain and fear. Gabrielle caught sight of Joxer as he approached, nearly out of breath. "Did you find someplace?" she asked.

He bent over with his hands firmly placed on his knees attempting to catch his breath. "Yeah," he forced the words through his rapid breath, "Just ahead."

"All right, help me get her on Argo." Gabrielle was now in charge of their safety. She had played this role before, but never had she felt such an immense weight. The need to protect Eve, the need to comfort and reassure Xena, and the need to separate herself from her own fear. It was clear that the Gods were not going to let them rest for long.

They rode the short distance ahead. Joxer had found an excellent place. He paid close attention to what Xena did when they were together. There was a small, clear stream and large trees covered the entire area like an umbrella. Right in the center was a small grassy area, large enough for a campsite, but small enough that it would be hard to detect. The thickness of the tree coverage would mask the smoke from a small fire.

"You did good, Joxer," Gabrielle smiled as they helped Xena down. Gabrielle laid out the bed rolls in front of a large boulder and helped Xena to sit. Xena looked up at her searching for the infant.

"Joxer," Gabrielle turned to him, "Go and get some water from the stream and get a fire started." He nodded scurrying off to get the tasks done quickly.

"First things first," the bard said. "We have to get all this off you."

Xena acknowledged the fact with a crooked smile. Gabrielle began unfastening the warrior's breastplate and then gently began removing her leathers, careful not to cause her pain. Every so often Xena would gasp. "Might have grazed your lung, Xena," Gabrielle said softly.

It was the first time Xena spoke, "No, I don't think so," she said. "Not too deeply anyway."

Gabrielle was relieved, both that Xena was beginning to snap out of her state of shock and that she felt the injury was less serious than Gabrielle feared. Once the warrior was down to her shift, Gabrielle removed Eve from her own protection and handed her to Xena. Xena just smiled. "It's going to be okay," Gabrielle said taking the warriors face in her hands, "I promise. We'll figure this out."

A tear escaped the warrior's eye. She truly looked more like an innocent peasant girl sitting there in her brown shift, tears softy falling. "How, Gabrielle," she looked at Eve, "They almost..."

Gabrielle did not allow her to finish her statement, "but they didn't," she reminded Xena. "Xena," she continued looking at her lover hold this small package of perfection so tenderly, "I love you. I would die before I would let anyone hurt you or Eve. That's not going to happen, whatever we have to do."

Xena looked at the bard. There was a look of both fierce determination and undeniable love in her eyes and the warrior could not help but feel a small grin unfolding. Gabrielle reached out and stroked the infant's head, looking upon her with such wonder and such resolve. Xena choked back a tear and lifted one hand to guide Gabrielle's face to her own. "You're right," the warrior said firmly.

Gabrielle was lost in the wave of emotions that overtook them both now; love, fear, understanding, compassion, determination, even desire. There was something about looking into Xena's eyes that always transported her from this world. It was the same for her warrior. Gabrielle leaned in and kissed her lover. It was a soft and comforting kiss, but it had deep passion and emotion. It seemed what they both needed at that moment; the reminder that they were two parts of a greater whole; now three strands woven together in a family. Sometimes neither words nor weapons were adequate. In those moments it was the touch, the feel of their bodies together that seemed to remind them and cement their understanding of what their relationship truly was.

Consumed in the moment they did not see Joxer as he approached. Gabrielle was slowly pulling away from their kiss, "Joxer will be back any minute," she said. "I have to get that wound stitched up. Then we'll figure out what our next move should be." Xena nodded in agreement.

Joxer ducked behind a small bush as he saw Gabrielle crouched down in front of the warrior. They were speaking softly and he could not hear what they were saying, but he sensed he should wait a moment before making his presence known. The whole event had shaken him. It was unusual for Xena to react the way she had. He knew that they were facing threats from Olympus after he himself was injured by Apollo's army. Xena faced these things every day. He was surprised to see the effect this had on her now.

He felt his heart stop for a moment as Gabrielle stroked the infants head and looked at Xena. They always seemed to let their glances linger. He noticed it that day Eli had brought them back; the way Gabrielle looked at Xena. The way Xena looked at the bard. He wished Gabrielle would look at him that way. He never thought about the possibility that they were lovers. They were best friends. Xena had been with so many men. Gabrielle had married Perdicus, after all. They were best friends, that's what they told EVERYONE.

Now, he watched, and his breath completely left his chest, as the woman he loved so deeply searched his best friend's eyes and kissed her. Not a peck. Not a comforting sign of endearment; a kiss. The kind of kiss only two people in love share. He closed his eyes for a second thinking it might be his imagination, but when he opened them they were still there, lost in each other. "I am so stupid," he said to himself aloud. He thought that he would be mad, but he felt no anger. He felt embarrassed at being such a fool. He also felt a strange sense of relief. Gabrielle didn't love him, she couldn't, because she loved Xena. What he couldn't understand is why she didn't tell him that. Why had they kept him in the dark? Was this new? Was this now? Now, how could he pretend he didn't know?


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20 – Best Friends

Joxer took a deep breath and headed toward the women, placing the bucket of water next to the blanket that Xena was sitting on.

"Thank you, Joxer," Gabrielle smiled trying to pull her gaze away from the warrior. He swallowed hard, looked at both of them and forced a slight smile.

"So…" he began, "I'm just going to go get that fire started," he smiled at Xena but she could tell there was something bothering him. Gabrielle got everything that she needed and started to take care of the wound on Xena's back. Eve cooed a bit and Xena and Gabrielle both smiled.

"Seems like everybody is getting hungry," Gabrielle said bright eyed as she watched Eve open her eyes wide with a yawn and a small cry.

"Yep," the warrior winced as the bard finished stitching the long gash.

Gabrielle looked over toward the fire that Joxer had started but she didn't see him there, "Huh?" she questioned.

"What?" Xena asked.

Gabrielle shook her head slightly as if shaking off a thought, "Just strange. I wonder where Joxer went?"

"Well, maybe he had some little boy things to take care of," Xena raised an eyebrow.

Gabrielle was thankful that the warrior was slowly returning to her normal humor and laughed. "Probably."

Once she was finished with Xena, she went to stoke the fire and add a few logs. "I'm not sure what we're going to do for dinner, Xena," she said. "I really don't want to leave you here, but we don't have much."

Xena looked at her knowingly. Just then an image appeared through the trees startling them both for a second. It was Joxer. He had several good sized fish with him and some berries. Gabrielle and Xena smiled. He often surprised them and both knew that they often did not give him enough credit.

"HUNGRY?" He beamed, pleased with his conquest of the stream.

"Joxer," Xena said, "thank you." He just nodded yet again. "You're welcome," he smiled, "But I ain't cookin' 'em! – and I ain't cleanin' 'em either!"

Gabrielle's eyebrows lifted a bit but she noticed that he averted her gaze which was more than unusual.

"I'll take care of all of that, Joxer," Gabrielle said. Again he nodded.

In a short time the fish were ready and the baby had been fed. The three friends sat at the fire quietly. Gabrielle noticed that Xena was fighting to keep herself from nodding off all together. She couldn't help but give in to the laugh that was begging to be heard.

"What?" the warrior asked startled awake. Joxer shook his head and smiled.

All Gabrielle could see were the many days Xena would nod off mid-sentence, mid-ride, mid- lovemaking, mid-eating when she was first pregnant with Eve. "I think someone needs to go to bed," her eyebrows creased as she lovingly offered a hand to her lover to guide her to her feet.

"MMMM," was all the warrior would say, and even that seemed to be accompanied by a yawn. Xena turned and headed for the bedroll.

"Get some sleep," Gabrielle gently called to her, leaving the bard alone beside the man who had worshiped her for so many seasons now.

It was painfully quiet for a long while. The truth was nagging at them both. Gabrielle felt a pit in her stomach. She was tired of hiding the truth from her friend. She loved Joxer, and loved him deeply; just not as he wanted her to.

"Joxer," she began, "You really came through today. Thank you."

In true Joxer fashion he nodded. The silence seemed to continue.

"I'm just so glad they are both all right," Gabrielle said almost as if she was speaking solely to herself, "I can't imagine what I would do…."

Joxer thought for a minute rubbing his forehead. What should he say? Should he say anything?

"Gabrielle," he took a long and deep breath. Looking at her as she stared into the flames before them; he suddenly saw everything clearly. He couldn't deny that it hurt him but he also couldn't deny that a part of him has always known. "I don't think there is anything that can separate you from them."

She looked at him quizzically.

"You are meant to be together," he said fixing his sights on a large log that was splintering in the fire.

She sighed deeply and looked for some meaning in his expression and his words.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" he asked her now.

Gabrielle was frozen. Tell him what? Oh Gods, he knew. How long had he known?

"Xena's not just your best friend," he looked at her now and their eyes met.

She felt her lips become taught. "No. She's not," she calmly acknowledged.

He sighed, closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Joxer," she spoke so softly it was hard to hear her own words. "I just, I didn't know how to tell you. I guess I hoped you would just _know_."

His own lips curled as he thought about the conversation at hand. "I guess," he said, "I guess, I didn't want to know."

She took his hand. "I do love you, Joxer."

"I know you do," he said placing his other hand over hers and patting her hand slightly, "I know you do," he hesitated, looked at the warrior sleeping across from them and then looked at the bard, "But… you are in love with her," he said.

"Yes. I am." She looked at him with great compassion and admiration.

"I know that too," he said. He was quiet now, poking at the log on the fire with a stick. Gabrielle's heart ached for him. His voice was so quiet she could hardly make out his words. "I wish," he began.

She felt her eyes beginning to water, "what, Joxer?"

"I wish I had a best friend," he said never ceasing his exploration of the log.

"You do, Joxer," she squeezed his hand as her tears fell, "Two of them."

He smiled earnestly. The two friends sat in front of the fire until it died, holding hands. When the final embers dwindled he rose to his feet still holding the bard's hand and she looked upon his face with the faint glow of red and orange sparkles. "Good night, Friend," he slowly let go of her hand and headed to his own space in the moonlight.

She sat alone for several moments surveying the embers, the warrior, and her friend and with a peaceful heart and a loving sigh made her way to her rightful place, holding her love, thankful for his friendship.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21 – Stay Still

Reflections on the Battle with Athena at Amphipolis and the loss of Amarice and Yakut in "Lifeblood."

**Xena:**

_These Gods are relentless. All of this because they fear mortality? So much so that they would kill an infant. Violence following me is one thing; but violence following my child? I can't put it out of my mind. It is always there. I am used to this, but now everything has changed. Everything._

_Gabrielle amazes me. She hasn't wavered, not even once. I've never seen her so determined. Seems like we have come full circle. I am the one who is constantly worried and she is the one reassuring me. She doesn't like to tell me when something is bothering her, not lately. All of energy has been focused on protecting us, on protecting Eve - and I know that losing Amarice is affecting her. She hasn't said much but I've caught her playing with the necklace she had given Amarice when she thinks I am not paying attention. _

_I think that it is good that she has some time to act as Queen here. Good to take her mind off all the other things in her life. It feels good not to be looking over our shoulders for a bit; waiting for Ares or waiting for some God to attack us. It's good to get some rest. It won't last long. That is all I CAN be sure of._

**Gabrielle: **

_Amarice. I am so sorry. I wish you could see Eve. She is perfect, big bright eyes just like her mother. I was looking forward to introducing you; to come here and find this…_

_Sometimes I don't know what to think. I know that I love Xena and Eve but I wonder where I fit. I am not Eve's parent. Who am I, really? What am I? At least here I feel like I am needed and I know that we are safe, safe at least from the Gods. Xena is more relaxed these last few days than I have seen her in so long. She actually sleeps. _

_We are always traveling, always moving and even more now with the Gods after Eve. I wonder sometimes if we will ever be still again. Sometimes, I just want to be still._


	22. Chapter 22 -The Things We Leave Unsaid

Chapter 22 – The Things We Leave Unsaid

_Takes place immediately after "Anthony and Cleopatra" in Season 5_

Gabrielle was excited about the trip south. Xena had promised a respite away; a cruise down the Nile. A visit to Egypt sounded perfect. They needed a break. They needed some time. Gabrielle was stunned when Xena had suggested that Cyrene go with them. Xena thought that it would give Cyrene some time with Eve and that - THAT would give her some time with Gabrielle. It would be a family trip. Xena hoped that it would be the first of many to come. They had left starry eyed and excited. Rested from their brief time with the Amazons and away from the Greek Gods.

It should have been no surprise when they received word in Alexandria that Cleopatra needed Xena's help immediately. This was the nature of their life; upheaval. When Xena learned that the Egyptian Queen was dead, and at the hand of Romans; she was determined to defend the Queen's empire and its people. "Rome." She thought to herself. It seemed Romans were determined even now to thwart her happiness.

Arriving at the palace, Gabrielle was still optimistic that the trip would create a needed diversion for them. The palace, the pyramids – it was opulent. She had to admit she was not thrilled with Xena's game plan; seduction. It had only been a short time since the warrior used this same ploy with Ares in Amphipolis. Gabrielle knew that Xena loved her. She also knew that there was a part of Xena, a piece that always craved adventure and even recklessness. Ares represented both. And, Gabrielle could not deny that the thought of the God touching her lover in any way made her sick to her stomach.

When the bard saw Mac Anthony for the first time she thought she might throw up. She watched Xena assume her character and she watched Xena playfully and seductively entice the Roman. It was bad enough that she had to seduce anyone, much less a Roman. Gabrielle worried. She suddenly felt very distant and very threatened. When it was all over, Roman blood spilled, she saw Xena's face and detected in it some amount of pain in killing the dashing Roman warrior. It stayed with her.

Making their way back to Greece they stopped at a small inn. The journey had been filled with pleasantries and taking care of Eve's needs. Other than that it had been quiet, even with Cyrene there.

"I think that Eve should stay in my room tonight," Cyrene said.

"She'll need to eat," Xena protested.

Cyrene just looked at her daughter, "I managed while you were off fighting….she managed. She'll manage tonight."

Xena knew better than to argue with her mother when she put her foot down. Eve had slept between the warrior and her bard every night since they all reunited. Sometimes in the night Xena and Gabrielle's hands would brush as they both reached for the baby, but that always resulted in Gabrielle pulling away and rolling over. Gabrielle had tried to be supportive of Xena in Egypt and she even tried to be understanding about Xena's propensity for bad boys, but Xena knew that the bard was deeply hurt and she didn't know what to say.

"I'm going to go stable Argo," Gabrielle said.

Xena nodded.

"We'll order some food," Cyrene said, "and meet you in the tavern. Then we can ALL get some rest." She gave Gabrielle a comforting smile. Gabrielle nodded silently, her pain obvious and headed for the stables.

As they entered the tavern Cyrene spoke again, "What happened, Xena?"

Xena looked up from Eve in astonishment. "I told you – we…"

"No. I am not talking about whatever your _mission_ was. What happened with Gabrielle?"

Xena just looked down and shook her head.

"Xena," she said firmly as only a mother can, "Tell her you love her."

Xena looked at her mother wide eyed.

"She'll forgive you, whatever it is," she continued.

Xena sighed. In her heart she knew that this would pass, but right now she didn't know what to say to her bard. The truth was that she lost sight of everything in Egypt. She was tired of feeling helpless, running from Gods, being afraid all of the time and confronting Marc Anthony reminded her again of Caesar, of Rome, of crosses and of betrayal. As Cleopatra she had felt powerful again and that was seductive to her. With Gabrielle, it was so different – with the bard she was also powerless. Gabrielle disarmed her. It had always been that way and even now Xena feared that weakness in herself.

Marc Anthony was a welcome diversion and it was seductive. She could not deny her physical attraction to him. But, her pain was not because she felt real emotion for him as Gabrielle feared. It was something completely different.

Gabrielle walked in and Xena smiled. She watched the bard walk across the room toward the table. Her heart was full and her heart ached.

"Argo's all set," the bard said taking a seat and noticing that Xena was looking at her much more intensely than she had in days.

"Well," Cyrene began, "Let's get ourselves fed so we can get settled too."

Midway through their dinner together Eve began to cry. "Xena," her mother said, "Why don't you take her and get her set for the night? Gabrielle and I will settle things here and be over shortly."

Xena looked at her mother with some concern for what the woman might be thinking. Gabrielle was playing with the food on her plate and completely focused on that task.

"Just go," Cyrene squinted and then smiled.

"All right, then," the warrior said, "I will see you shortly."

Gabrielle remained fixated on the plate. She was not eating much, just making shapes with her food.

"Gabrielle," Cyrene reached for the bard's hand, "What's bothering you?"

Gabrielle looked at the woman who had become like a mother to her. She tried to force a smile, "Nothing, why?"

Cyrene needed no words her stare told the bard that she was not going to believe that statement.

"Look, Gabrielle, whatever it is, whatever happened… Xena loves you."

Gabrielle pursed her lips a bit, "I know she does." There was a long pause. "But, sometimes I wonder what I am doing. She doesn't need me. With all of this chaos…."

Cyrenes' smile grew, "Well, far be it from me to meddle, "she winked, "but I do know my daughter. She needs you. Believe me," she said as if exasperated by the thought. Gabrielle laughed.

The two women made their way to the inn across the courtyard. They found Xena finishing changing Eve. "I'll take it from here," Cyrene beamed. As she left the room she looked at the two women and smiled broadly, "Good night…" she said allowing the phrase to linger.

"Tired?" Xena asked the bard.

"A bit."

Xena was already wearing a long black shift, ready for bed. Gabrielle sat in a chair and started taking off her boots. Xena went to go lie down taking up half the bed, propping herself up with her hands behind her head. She watched Gabrielle's every move. She watched every twist and turn, every lace be untied, and she watched her slip the long shirt over her head. No matter how long she was with Gabrielle she never stopped being amazed by her, by everything about her. It wasn't simply that she was beautiful; it was her laugh, it was her mind, her compassion, the way she moved, the way she spoke; everything. Xena often found herself struggling to understand the depth of what she felt for the bard. Knowing that Gabrielle was there meant everything to her and even now it frightened her. She had made her life learning how to be in control, take control, master her senses, master her surroundings – but when she was with Gabrielle she felt completely vulnerable, completely overwhelmed; Gabrielle was in control even if she didn't know that.

Gabrielle made her way to the bed and looked at Xena for a long moment as she allowed herself to lie down. There was no baby to separate them now. There was no "coo" to focus on, no cute expression to divert their attention… it was just the two of them.

Xena thought about her mother and what she had said. She wondered if her mother was right, maybe she just needed to say the words.

"Gabrielle," she said very quietly.

"MMMM?" Gabrielle answered.

"You know…." The warrior paused," You know I love you."

Gabrielle took a deep breath and held it for a moment. As she let it escape she rolled over to face the warrior.

"I know you love me," she said. There was a definite tension in her voice as she continued, "And I love you. I love you more than anything," she stopped.

Xena's heart skipped. Maybe her mother was right. She started to turn to her side to face Gabrielle when Gabrielle continued, "You hurt me, Xena. You really hurt me."

Xena could not breathe. She had not expected Gabrielle to be so blunt.

"You know… I heard you say you felt something with Ares when we were in Amphipolis. I let that go. I know your history. I know you aren't in love with him. But part of you wanted him and I knew that too. You don't think that hurts?"

Xena was shocked. She could not believe that Gabrielle was actually saying this. "Gabrielle..."

"No… Xena… No. You want to tell me that you love me and have me look into your eyes and everything just be fine. No. It's not fine," she paused. She had no tears. She seemed angry, not yelling, but it was clear to Xena that she had more than crossed a line with the bard.

"I get it. I get it. I do. You love 'bad boys' and Marc Anthony certainly fit that bill."

"Gabrielle, I was just…"

"Playing a role? I don't think so, Xena. Do you have any idea what that was like for _me_? Watching you kiss him? Watching you invite him to your _bed_?" Gabrielle's body was shaking. Xena could do nothing but stare at her. The warrior suddenly felt like a small girl who had been caught by her mother stealing treats from the kitchen; and she felt the same guilt, only worse.

Gabrielle did not stop, "We were going to Egypt to be together as a family. Right? Isn't that what you said, Xena? A cruise down the Nile? Didn't you make love to me the night before Cleopatra's dispatch arrived? Telling me how there could never be anyone else for you? How Eve and I were your life?"

Xena felt sick to her stomach. It was all true. All of it.

"And so, of course, the best way to solve the problems with Rome was to seduce another warrior. Interesting choice."

"It worked, didn't it?" Xena said defensively, "It was the safest plan and you know it."

"Safe for who? Safe for you? Safe for me? I'll tell you, I didn't feel very safe when you decided to meet him alone, late at night." She paused and rose to her feet, "And what exactly _happened _that night, Xena."

"Nothing. Gabrielle, I told you, nothing happened. I mean, we were kissing, yes… we were… and then," her thoughts were scrambled, "Brutus' men…"

"Ahhh, Right. You were interrupted."

"Gabrielle…"

"What do you want me to say, Xena? What? You and Eve are my whole life. Everything to me. I can't even imagine being with someone like that – so, I'm just supposed to accept that will you love me…"

Xena interrupted, "You don't understand," it sounded as though the warrior was angry but tears had begun to fall swiftly from her eyes.

"Explain it to me then," the bard was now crying as well.

"I became Cleopatra and I was in control… of everything. I lost sight of everything… except that feeling of control. I controlled Rome. I controlled him…"

Gabrielle stared at her, "and me…"

Xena's tears were falling harder than Gabrielle could remember. "I have no control with you Gabrielle."

Gabrielle shook her head in disbelief and in doubt.

"I don't. I don't. None…. I HATED seeing that Roman armor," she continued, "He wanted me and he _needed me_. No crosses, no betrayal… I was in charge… of everything… of _him_."

Gabrielle stopped her pacing and looked at Xena. Xena had her face in her hands. Gabrielle realized what her lover was talking about, "Caesar…" she said in a low and painful tone. There was no answer. "You're talking about Caesar."

Xena did not lift her head, "and then I realized, I became _him_. I was the betrayer. I had the cross and I was going to nail him to it… and I just felt sick."

Gabrielle sighed. She always thought she understood Xena, but this time she had been wrong. This was never about Marc Anthony or even lust. It was about Caesar. It was about Rome. It was about Xena talking something back. Gabrielle looked up to the ceiling, gathering her thoughts. She sighed and bit her bottom lip. She could not deny she was still hurting, but she also knew that this was not truly about her or their relationship; or was it? She made her way to the warrior and gently lifted her face.

"Gabrielle…"

"Xena," she started, "You can't keep replaying Caesar."

"I know," Xena said, "It's not just that."

Gabrielle sighed, now she was afraid again, "Then, what? What is it?"

Xena swallowed hard, "I'm afraid….Gabrielle…. I'm afraid."

Gabrielle's heart sank. "Of what?... Xena…..What are you afraid of?"

Xena sighed through a stream of tears, "There are all kinds of crosses, Gabrielle. These Gods want Eve dead. I can't kill Gods. How do I protect her? Lately it seems like you are always protecting me."

Gabrielle laughed, "Hardly," she said.

"No. Gabrielle. You are. You have been so strong. So determined. Determined to take care of Eve, to take care of me… to keep me calm…"

Gabrielle smiled, "I love you, Xena. Of course I want to protect you."

"But, I am the protector."

Gabrielle smiled, "Yes, you are."

"How can I protect you when I am defenseless with you?" Xena began to cry again. This time the bard lifted the warrior's chin so that their eyes would meet."

"Xena."

"It's true, Gabrielle."

Gabrielle smiled and wiped a tear as it fell from the warrior's eye, "Xena…When we are fighting, or walking, or even sleeping… when you are holding Eve…when you are holding me…. I am always amazed at how you are so in control, sensing, knowing, mastering the moment…"

Xena sighed, "When I am holding you," She stroked the bard's face, "I feel like I am falling… falling so fast I can't catch myself. And then," she paused, "You catch me. Every time."

Xena still surprised Gabrielle at her mastery of words. Just as Gabrielle had learned to fight, Xena could often speak poetry without knowing it. Gabrielle couldn't speak. She just kept searching the warrior's eyes. The events in Egypt had hurt the bard deeply, but the one thing she was always sure of was her love for Xena and the fact that no one – not in heaven or hell, earth or Olympus could ever change that.

"I love you, Gabrielle. I know I said it. And I know that you …."

"Shhh," the bard pressed her fingers to the warrior's lips and leaned in to kiss her, "I love you too," she said as their lips met. It reminded them both of their first kiss, their very first kiss before either had the courage to say the words 'I love you' as they really intended.

As they lay back onto the bed Gabrielle placed her head on the warrior's chest allowing Xena's strong arms to pull her close. "Xena," she said, "just so you know…"

"Yes?" the warrior inquired.

"The safest place I know is here. If I catch you… it's only because you taught me how."

Xena kissed her on the head, "Gabrielle?... I'm falling…"

"Don't worry, Xena… I'm here…"


	23. Chapter 23 - Awakenings

Chapter 23 – Awakenings

_Reflections of waking up 25 years later and discovering Eve is Livia of Rome_

**Xena:**

_Romans. Always Romans. Even Octavius. I should have known better. It isn't bad enough that he has made my daughter a ruthless warrior for an empire I hate: he wants to bed her too. My sweet baby girl. How am I supposed to fix this? I can't turn time backward. Is this what the fates meant? And, Ares… Ares corrupting my baby… just like he loved corrupting me; taking her innocence. What were we thinking? Twenty five years. Twenty five… she is nearly the same age as Gabrielle. How am I supposed to deal with that? My daughter in Roman armor, persecuting people who honor the very thing that gave her life. I feel lost. I can't even feel angry. How do I reach her?_

_I know that rage. I know that desire. The desire for power. She comes by that naturally. My darkness, Callisto's soul… dark places. Places that are hard to find light in. How could we have left her, how could I? Even for a minute….. And now… now what?_

_We should be sitting at the table with Joxer and Meg… we should look like they do – be like they are. This was not supposed to happen. _

_Romans. Always Romans. Always crosses. Warriors… I just wanted you to be a child. To be innocent… to crawl and then to walk… and then to run… and now, now you are a woman – filled with the desire for power. Filled with a lust for violence… I know that rage. Romans gave it to me and Ares nurtured it…. And, now… here you are… so much like your mother – in a time that is so far past. I have no idea where to turn. Solon… Hope…lost to violence… born to darkness..now you.. my great hope… my gift.. my joy…_

_Romans. I hate Romans….Eli – help me…._

**Gabrielle:**

_I looked in Xena's eyes tonight and she was so far away; not from me but from here. All I could see was this hopelessness and it scares me. Eve. I can't believe it. I can't. I was holding her in my arms just moments before Octavius took her. How could he? Make her a daughter of Rome? Rome? Always Romans. It's always Romans… Ephiny….Marc Anthony…. Caesar…. Eve. _

_I know what Xena is thinking. She has to save Eve, but what if she can't? If she lost Eve… she would lose herself. That is too much. I can't bear it. I can't watch it. I have to protect them both. There has to be a way – a way to reach her. She is Xena's child. Xena sees darkness… but there has to be light. She is Xena's child; part of her. Eli would not give her to us just to have her stolen away by Rome… by Ares. Ares… always Ares in the middle of our lives, plotting… planning, some way to win her love…. And he tales Eve. Eve too? _

_Whatever it takes we have to reach her… if Xena can't - I will. I would rather die than see Xena lose herself. I was holding her… just days ago… and now she's a woman – a warrior. I don't understand what the purpose in this is. What is it? Eli? What? Why? Help me. Eli… please….._

**Joxer: **

_I should have known that they would still be alive. I should have kept looking. I can't believe they are here. They look the same… not a day… not a day older. All these years… Gabrielle….I thought you were gone…. Gone forever. Xena.. I watched you – I watched him take you. I looked. I should've have kept looking._

_I can't believe they are here. I can't….._


	24. Chapter 24 - Parents and Children

Chapter 24 – Parents and Children

_This takes place sometime between the end of "Motherhood" in Season 5 and "Coming Home" at the beginning of Season 6._

They had been traveling for a few days. Xena and Gabrielle both felt a need to get home. They would travel through the Amazon lands first and then head to Amphipolis before heading to Potedaia. They had no idea what they would find. Everyone assumed they had been dead for twenty five years. Everything had changed. Their friends' children were suddenly their peers. It was an inconceivable circumstance. Eve was a grown woman. They had missed her first words, her first steps, her first crush, first kiss. They had missed all the things they had thought they would share together, hovering in some bizarre limbo between life and death.

While Eve was grown, there was a childlike quality about her when she was with Xena and Gabrielle. The truth was, no matter how all three tried to deny it; no one truly knew how these relationships would or should work. Gabrielle found herself thinking that perhaps she should give Xena some time with her daughter. Eve just felt afraid. Afraid that for all of their overtures they still saw Livia when they looked at her. And Xena; Xena just wanted to turn back time. She wanted to hold them both so tightly that time would have no choice but to cooperate and she knew that she could not say that to either of them.

"Why don't we stop for the afternoon," Xena said with a smile. It was much earlier in the day than normal for settling into a camp. Gabrielle smiled, pleasantly surprised but Xena could see the curiosity in her glance and let forth a chuckle, "Is that okay?" she smiled at the bard.

Eve was up ahead of them slightly and was picking some flowers at the side of the path they had been walking. She was so childlike in so many ways, as though she were discovering everything for the first time. Xena looked at her daughter and turned back to Gabrielle. She had an expression that Gabrielle knew well. An expression that was more like a secret their hearts shared. It was just a fact that the two could convey every thought, every feeling, and every fear – just in an exchanged glance. Gabrielle felt a feeling of complete happiness wash over her for a moment. She loved Xena so much. This was one of those moments when, for the bard, everything but Xena had disappeared from the world for a moment. This was the part of the warrior that so few really ever knew. The part that longed for a family. The part that she loved so deeply.

"I think it's a great idea," the bard smiled.

"Okay Eve," Xena began. "Let's head down to that pond and make camp for the afternoon."

Eve smiled broadly. She was happy with whatever her mother wanted to do; walk, ride, sit – she just wanted to be near her. She nodded and made her way through some trees to a clearing that was up ahead.

The three walked the short distance. It was quiet. Sometimes words just seemed to cloud everything. This was one of those times. It didn't take too long to have the area set up; a place for an evening fire.

"I am going to go see about dinner," the warrior announced. Gabrielle thought she might be heading to the pond and was a bit surprised when she reached for her bow.

"Hunting?" Gabrielle was surprised. She knew that Eve would not want to go on that expedition and Xena had not wanted to be apart from Eve since they had come back together.

"Tired of fish," the warrior answered. "Venison sounds better, don't you think?"

Gabrielle nodded approval, albeit with an ounce of surprise in the warrior's plan. "Sounds good to me."

Xena acknowledged her bard with a crooked smile. Gabrielle sensed there was more to the warrior's agenda.

"I'll be back shortly," the warrior assured both the bard and her daughter.

"The fire will be ready when you get here," Gabrielle said. With that the warrior was gone on her mission for food.

Eve was unpacking some of their supplies quietly. Once she had pulled out her own bed roll and some of their cooking utensils, she made her way to where Gabrielle was kneeling setting up an area for the fire.

"Can I help?"

The bard nodded, "Sure. Do you want to see of you can find a few logs? A couple for sitting and a few for burning." Eve's grin was wide. She was clearly eager to please Gabrielle and Gabrielle found herself watching the young woman as she headed the short distance away toward a slightly wooded area. She seemed to be looking at everything, every tree, every bush, every blade of grass for that matter. Gabrielle pondered the thought that Eve's transition from Livia had somehow instilled a new childhood within her. It was difficult to believe that this was the same woman from a few weeks ago. Gabrielle shook off her thoughts and returned to the focus on her tasks. Before she knew it Eve was back with some logs. She disappeared a few more times until she had completed all of her assigned tasks.

"What else can I do?" she asked.

"If you could just get me some water in the pot – that would help. I need to get this fire burning," the bard smiled as she poked at the fire with a large stick attempting to get it to burn hotter. Eve did as Gabrielle had asked and then sat down on one of the logs she had placed near the fire and watched the bard intently. Gabrielle could feel the weight of her stare but she stayed focused on dinner. She was putting some herbs into the pot and getting it ready for a stew.

Eve watched how Gabrielle cut the herbs. Her hands were strong but there was something delicate about every move. Gabrielle looked up and saw a look of curiosity on the young woman's face. "I figured this was the safest bet," she chuckled. "Your mother may have her sight set on venison, but she might not get the cooperation she hopes for." It was still early in the day and most times the stags were not out in any numbers until closer to dusk. She looked at Eve who seemed to be waiting for her explanation, "I have learned over the years that Venison can be rabbit or squirrel or… Well who knows?" she laughed to herself.

Eve smiled. "Gabrielle," the woman began.

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you something?"

Gabrielle felt a slight wave of apprehension come over her. She knew that Eve had many questions about her mother, about her own birth. They had tried to fill most of the major gaps, but there was still so much left to say and left to learn – for all of them. The bard nodded permission.

"When mother," she paused and looked at her feet. "When mother had me… or told you about me… were you mad?"

Gabrielle was stunned. This was NOT the question she had expected; at all. She wasn't sure what she HAD expected, some question about the Gods, or Xena's battles, how they came to find her, about Callisto… something – not this. She felt her heart drop. What would make Eve ask that?

Gently she asked, "Why would you ask that, Eve?"

Eve shrugged with insecurity.

Gabrielle took a deep breath. She and Xena had not hidden anything from Eve. They had tried to be somewhat gentle, but Eve understood fully that their relationship was something much deeper than a friendship. She thought for a long moment before she answered. Angry? At Xena's pregnancy or Eve's birth?

The bard's lips seemed to join into one as she began to speak, "Angry?" she paused. "No," and then she chuckled, "when she told me she was pregnant, well…. I was surprised…. To say the least," a smile seemed to be creeping on her face at the memory. "She didn't exactly tell me carefully. She blurted it out in a stable in front of our friends. – I guess I was a little annoyed with THAT."

Eve looked at her with some concern.

Gabrielle caught the expression and focused on the stick that was lying partially in the fire, poking at the logs, "But, mad about you?" A smile filled her entire face. "No. Never." The bard seemed to be off in a distant land somewhere as she continued her thought, "I used to lie awake and wonder what you would look like. Would you have her nose? Her eyes?" She looked across the fire at the women who she had cradled as a baby just weeks ago in her own memory. "Never." The bard looked up and deliberately held Eve's gaze.

The sound of footsteps getting closer brought them both out of the moment. Xena was walking back into camp looking somewhat disappointed. She had two good sized rabbits, but there was no deer. Both Eve and Gabrielle smiled trying to suppress a giggle. "See…" Gabrielle winked.

"No deer running," the warrior offered, "I'm sorry."

For whatever reason Xena seemed to be unusually irritated or downtrodden by her failure to produce venison for dinner. Gabrielle suspected she was trying to make a perfect evening somehow. She looked at Xena lovingly, "It's early," her eyes conveyed compassion and reality all at once.

Xena's mouth wrinkled, "I will take care of this," holding up her conquest for dinner.

Gabrielle preferred not to be the butcher, but she was more than capable.

"No, Xena. Why don't you go water Argo, take Eve and wash up. I have this."

Xena looked at her partner questioning.

"I can dress a rabbit," the bard raised her eyebrow.

Xena smiled. "Come on Eve, we have our marching orders."

Gabrielle set right to taking care of the rabbit and getting the stew cooking. She could not shake the question that she had been asked just a short time ago. She thought out loud, "Have I made her think that somehow?" It was true that Joxer's death had hit the bard extremely hard, but it certainly did not trump her love for Eve. Her thoughts were foggy as she prepared dinner.

When the pair returned a short time later Eve handed Gabrielle a cluster of flowers that she had picked by the water. Gabrielle wasn't sure if this was some kind of apology, or some overture, but she was touched. "Thank you, Eve," she commented earnestly. "I hope you are both hungry."

"So…" Xena started. "What made you decide to start stew…. Before I even got back?"

Gabrielle rubbed her finger beneath her lips contemplating the answer. "Call it a hunch," she said playfully.

"Mmmmm" the warrior said. She turned to Eve, "She gets a lot of those," she quipped back.

Eve sat taking it all in. She was enjoying studying the two women.

Xena's focus had shifted from her daughter to the bard again. Gabrielle was cleaning up from dinner, circling the fire as she took care of the daily chores she had for so many years on nights so similar to this one. Xena seemed to be breathing in her every move as Eve concentrated on her mother.

Xena's voice was low and quiet now. She directed her comments to Eve, but her stare never left Gabrielle. "She had a hunch about you. About the day you would be born. I tried to get her to leave me," Eve wasn't sure but she thought perhaps her mother was beginning to get misty, "She wouldn't leave. Held me. Pressed me. Encouraged me." She stopped for a moment as Gabrielle pulled their bed roll out and began smoothing it across the ground a short distance away. "She handed you to me. She held us both, all night." Again she stopped. "I never dreamed it would be twenty five years before we would…" her thoughts trailed away. Eve sat silently in observation.

Gabrielle returned; her eyes wide at the scene before her. "What are you two talking about?" She said with a lighthearted prodding. The two women just smiled. "Oohhh kaaayyyy…" she let the word slowly fall from her tongue. "I am tired. Going to go get some rest."

Xena looked at Eve as if she were looking for permission.

"You should both get some rest," Eve said.

"What about you?" Gabrielle asked with a note of concern.

Eve just smiled. "Just going to watch the fire for a bit."

"I can sit with you," Xena said.

"No," Eve said. "I actually think I just want to sit here for a while."

Xena looked at Gabrielle with a growing worry. Eve looked at the bard and Gabrielle understood. Eve needed some time to just 'be'. Perhaps the pair had smothered her a bit with their parental protectiveness these last weeks. After all, she was a grown woman in her own right. And, Gabrielle understood that they were still strangers in many ways. There was love and there were unbreakable bonds, but she suddenly understood the earlier question now. Where did they all fit in this new family? Insecurity and uncertainty were on Eve's heart.

Gabrielle looked at Eve sweetly and took Xena's hand. "Come on, Xena. Let the girl relax."

Xena's reluctance was obvious, but the bard kept a confident and leading grip on her warrior. Xena followed slowly.

Gabrielle laid on the furs and looked at Xena as she sat with her knees to her chest trying not to be too obvious that she was attempting to keep watch on Eve. "Xena," she touched the warrior's back lightly, "she just needs some time alone."

Xena was tense. "Did I do something?"

Gabrielle closed her eyes absorbing Xena's fear. She sat up and placed her hand now firmly on the warrior's back. "No," she said as she deliberately and carefully pulled Xena back onto the furs beneath them to lie next to her. "She has been with us morning and night every day," Gabrielle said. "This is new for her too."

Xena turned and placed her head on Gabrielle's chest. This was a bit of role reversal for the pair, but it was hardly the first time. "You have to let her find her way too," Gabrielle stroked the long black hair that fell beside her.

"Another hunch?"

"Something like that," the bard kissed the warrior's head.

Eve watched as Gabrielle had gradually guided her mother back onto their bed roll. She could see their faint figures and as the fire began to dwindle, the moonlight seemed to highlight their embrace. She was mesmerized by them. The way they could read each other. The way her mother looked at Gabrielle. The way they looked at her. She wondered, even pictured, what it would have been like if this could have happened 20 years ago. She pictured Gabrielle holding her mother as her mother held her as a baby. Part of her wished that she could crawl on the bedroll with them. She wasn't sure whether to be thankful or sad or angry at all that she had missed. She surprised herself when she moved to the log on the other side of the fire to get a closer view.

Her mother's head rested gracefully on Gabrielle's breast. Gabrielle's arm gripped her mother's back gently. They looked so peaceful. Almost as if they were truly one person. And Eve couldn't shift her focus. She felt so envious. She felt so happy. She felt so alone and yet for the first time she really wanted to be close to someone, like a child that had a nightmare, she wanted her parents.

Gabrielle seemed to stir a little. Eve wanted to run, but she was frozen. Gabrielle's eyes opened. She looked at Eve, surprised at first and then searching. Eve seemed to be trembling.

"Eve, are you all right?" the bard asked gently. Eve couldn't even nod. "Bad dreams?"

She actually hadn't slept at all, but yes, there were bad dreams. And, it seemed a logical scapegoat.

Gabrielle sighed. She knew all too well about nightmares, she and Xena had taken turns being the comforter and protector throughout their relationship.

Like a mother comforting a small child the bard locked eyes with the woman before her, who truly seemed to fade into the image of the toddler she and Xena had never known. "Come over here with us," Gabrielle said.

Eve's heart jumped, but she stopped and paused. Gabrielle was smiling, picturing the small Eve. "Get your things, Eve," her voice was now firm. "I know all about nightmares. Come sleep next to us."

Eve did as she was told, like an obedient toddler. She laid down next to them. She could hear her mother lightly snoring in contentment. She could sense them just inches away. She settled in under her blanket, pulling it around her like a shield. She was still trembling. She felt a hand reach out and lovingly rub her back. "You are exactly as I pictured you," the voice said with her reassuring touch, "you look like your mother. Get some sleep, Evey…"

There was no way to recapture all of the years lost. But as Eve slowly drifted into dreams she felt a happiness she had never known and she knew she had come home.


	25. Chapter 25 - Turning Points

Chapter 25 – Turning Points

This takes place between "Heart of Darkness" and "Who's Gurkhan" in Season 6

_NOTE: This is one of the very few chapters that will depict true intimacy. If that makes you uncomfortable (As it does me writing it) please skip it and move on….while not explicit – it is descriptive…_

Over the years, Gabrielle had learned how to table her emotions when it came to Xena's plans that called for seduction. It always hurt, more deeply than she liked to let on. As much as she understood Xena's love for her; their connection was based on something other than lust. There were times when she wondered if she was enough for the warrior. They were her private doubts. Xena had so much more worldly experience in everything. She had been intimate with gods, warriors and warlords, priestesses and even poets. Gabrielle had been with two people in her life; Perdicus and Xena. The experience with Perdicus had been warm, but awkward. Her thoughts had rambled to the warrior even then. She trusted Perdicus. It was a gentle and sweet night, but it was not a night filled with passion; more exploration.

The interlude with hell in Amphipolis was eye opening for the bard. It was also eye opening for the warrior princess. Xena had not had to confront Gabrielle's interest in anyone other than her since they had become intimate. Her partner was devoted. Even when others expressed an interest in Gabrielle, Gabrielle's devotion to Xena was steady. Xena understood the need to tempt Lucifer. He needed to desire everything. He needed to covet what Xena possessed and that included Gabrielle. He also needed a reason to believe that the warrior would give herself to him. Virgil's interest in the bard certainly did not surprise Xena and it created an excellent opportunity. Still, she didn't expect to feel the way she did watching them.

There was suddenly a side to Gabrielle that the warrior had never allowed herself to see. Her relationship with Gabrielle was sacred to her. When she touched Gabrielle it was something that filled a deeper place within her. She wanted to be closer to her bard than any physical act could ever allow and she could never hold her close enough. She was always careful, gentle – even when she was playful. Her seduction of the bard was one of the heart, not one of the flesh. Watching her with Virgil, her expression, the way she moved and the way he looked at her; as Xena had looked at others in the past – seeking to satiate some physical desire – almost to cease a feeling of aggression; she felt a strange mixture of pain, anger, jealousy and _lust_. It was foreign and it made her uncomfortable. This was never how she looked at Gabrielle. Gabrielle was part of the warrior's soul and that deserved her reverence.

When they left Virgil and Eve to finish picking up the temple that evening, Xena was aloof. She was not certain what to say to Gabrielle. Gabrielle noticed that Xena was jealous and she was ashamed to admit, even to herself, that she was glad. She had certainly felt something with Virgil. Not really lust, but possibility. Xena called it intoxicating to travel to the dark side and she was right. Gabrielle loved that someone truly desired her; _desired_ her. Xena loved her. Xena made love to her; but _desire_? Gabrielle always felt that she fell short in that category. She watched Xena masterfully seduce Lucifer. She witnessed his hunger for her lover. She understood that feeling - better than anyone. She watched Xena tease him, not with banter, not with cute expressions, not with endearing professions of love; she enticed him with herself, with her body, with her beauty, with her sensuality – soft and hard all at once, demanding and desiring. It made the bard crazy.

She saw Xena watching; watching Virgil seduce her. She liked the look on her lover's face. She even enjoyed the fact, in that moment, that it might hurt Xena a little. She recalled Ares and Marc Anthony as she set her eyes upon the warrior kissing Lucifer. She wanted him gone. If she could have thrown him in the pit of hell herself; she would have right then and there. She wanted Xena to look at HER that way – not lovingly… but as a lover. The way Virgil was looking at her. He wanted to take her, not love her. It was odd for her to allow herself all of these thoughts. It seemed that wading into evil, even just slightly made the bard realize that her feelings were not always so innocent. She wanted all of Xena – all the pieces, light and dark.

They headed back to the tavern and to Xena's old room. Xena was quiet. Very quiet.

"Are you going to talk to me?" Gabrielle asked with a slightly annoyed tone in her voice.

Xena was silent.

"Xena…..You…."

"I, what?"

"This was YOUR plan…"

Xena would not face the bard. She was taking off her breastplate and fiddling with it more than usual. Gabrielle walked over to her and took over the task while Xena looked straight ahead. "Why are you upset?" the bard pried.

Xena was upset. Gabrielle was right – it had been her idea. When she called Gabrielle to herself in the temple to dance; it was not just for Lucifer's sake. She wanted to send a message to everyone in the temple that Gabrielle was HERS. The way Gabrielle had responded to her, looked at her – she felt such desire for her bard. A different kind of desire than she had ever permitted herself to feel. They seldom talked about their intimate life. The few times that they found themselves in the company of others who were talking about their lovers; Gabrielle had always seemed to indicate a propensity for gentleness and Xena was committed that is how she would treat her lover. But, in that moment, in that temple, she wanted everyone else to disappear. She wanted to put the bard against the wall and take her, slowly, but not as gently as she always did. Now, her heart was beginning to quicken at the thought.

Gabrielle stood in front of her now. "Xena." No answer. "Xena!"

"Did you like it?" Xena asked in a harsh monotone.

"What?" Gabrielle's voice was louder than normal.

"You know…. Virgil."

Gabrielle was both furious and pleased by Xena's obvious struggle with her display with Virgil. She felt her tongue press shard against her cheek in an attempt to quell the angry reaction that was rising within her. She found herself rubbing at her eyebrow in nervous irritation. "Did I _LIKE_ it?"

"Well?"

"I liked that HE _wanted_ me, yes."

"What does that mean?" the warrior felt suddenly very threatened and very hurt.

"It means what I said," Gabrielle turned to get herself ready to retire.

Xena's lips were pressed together so tightly over her bottom teeth that she thought she might draw blood. "Are you saying that I don't want you?"

Gabrielle kept her back to Xena while she removed her top and simply shrugged.

Xena felt her stomach knot. What was Gabrielle talking about? "I can't believe you would say that," the warrior said flatly.

"Really?" Gabrielle turned to face her and Xena struggled not to look her over. Gabrielle was not a young girl anymore. That had been endearing and sweet; and she still had those qualities, but she was a woman. That was something Xena began to realize she may have taken a bit for granted. She had seen violence, war, death, new life, given life, taken it – she had traveled and loved and lived and died. She was not an innocent wallflower that Xena had to constantly protect anymore. Xena's eyes struggled to stay on the bard's face as all of these thoughts raced through her mind. In her head she just kept repeating, "It's Gabrielle. It's Gabrielle" – over and over.

Gabrielle had been talking but she noticed Xena was not paying attention. "You are unbelievable sometimes," the bard said exasperated by the situation.

"How can you say that you don't think I want you?"

"I know you want me – want to be with me, but Xena…"

Xena could not help but take in the sight before her. Gabrielle was gorgeous. Her body was equally beautiful to her heart. The most amazing thing Xena had ever seen. As she continued speaking, Xena felt like she was in a tunnel.

"You don't _desire_ me, though."

Xena's heart jumped into her throat. WHAT? She looked at Gabrielle dumbfounded.

"You don't."

Xena's eyes were wide and her mouth gaped open in shock.

"See?" the bard said. "Am I not rough enough?" Gabrielle's voice was elevated, more in frustration than in pain. "Not strong enough? Not beautiful enough? – What is it, Xena? Because I am not a man? – Can't be that – I'm not the first – we certainly have established that." Xena just stared at her. "Maybe I am just not enough of a woman. You still see this young, innocent girl that is so breakable, maybe that's what it is." Gabrielle went to reach for her night shirt when Xena grabbed her hand and spun her around, pulling the bard into her chest. She said nothing. They locked eyes. No words. Xena kissed her – not slowly, not softly – deliberately and passionately. It was not aggressive but it was more forceful than the warrior had ever been in all their years together. After a few minutes Gabrielle attempted to caress the warrior's face, but Xena tightened her grip on the bard's hands. Gabrielle was breathless, completely.

Gabrielle was waiting for Xena to sweep her up and take her to the bed, but Xena stood there, placing the bard's hands behind her back and looking deeply into her eyes. Still she said nothing – no 'I love you'… She ran her other hand down the curves of the bard's body, tracing her side slowly and sensually. Gabrielle closed her eyes. "Xena…."

Xena put her hand on Gabrielle's lips to quiet her. She slowly and somewhat forcefully pinned her against the wall. Gabrielle thought this had to be some kind of dream. Xena kissed her neck, her shoulder, biting her now and again and then taking Gabrielle's face in her hands she looked into the eyes of this women she loved so deeply and swallowed hard. Gabrielle felt Xena drop slowly to her knees. For a moment she thought she might die right there. This was not the Xena she knew. She felt safe, but she felt hot, as if her entire body was on fire. She thought she would fall as Xena continued this exploration of her body, but Xena kept her steady. Neither spoke. Gabrielle couldn't even make a sound, her heart, her stomach, she thought maybe her whole body had lodged in her throat. When she finally felt her body give over, she was sure that she would fall, but the warrior had her full weight against the bard. The warrior slowly and deliberately kissed her way up every inch of her lover, finding her eyes slowly opening and searching her. There was a tear in Gabrielle's eye. It wasn't a tear of pain, or fear or shame. She felt like an equal. An equal in Xena's life.

"Questions?" the warrior asked. Gabrielle smiled and now she caressed the cheek of the warrior gently. She knew this was not meant to be an everyday occasion for them and she understood. This was a moment. Just a moment in an eternity together. An eternity that would be filled with far more gentleness between them than it ever could be filled by lust. Still, the bard had to admit to herself that she felt a sense of great relief – that Xena did see her. Did desire her… every bit as much as she loved her.

Xena toyed with Gabrielle's short blonde hair, still holding her up, "I didn't like it."

"What?" Gabrielle thought she might mean what had just transpired between them. "You touching him," Xena continued, "I didn't like it."

Gabrielle smiled. "Xena…"

Xena looked at her. "Gabrielle," she paused and looked so deeply into the bard's green eyes that Gabrielle thought she might see her soul, "no more seductions."

Gabrielle touched the warrior's face again and laid her head on her strong shoulder, feeling Xena's arms tighten around her. It was done. This had been the moment. There would be no more interludes with Ares or Romans. They would find another way. Gabrielle drank the reality in. "Thank you," she whispered as she felt Xena's tear wash over her cheek, "thank you…"


	26. Chapter 26 - Family Ties

Chapter 26 – Family Ties

_This takes place immediately following "Who's Gurkhan?" as the ship approaches Greece and the group prepares to return Sarah home to Lila._

There was a sense of relief for nearly everyone as the ship began its last leg of the journey home to Greece. It was clear that Sarah was still feeling unsettled. She had only been a child when she had been ripped from her parents in Potedaia. As far as she had ever known the sister that her mother had always adored was dead. Lila had spoken often of Gabrielle. Gabrielle was her hero. She had been devastated at the news that her sister had been killed. Her grandparents never wanted to discuss the matter. It was as if Gabrielle had always existed in Potedaia and somehow just faded away. It was her father who had always told her the adventurous tales of her aunt, the bard and her best friend, the warrior princess. When Gabrielle revealed that she and Xena were alive and were there to rescue the young woman, she thought for a moment that her death had already come. There was no possible way that this could be happening.

Gabrielle was not exactly as Sarah had imagined as a child. The truth was, as much as her family had seen the changes in the bard, they never truly wanted to admit them. Gabrielle was young, only several years older than her niece. That alone seemed impossible after all of the years that had passed. She was also much stronger and a much more commanding and confident presence than Sarah had imagined. Sarah sat on a large crate and watched her aunt and the warrior who were sitting across the way. She had been watching hem for days. She watched them sparring playfully – Gabrielle with her sai and Xena with her sword. She couldn't stop watching them. It also helped keep her mind off home. Potedaia was a long way away from North Africa and Gurkhan's harem; in more ways than one. Sarah had learned how to survive, how to shut off all emotion, obey every whim of her master and preserve her life and sanity. Now, she was headed for a world that had become completely foreign to her. She was a woman now and in many ways only a shadow of the person her mother remembered. The thoughts made her tremble.

Eve had been sitting with her mother and Gabrielle and had noticed that Sarah was preoccupied with them. So much so, she did not even look away when Eve caught her stare. She understood so much of what the young woman must be feeling, but she wasn't certain what the woman was thinking.

Gabrielle had some concern as well. Sarah had gotten very quiet the closer that the ship came to its final destination and the reality of her reunion with Lila set in. "I hope she is all right," Gabrielle confessed.

"Eve," Xena started, "Maybe you should go and talk to her."

Eve looked a bit surprised at her mother's suggestion. Xena continued, "I am sure she has a lot of questions," the warrior offered. "And, she might not want to ask Gabrielle. We're ghosts to her- still."

Gabrielle looked at Xena and sighed. "I'm not sure what she is thinking. I can't imagine… if I were her…"

"Exactly," Xena said.

Lila had nearly lost her ability to stand at the sight of her sister a few weeks before. If it hadn't been for the strength of Gabrielle's embrace she most certainly would have hit the ground from the shock. But, for Lila; she had lived through Gabrielle's adventures for years. Little about her sister's life could truly surprise her. In fact, learning the nature of her relationship with Xena all those years ago had probably been more surprising than the idea that Gabrielle had slept for twenty-five years. Sarah was a different story. Gabrielle wasn't even certain what her niece knew; about her life with Xena, about Eve, about their trouble with the Gods, or even about the issues within the family. Perhaps a peer would be best.

Eve shrugged in agreement. "I'll try," she said.

The warrior and the bard watched her as she made her way across the boat deck. "They should have grown up together," Gabrielle said watching intently as Eve perched herself on a smaller crate next to Sarah.

Xena was watching just as curiously. The same thought had crossed her mind more than once. Had their plan to trick the Gods worked as they intended; the girls might have had the opportunity to be great friends, and maybe the tragedies that befell both would not have happened. She was past her anger, but there remained a certain sense of regret that she had not even shared with Gabrielle. She still found herself wondering how in their effort to protect their daughter, they had unwittingly caused her so much pain for so many years. They had not been there to protect Cyrene or Sarah, or Gabrielle's parents for that matter. Watching these two beautiful grown women across form them; Xena felt just a shade of regret. She tried to picture them as children – innocently laughing, hopeful about their futures, the world a loving and safe place.

Gabrielle looked at the warrior and noticed the far away expression in her eyes. She had a solemn smile as she took Xena's hand. "Hard to believe, isn't it?" she mused as she turned her attention back to the two young women they had missed so much with. "Even after everything," she paused, "I still can't believe it."

Xena felt her eyes beginning to get moist. She was so grateful to have Eve now, but it was true, they had missed so much. It seemed that every reunion they had gave them some painful reminder that their absence had made those they loved the most even more vulnerable.

Eve caught a glimpse of her parents and suspected what both were thinking.

"What's it like?" Sarah asked.

"What?" Eve asked never removing her stare from her parents who were now engaged in a somewhat tender moment; a moment she had seen many times with them; Gabrielle caressing the warrior's face and her mother looking at the bard with affection and amazement.

Sarah motioned to the women.

Eve smiled. She watched them for another moment feeling so thankful that they were here; that they were hers.

"It's like being a child," she said. "Sometimes it makes me crazy," she giggled a bit at the admission. "I've fought armies, slept with a God, but with them…."

Sarah was looking at her curiously.

"With them… it's like I am five years old," she laughed.

"You mean they treat you like a child?"

"No," Eve thought about that for quite a long time and then turned her attention to her new friend, "No. They don't treat me like a child, but they love me that way. I feel that way. Like I am five."

Sarah looked over at the pair and nodded. "I don't understand."

"You mean how they are here, now.." Eve paused, "It's a long story….. It doesn't really matter. I', just glad they are."

"What did you do? I mean, what did you say to your mother?"

Eve could sense the fear in Sarah now about her reunion with Lila. She smiled, "I didn't have to say anything…. I was awful – mean. Hurtful. Angry. Angry at her. Angry at them…."

Sarah looked at Eve in surprise. "I still haven't told them that. They left me. They saved so many people… at first, well…. I couldn't understand why they didn't save me. But… the truth is they did."

Sarah looked at her feet, "My mother is not a warrior. She's a farmer's wife. I don't think she will understand."

Eve looked squarely at Gabrielle who caught her glance and smiled. "Sarah," she began slowly and quietly, "She doesn't have to understand….. You are her daughter."

"You don't know my family," Sarah responded.

Eve took the woman's hand, "Sure I do."

Sarah was puzzled. "You are my family," Eve smiled.

Sarah was even more confused.

"Look, Sarah," Eve said delicately, "When we reached your mother's house…. I was so happy. We had been to my grandmother's… and she was gone. I saw my mother and Gabrielle…their pain," she took a moment and contemplated how she wanted to explain to Sarah that time had changed everything except the love between them all. "Gabrielle was so happy when she saw your mother. There was this light between them. When your mother told Gabrielle…"she stilled herself and considered her words, "About what had happened to you, to your father… to Gabrielle's parents….I have never seen such anger – such pain. She was so excited to learn she had a niece and in an instant…."

Sarah looked at Eve imploring her to go on, "She was determined to find you… to save you…they both were… just as they had been me."

"You mean both Gabrielle and Xena?"

Eve nodded, "Of course. You are their family."

"I don't understand, they don't even know me."

Eve's gaze became very narrow and intense, "Sarah…." She stopped for a moment, "I sat with your mother that night. Gabrielle was enraged. Mother went after her…..I talked with your mother for hours; Virgil and I. We just sat and she talked… about you… about Gabrielle… about how much she had missed you both… I told her that Gabrielle couldn't wait to see her and that I knew they would find you…" Sarah sat frozen as she listened to Eve, "And then, your mother took my hand and said she was happy to see me… to see her niece finally after all of these years. She said she wished we had played together. That Gabrielle's parents could have seen _me_, seen Gabrielle with me…..we are family, Sarah. She will just be happy to have you home."

"But I am not that child anymore," Sarah anxiously admitted, "I can never be again."

Eve smiled. "So, you don't feel a bit like a child with_ them_?" she motioned to her parents.

Sarah snickered. "They aren't much older than us," she laughed with an acknowledgement that as strange as the truth was, yes, she felt very much like a child around them.

"I know," Eve laughed, "It's weird. I mean.. it's REALLY weird," they both laughed. "But somehow your parents, well…. They are always your parents…to them I am still the baby they left behind… "

Sarah looked at Gabrielle and Xena. Gabrielle seemed to be nodding off with her head on Xena's shoulder while Xena sat untangling the knot in a rope. "I don't…"

"Well, you have a mom… and you will feel the same way, believe me… and the strangest part is you will be happy to feel that way…. My mother, she is everything I could have imagined.. "

"And my aunt?"

Eve smiled widely. "I am just glad they are mine…"

Sarah understood. She was still feeling nervous, but sitting with Eve she began to feel like part of something bigger. Time seemed to evaporate. "Do you think it's weird for them?"

Eve laughed. "MMM… It doesn't get any weirder… " She saw Xena fidgeting with the knot in her hand and becoming more frustrated as Gabrielle smacked her hand to stop moving and disturbing her rest, "Parents…" she rolled her eyes like a teenager embarrassed by her parent's affections.

The two started giggling like small children. Their reality was beyond absurd and in that moment they felt as though, maybe they were back in time somewhere. The laughter continued as Xena nudged Gabrielle to take note. Sarah and Eve seemed to be completely lost in whatever moment was occurring between them – Eve had started laughing so hard, over nothing and over everything that she slipped off the crate and landed on the deck with a bang. Tears of laughter were streaming from Sarah as she unsuccessfully tried to help Eve to her feet.

Gabrielle struggled to focus her eyes and as the sight before her became clear she felt a warm wave of hope wash over her. Xena looked back down at her knot and rolled her eyes, "Kids…." She muttered.


	27. Chapter 27 - Beyond the Greater Good

Chapter 27 – Beyond the Greater Good

_This takes place immediately following "Legacy" and preceding "the Abyss". Gabrielle is wrestling with the unintentional death she caused in the desert and Xena is seeking a way to comfort and reassure her._

"You gonna' eat that?" the warrior asked watching as Gabrielle fiddled with her food in front of the fire.

"Not really hungry," the bard answered.

Xena gathered her thoughts, toying with her own food and seeking an opening to break the tension in the air. Gabrielle was still punishing herself over Kora's death and Xena was not certain how to reach her. The warrior understood that in battle, in crisis, it is impossible to never make a mistake. So many who are lost in war were innocent. Most were simply pawns in someone else's game – in a quest for power. She had been on both sides of the equation. On the battle field, no matter how one tried to remain focused, there was always chaos. Xena knew that as well as anyone.

She also knew that Gabrielle was no killer. For years the bard had remained committed to not taking a life. It was inevitable in their life that at some point she would have to cross that line, but Gabrielle had never been able to shake the reality of killing. And now, with an innocent gone at her hands; a boy who had so admired her; she could not seem to give herself peace. Xena was worried. And, she was worried for Gabrielle's safety. Her guilt would certainly make her apprehensive in battle. Somehow Xena needed to help her reach the other side of this pain.

"So…" Xena began an attempt at a conversation, "We'll leave tomorrow and head to meet Virgil. It will be good to see him."

"It will," Gabrielle seemed to lighten a bit at the knowledge that they would see their friend in the next few days. She missed Virgil and Eve, particularly now. It was impossible for her to hide her feelings from Xena and without any diversions she felt a bit smothered emotionally. She would have loved to trade tales about Joxer or have Eve beg to hear some more stories about her mother. Now, it was just the two of them and while she knew that Xena meant well, she didn't want to talk about things.

Xena was starting to understand that more. She watched the bard as she began cleaning up from dinner and decided that perhaps a diversion from all that had recently occurred was in order.

"I was thinking," Xena said with a leading tone in her voice.

Gabrielle could not help but raise an eyebrow. When Xena got "thinking" she could never be entirely sure where that would lead them. At times the warrior could be very mischievous, like a child. Her love of adventure could entail almost anything at any moment.

"What are you _thinking_?" Gabrielle flirted back.

"Well," the warrior wiggled her mouth and looked innocently into the air, "It's a nice night…don't you think?"

"Uh-huh," The bard smiled. She could see where this was heading, "and…"

"I think it's a good night for a swim."

"You do, huh?" Gabrielle smiled.

"Mmmm."

"Xena, it's not very warm out."

"Eh… that's why we come back to the fire…"

"Uh-huh, what are you up to?"

"Me?" Xena pretended to be surprised by this line of questioning, "I just thought it might be fun."

"Are you going to throw fish at me?"

Xena laughed now. This is exactly what was called for. "No…" she promised in an unconvincing voice.

"Uh HUH…are you going to throw me under the falls?"

"Gabrielle," the warrior attempted her best serious face, "I just thought that we could have a little fun together."

"Mmmm," Gabrielle's forehead wrinkled with skepticism.

"You are trying to improve my mood…."

"Is it working?"

Gabrielle smiled and shook her head. Yes, it was working. And even for a few minutes she was glad for some relief. "Okay, Xena… a swim it is," she grinned.

Xena was quite pleased with herself as they headed to the springs. The water was cold – bracing, actually. Xena laughed as Gabrielle let out a shrill screech. Instantly she had disappeared under the water. Gabrielle yelled at the warrior knowing she couldn't hear, "NO FISH, XENA!"

Before she could finish her protest the warrior had come up for air directly in front of her, startling her so that she seemed to jump like a fish out of water herself.

Xena laughed and shook her head, "Every time," she gloated.

Gabrielle looked at the warrior and kissed her on the forehead. "We should be getting some rest."

"Gabrielle," Xena said lovingly, "I've told you before…SOME things are more important…. Than rest, than travel… "

Gabrielle looked at her. She knew what Xena was saying and she appreciated all that her companion was trying to do, but she couldn't help but feel the sadness and doubt that Kora's death had left her with.

"Xena," she said, "you can't just make this go away."

Xena looked at her now, still with a playfulness in her eye but in the midst of her silliness Gabrielle could see the deep understanding and concern that resided beneath.

"I know," the warrior smiled. "But, Gabrielle…. Right now," she moved seductively closer to the bard, "I just want to…"

Gabrielle looked at her and waited for the next romantic move when suddenly she found herself pulled under the water in a quick burst of energy. When she resurfaced Xena attempted her best look of innocence and Gabrielle just shook her head again…"Xena….."


	28. Chapter 28 - Hope in Eternity

**Chapter 28 – Hope in Eternity**

_This takes place sometime after "The Abyss" and Before "The Rheingold" in Season Six – Gabrielle and Xena have headed North toward Gaul._

"Xena…. I am tired." It was unusual for Gabrielle to complain about fatigue these days and it concerned Xena a bit. The bard had recovered well from her last injury and infection but Xena suspected that she was still not at full capacity.

"Okay, do you think that you can make it a little bit farther if we stop for a short rest?

Gabrielle nodded but Xena could see that she was struggling. Her face became pensive. She started to look at their surroundings in hope that maybe there was water close by. In that case they would simply make camp and would head to the nearest town in the morning. It was getting darker and it was getting colder the father north they traveled. If Gabrielle wasn't feeling well it made sense to stop before the night brought on a greater chill.

"Listen," the warrior said with some concern, "Why don't you sit down over here for a bit."

"Why? Where are you going?"

"I'm just going to go ahead a bit and off the trail to see if I can find someplace for us to make camp."

"Xena, I thought you wanted to try and get to the next town… we needs supplies.. I can.."

"We'll be fine. We have plenty for tonight."

"Xena…"

"Gabrielle, don't argue with me."

Gabrielle put her face in her hands. She frankly did not have the energy to argue. She wasn't totally sure what was wrong with her. She just felt so tired and so weak. All she wanted to do was lie down. She had felt this way for several days, but she was cautious about telling Xena. Ever since their time in the cave she had felt "off". She never wanted Xena to think of her as "needy", but right now that is exactly how she was feeling.

"Xena, just don't be too long, okay?"

Now Xena's concern was growing. This was not like Gabrielle at all. Xena touched Gabrielle's head. "I'll be right back," she assured the bard.

Xena wandered off the path after only a short distance. She was feeling a growing sense of urgency. Something was not right with Gabrielle. She did not want to leave her alone for long. All kinds of thoughts were spinning in her mind, poison, infection, or worse…

After a short time she heard the faint sound of water moving over rocks. There was a small stream and a small clearing – just barely enough space for a fire and for sleep, but it was the best she could find. "It'll do,"

The warrior wasted no time getting back to her bard who she found in almost the exact position as when she had left.

"Gabrielle," she touched the bard's head. "You're hot."

"I know," Gabrielle sighed. "Did you find someplace?"

"Yes… it's not far. You ride"

"I can walk," Gabrielle answered.

Xena looked at the bard and her eyes became small. "No…Maybe you _can_, but you're _not_. – Up you go.."

Xena led them off the path, periodically looking up at Gabrielle who had become fairly pale and was unusually quiet. She was relieved when they reached the small area. Gabrielle went to start getting things unpacked when Xena took the bedroll from her hands and started spreading it out on the ground, a task that was nearly always Gabrielle's.

"What are you doing?" Gabrielle asked. Xena said nothing, she took Gabrielle's hand and led her to the bed roll, grabbed a heavy fur and wrapped her in it. "Xena…"

Xena smiled and caressed her partner's face. "Please, Gabrielle…. Please… just lie down. Rest. Please….. You can fight… I can set up camp… Okay?"

Gabrielle tried to force a smile and obeyed Xena, pulling the fur close to her and curling up into a warm ball. Xena set about making the fire and getting a fish and some water as well for tea. She sat tending the fire, roasting the fish and boiling the water – watching Gabrielle sleep silently. She thought about this journey they had been on. This was the first time in so long that they had no specific destination. They were just traveling. In some ways, watching Gabrielle sleep, she felt like Gabrielle's scrolls were playing out in front of her. She had been thinking for some time that the time to slow down was around the corner. It wasn't just that she wasn't getting any younger; it was all that they had already missed, all they had lost. The road was losing its allure for the warrior, though she was not ready to leave yet – the time was approaching. They could fight somewhere, make a stand – but maybe it could be in one place. Just the two of them.

Gabrielle's delusion when she had been so ill that Xena was actually Hope affected the warrior a great deal. Seldom did they speak about Hope. Other than comments that Gabrielle made about her doubts that she could be a good mother; she never said anything to Xena about children. But, just as Gabrielle understood Xena, Xena knew Gabrielle. Gabrielle loved Eve. She truly loved her as her own, but a part of her mourned for the reality that children were likely not in her future. Hope had been her chance. That is why she chose the name. She knew even then that she would follow Xena. Xena never said anything to the bard – never brought it up. When Gabrielle professed her love to the imaginary Hope, Xena knew the pain that resided in Gabrielle and she felt a piece of her heart break.

Gabrielle had told Xena that when her time came she wanted to lie with Xena and her family. It meant everything to the warrior and it also made her feel terrible. Gabrielle was so forthright with Xena about her feelings, she was gentle and loving in the most difficult situations. She told Xena, showed Xena everyday how much she loved the warrior. Xena watched Gabrielle sleeping now and in her heart she was telling her everything she felt. She suspected that the last few weeks had run the bard down and that she had no resistance to sickness. The fact that she had gone through so much emotional and physical trauma did not help. Xena felt the need to somehow make things better for Gabrielle.

Gabrielle began to stir and Xena met her awakening with some tea.

"Oh… Xena…" She said still groggy… "Thank you."

Xena nodded and sat down on the blanket next to her. "Are you hungry?" she asked Gabrielle.

Gabrielle shook her head with a firm 'no' and sipped her tea. She could see that Xena was worried and she smiled. "I really am okay, Xena. I just think I need some rest. Just need to catch my breath."

Xena's face crinkled with a degree of suspicion that this was not entirely true.

"Gabrielle…" she tried to think of the best way to approach her concerns, "I am worried about you."

Gabrielle looked at her now and took her hand. "I know you are… I can see it. Honestly, Xena… I would tell you if I was really sick – I just need some rest."

Xena sighed. "I love you. You know that?" She sometimes struggled to say that aloud.

Gabrielle smiled and squinted at the warrior, "Stop worrying…. And yes, I do know…"

"I don't say it enough," Xena said quite plainly almost more for her own benefit than for Gabrielle's.

Gabrielle was a bit thrown by the statement. She had never thought that. At times, over the years, she had wished that Xena would show her more affection… or at least that she didn't feel so strongly about hiding their affection, but over so many seasons together she had come to terms with their relationship. Her insecurities were long left behind now… after their time in Amphipolis with Eve and Virgil; and after returning Sarah to Lila, Gabrielle was convinced that she and Xena could never be parted. She knew that the warrior was as in love with her as she had always been with the warrior. Xena didn't need to say anything. That is why she wanted Xena to understand that when the time came; she wanted to lie with her even in death. This was her life and she knew that few people ever loved the way they did. Nothing else really mattered in the end.

"Xena, you don't have to say anything to me," Gabrielle smiled.

Xena did not look at her but closed her eyes and continued, "No… I do… I'm sorry."

"What? What are you sorry for?"

"Gabrielle," Xena could not stop tears from forming in her eyes, "I'm not good at the… well, at saying what I should."

Gabrielle kept smiling. "Xena….. I love you….I have been in love with you for so long, she paused, "I am in love with YOU… not someone else…I don't want you to be something for me.. I just want you…because it is you that I love."

Xena sighed deeply licked her lips and threw a stick into the fire. "I'm sorry… about Hope."

Gabrielle took a deep breath. "About Hope? Why?"

"I know…" Xena started, "I know how much you want children."

Gabrielle nodded her head in affirmation and sat silently for a long while considering her response. She took a deep breath and exhaled her answer, "Yes. Xena… yes.. I did.. …. I do, but we don't always get what we want. We both know that."

"But, if you weren't with…"

"If I wasn't what? … Xena… If I wasn't with you then I would have children?… That's what you were going to say, isn't it?"

"Well…"

Gabrielle shook her head in frustration, "Listen to me… I don't know what I said in that cave… I said a lot of things… I loved Hope.. I do love Hope.. no matter how she came into the world, she came through _me_. But, I know what we did what was right. Hope was not truly mine….." She sighed and looked to the sky…

"Yes," Xena said… " I know….but now… Eve "

"Eve is not truly mine, either," she said as a tear fell.

Xena suddenly felt ill herself. What could she say? She knew that Eve considered Gabrielle a parent and she knew that Gabrielle loved Eve as a daughter, but as she sat there something became very clear…

"I love Eve like she was my own," Gabrielle began.

There it was. Xena tried to search herself for what to say. She loved Eve _like_ her own… but she wasn't – or at least that is what existed in her mind… she was Gabrielle… Aunt Gabrielle..not mom, not mother, Xena felt the warmth of her own tears.

"She is _your_ daughter, though, Xena."

Xena put her hand on Gabrielle's knee and stared at the water before them, completely unsure of what to say. After a long time Gabrielle spoke, "It's all right, Xena. I wish you would stop worrying about this."

Xena had some time now to think about what it was that was in her own heart. "Gabrielle….Just listen to me, please… let me say what I need to…. You say Hope came through you but she was not yours…Eve came through me…. That does not mean she is not yours…."

"Xena.."

"No… I need to say this to you… now… please…"

Gabrielle squeezed the warrior's hand.

"I don't know why all of this happened. I do know that every thought I ever had about Eve included you – and I know that she loves you…" she could tell Gabrielle wanted to speak, "I want you… I want to tell you….that after all of this…..If I could.. If I could do it again… any of it… I would make sure that you…"

Gabrielle smiled now as Xena struggled to finish her thought, "You listen to me, Xena of Amphipolis… I would not change anything… not one moment… nothing. This is where I belong and sometimes there is some sadness yes, but this is my home.. you are my home. I love you for worrying… but stop."

Xena looked at Gabrielle. "You are so tired…"

Gabrielle laughed, "I am. You are right. I am tired… But that is all it is .. I am tired…" she paused, "Do you remember when we were on that ship with Autolycus?"

"Of course," Xena laughed, "I don't think I could forget that."

"All I wanted was for you to take me and hold me so I could tell you that I loved you. That was my moment. I stood on that beach and for a moment you were nowhere…. And I was so lost… totally lost. I knew.. right then that I could never be without you and be happy."

Xena laughed. She had felt the same way. "And," Gabrielle continued, "It took a few weeks, but you did. You did hold me… and you have not let me go since."

Xena looked into the bard's eyes as she continued with the eloquence that Xena had come to find a refuge, "We had children, lost children and we died… but then there was Eli… we were given a glimpse of heaven, of our future lives – together, we found Eve, we met Virgil… we survived Gods…" she paused and looked deeply into her lover's eyes, "One thing I know is that with us… anything can happen. I will get tired, sometimes I even feel sad… but Hope, my hope… that has always been in our life together…"

Xena looked at Gabrielle and was amazed. She was tired, she could see it in Gabrielle's eyes, but this was just a moment… a moment that they needed. Whenever they needed to slow down life sent them a sign… this was one of those times.

"We have an eternity, Xena….. Eternity is a long time….I am sure there will be children…more than we might like to imagine," she mused.

Xena nodded her head and moved Gabrielle between her legs so that she could hold her. Gabrielle passed the large fur to Xena who wrapped it around them both. "I don't say it enough, Gabrielle."

Gabrielle pulled Xena's arms around her, "You are saying it right now."

The warrior held the bard as tightly as she could, "I am in love with you, Gabrielle of Potedaia."

"I know….."


	29. Chapter 29 - Loving You

**Chapter 29 – Loving You**

_Xena and Gabrielle are apart as Xena leaves with Beowulf for the Norselands… sometime within "The Ring"_

**Gabrielle: **

Gabrielle is writing a letter to Xena about this moment.

_After all of this time…. You still are trying to protect me. I love you for that. I love you. But, when are you going to realize that the worst thing for me has always been being apart from you? I know I am still not a warrior, not really. I can't protect you the way that you protect me; I know. What are you protecting me from, death? Death is not my greatest fear. We've both died and if I died again, if it was beside you, then we would still be together. You know that. I don't fear death. The only thing in this life I fear is losing you, not seeing you, not holding you…even in these moments; times when we are apart for days, for moments, I feel lost. How many times have I told you that? Have I? Xena…._

_Why would you leave? To protect me from what? In this foreign world, this foreign time. This is not our time…you know that as well as I do. This is their time; Eve, Virgil, Sarah…Our time was so long ago … I am not sure where you are heading, what you are doing. I just have to find you. When I do… somehow I have to make you understand, finally… that there can be no more missions, no more journeys that you protect me from. I didn't choose this path – not any more than you did. You are right about that – it was chosen for us and I willingly accepted it. I would never change that… not any of it, not one moment with you._

_How long did we fight this path? Both of us, each in our own way? How many have tried to tear us from it? Please, don't take yourself from me. You always worry about me and forget that I am worrying about you. We are not meant to be apart. Not in anything. I've told you. You are my home. You are my path. I knew that in that Roman prison. I knew that the moment I saw you; somehow. I will find you. …Your love for me is endless… my love for you is my light. Someday, my love… you will understand that… someday._

**Xena: **

Xena has been talking with Beowulf who is going on and on about Gabrielle. She is sitting by the fire talking to Gabrielle in her mind… telling her all of the things that are often so hard for her to say aloud.

_He's in love you. Of course he is. How could he not be? Just being in your presence for a minute… and he has fallen. I can see it in his eyes. He saw your light. That light that keeps me steady, that holds me up. I know you are angry right now. I can hear you in my head. I can't bear to think of losing you. Seeing you hurt again - because of me. So much I have taken you away from in my selfishness. My need to be with you. I feel like my heart is breaking, Gabrielle. I miss you so much. I see the look in his eyes. It reminds me of Joxer… all I want to do is look into your eyes and tell you…I love you. Love you more than I knew anyone could love. I don't think eternity is long enough. It's not. _

_I couldn't let you follow me here. How could I? I think…I think I am more afraid of you seeing this – this part of who I was; before you loved me – before I loved you. I don't know that person anymore…every time I feel that person rising in me…I see your face… your gentleness. I feel you beside me and I want to be who you see. Maybe I am, but I could not be that person without you. He is still talking about you… his eyes are far away. And, I understand… if only he realized…he asked if I missed you. I miss you so much that I find it hard to breathe when he says your name. He says you are beautiful…He has no idea... no idea how beautiful you are. Why can't I ever tell you this? You would say I don't have to… but I should. Maybe I didn't leave you behind to protect you… maybe I did it to protect me. I suppose I did. I miss you, Gabrielle. I miss you. Of course he has fallen in love with you. I fall in love with you every day. I hope you know that. I'm sorry if I let you down… but I love you… Always._


	30. Chapter 30 - Crazy in Love

**Chapter 30 – Crazy in Love**

_These reflections take place within what the Xenaverse calls "The Ring Trilogy" - "The Rheingold" "The Ring"and "Return of the Valkyrie"_

**Gabrielle:**

_What just happened? Did Brunhilda just tell me she loved me? All this time traveling together. I am so dense. I thought Xena was her idol? Xena…. Where are you? This is a nightmare._ _How does she not understand this? Ugh… You know, if you hadn't run away we wouldn't be in this situation…._

_Seriously? I am listening to myself try to explain it to her… I mean…how can anyone understand? I don't understand it… it just is. How did she know? I never told her we were…. I mean… have we become that obvious? She thinks because I love you… I…. OH, Gods, Xena… why did you leave me?_

_I know you're looking for me but I need to stop her before she does something crazy… this is crazy… all of this… how do we end up in these things? Dead? Asleep? Chasing statues and RINGS? Monsters, giants? Honestly, can't we just have a path that leads to chasing some peace and quiet for a change? How about a play? Something…anything…_

_What am I doing? Xena.. where are you? _

**Beowulf:**

_How can it be that someone so pure is in love with Xena? We have to find her. This place, Odin.. she is in danger. We all are. But, Gabrielle…maybe if I can get to her… help Xena…. Maybe…_

**Xena:**

_Gods, Gabrielle. They are both like puppies in love and you can't even see it. What was I thinking leaving you behind? It might be funny if we weren't HERE. Right now I just wish I had never left you at the inn. It was stupid… I should have known you wouldn't stay… what do you always tell me? You never listen… not about staying put anyway. Somehow I have to get us out of here. When we do, I promise you we are going to just spend some time alone. I'm tired. Tired of fighting my past. It's so old, so long ago…It's like another lifetime. It was a lifetime ago. Just hang on…I know she won't hurt you…I see that in her eyes… I'm coming…_

**Gabrielle: **(after Brunhilda tells her that Xena has lost her memory and Brunhilda is transforming)

_Xena… why? Why would you do that? Again? Gods… I'm so tired of all of this. What is even happening? I know you can't forget…Eternity… Xena… you promised… eternity…somehow you have to find me…why did you leave again? Xena…_


	31. Chapter 31 - The Warrior Romantic?

Chapter 31 – The Warrior Romantic?

_This takes place between "Old Ares Had a Farm" and "Dangerous Prey"_

**Author Note**: I asked myself… how would Xena try to romance Gabrielle? Would she? I think she would… and I think she would find it a bit embarrassing…there is so much playful banter between these characters…Just fun to imagine a bit of lightheartedness between the.m This is written as dialogue.. not prose… :) bb

_**Xena and Gabrielle have stopped at an inn for an evening. Xena had promised Gabrielle that they would take a little time after their adventure in the North. The adventure with Ares had been a good diversion, but it was hardly time alone. Xena is trying to make it up to Gabrielle… something she is not always great at….**_

Xena: So, I thought…maybe dinner downstairs and then a walk?

Gabrielle looks at Xena curiously.

Gabrielle: Dinner and a _walk_? Xena, seriously…I think being home on that farm affected you somehow… Did you eat anything strange? Drink some funny water? (she feels Xena's head as if checking for a fever)

Xena: Ha ha. (pause) I told you we would take some time, didn't I?

Gabrielle: Yes, you did. That's true. You did. And we did…

Xena: With Ares…. Not exactly what I planned

Gabrielle: MMMM… well, me either… but it wasn't that bad…

Xena: Please don't tell me you are starting to _like_ him

Gabrielle: (Laughing) I'm not certain I would use THAT word… no… he's equally annoying as a mortal

Xena: Annoying?

Gabrielle: Yeah… annoying… you know… annoying…. That's the word

Xena: Hummm. (she shrugs)

Gabrielle: You know… the way he follows you around, watching you move, making his little "comments"… trying to find a reason to get close to you…

Xena: So, you mean like…. Joxer or Beowulf or Uhhh I don't know.. let me see… Brunhilda. Maybe?

Gabrielle: Funny

Xena shrugs.

Xena: I'm just saying….

Gabrielle: mmmhmmm… I know exactly what you are saying…

Xena: Do you?

Gabrielle: Well, I can't help it if some people just appreciate…

Xena: Oh they appreciated you all right.

Gabrielle: Xena, if I didn't know better I might think you were _jealous_

Xena: Don't be ridiculous.

Gabrielle smiles.

Xena: (heading for the door) I have to go check on the horses – when I get back we'll go downstairs…

Gabrielle: Okay.. I think I am going to go and do some writing…

- An hour later Xena returns and is acting peculiar.

Xena: Ready?

Gabrielle: Sure.. why the rush?

Xena: (Fumbling a bit) It's already getting crowded down there

Gabrielle: Okay. It's early for you, though. What are you up to? Is this a practical joke?

Xena: No. Come on Gabrielle, I just want to eat…

Gabrielle: (Puzzled and not convinced) All right…

- In the Tavern

Gabrielle: What are you going to have?

Xena: (looking frustrated) I don't know.. nothing seems like I really want it.

Gabrielle: Xena, are you kidding me? There's about 10 things here you like to eat and never get.

(Xena turns up her nose and shrugs)

Seriously, are you feeling all right? (Xena shoots her a dirty look)

Please tell me you're not pregnant …..AGAIN…. (Gabrielle smirks)

Xena: Cute… Unless you have acquired some skill I am unaware of – or I recently died and don't remember - I think we're safe

Gabrielle: mmmm. You know… (joking) I did have to leave you alone with Ares…

Xena: Gabrielle! That was for like an hour and it was only 2 days ago

Gabrielle laughs

Xena: Let's see if there is someplace else

Gabrielle: to eat?

Xena: Yeah… why not?

Gabrielle: Xena, Because there isn't….

Xena: No, I heard there's another tavern on the other side of the village – just before the road ends.

Gabrielle shakes her head.

Gabrielle: Whatever you want to do, Xena - is fine with me…I'm just glad I don't have to cook.

Xena: All right then. We'll ride..

Gabrielle: To the edge of town? You are acting so strange.

Xena shrugs off the comment

- On the horse riding

Gabrielle: Xena, where in Tartarus are you going?

Xena: I just want to water the horse

Gabrielle: I think you hit your head harder than I thought the other day when that plank from the widow fell.

Xena: Gabrielle, the horse has gotten a work out the last couple of days – and it's hot..

Gabrielle: Okay, Xena (She giggles wondering what is going on with the warrior and waiting for a practical joke to befall her)

Ahead is a spring and what looks to be a small clearing. Xena stops and dismounts and offers her hand to Gabrielle.

Xena is looking very intensely at Gabrielle

Gabrielle: Xena, what is wrong? (no answer) You are really making me nervous.

Xena takes her by the hand and leads her toward the spring – there's a large fur spread out.. a campfire ready to be started and a large basket

Gabrielle: What is this?

Xena shrugs seeming to be a bit embarrassed.

Gabrielle: Is this what you left to do? (another shrug and a blush) Xena…

Xena: Come on.

Gabrielle: (Clearly delighted and touched – albeit surprised) I can't believe you did this.

Xena: (opening the basket) Gabrielle, I made you a promise. I'd like to think I keep my promises.

Gabrielle: It's perfect…but Xena, I don't need any of this.

Xena: (Frowns) Yes, you do.

Gabrielle: (with a slight giggle) I do, do I?

Xena: Well, maybe you don't, but I do.

Gabrielle is curious

Xena: I mean I need to do it for you.

Gabrielle: Why? Xena, you don't have to….

Xena: mmmm. Yes. I do. I should. I meant what I said when we left Ares.

Gabrielle: What's that?

Xena: I'm lucky.

Gabrielle: Me too.

Xena: (Kissing Gabrielle on the head) I know it's not the pyramids or the

Gabrielle: (Puts her head in Xena's lap) You still surprise me.

Xena: Yeah?

Gabrielle: Yeah.

Xena: Is that a good thing?

Gabrielle: (looking at Xena) It's a very GOOD thing.

Xena: (Smiling) I know why, you know..

Gabrielle: Know why?

Xena: why they all fall in love with you…

Gabrielle: (with a chuckle as she eats some berries) They don't all fall in love with _me_. I'd say you have your fair share of lovestruck…

Xena: (Interrupting) Nah… they do… I even saw Ares look at you…

Gabrielle: Xena, Ares is totally in love with you…

Xena: Yes, but he sees why I am in love with YOU…

Gabrielle sits up and looks at Xena inquisitively

Gabrielle: You did hit your head.

Xena: (with a chuckle) No…. but I did fall.

Gabrielle: What? When did you….

Xena: (Laughing) for you…

Gabrielle smiles..

Gabrielle: You are being awfully _romantic_.

Xena: I am being honest.

Gabrielle: mmhmmm… Just admit it… you have a romantic side…

Xena: Never

Gabrielle: (Laughs) you do so

Xena: I have you….

Gabrielle: Yes, you most certainly do…

Xena gives Gabrielle a gentle kiss

Gabrielle: Xena?

Xena: Hmmmm?

Gabrielle: Thank you..

Xena: Just don't get used to it

Gabrielle smack Xena playfully

Gabrielle: I love you, Xena…

Xena: I know…..

Gabrielle looks at her..

Xena: I love you too….


	32. Chapter 32 - Sisters

Chapter 32 – Sisters

_Takes place after "Dangerous Prey" and before "The God You Know"_

Gabrielle had been surprised when Xena suggested that they take a trip to Potedaia for a few days. The bard had been a bit quiet after the experience in the Amazon village. Xena suspected that she had Ephiny on her mind. Ephiny meant a great deal to them both and having to say goodbye to another Amazon Queen, it made sense that the bard was missing their friend. Both were still trying to adjust to the new truths in this time. Twenty five years had truly changed everything. It was interesting to them both how the reality of being in a time that truly was not their own impacted them. Their relationship was closer than it had ever been; something that seemed hard to believe. Gabrielle had found herself thinking lately how amazed she was at the closeness she and Xena now shared. Xena was more affectionate, more open than she had ever been. That was the one thing about this time that both seemed to truly cherish.

"You're quiet," Xena said as they walked side by side, Potedaia coming into view.

Gabrielle smiled, "I'm sorry."

"No…" Xena began, "Just wondering what you are thinking about."

"I was actually thinking about the day I met you."

"Really?" the warrior's ears perked.

Gabrielle chuckled, "Yes…. And - …. I was thinking how young Lila was….. It doesn't seem that long ago."

Xena's eyes expressed her understanding. "It wasn't that long ago….. At least not for us."

Gabrielle attempted a halfhearted smile. "Sometimes it's just so hard to believe….when I look at her; it's like looking at my mother…."

"I know," the warrior said.

"I'm glad we are going."

Xena smiled at Gabrielle. It was true. In this new reality Lila could almost be Gabrielle's mother. It was a difficult reality to deal with. Somehow they had managed to make sense of their relationship with Eve; but seeing Joxer and Meg, Lila… it still seemed strange to them both. They walked silently for the next hour as the village became larger on the horizon. They had not had time to send word. This was a spontaneous decision. Gabrielle was curious how things had progressed between Lila and Sarah.

"There it is," Xena smiled.

Gabrielle smiled and took a deep breath and then turned to the warrior, "Xena…"

"Mmm?"

"I… "

"What is it?" Xena asked. She knew that Gabrielle was happy to be home but she could tell that the bard was a bit tentative as well. She suspected it was because of all that had happened when they had first returned.

"I just wanted to say thank you."

"Thank you? For what?"

Gabrielle smiled now. "I think you know." Xena smiled back.

Before Gabrielle could reach the door Sarah came across from the barn.

"Oh my…. Gabrielle, Xena! What are you doing here?" before either could answer she stammered on, "Where's Eve? Is she all right?"

Gabrielle smiled. Sarah and Eve had connected on the trip home from North Africa. Eve had been a great help when they had arrived back here. Lila took to both the young women and having Eve there for a few days had made Sarah's homecoming far less frightening for both Lila and Sarah.

"Eve's fine," Gabrielle said taking her niece's hand. "She is traveling with some of Eli's followers for a bit….Probably got tired of all the _mothering_."

"I doubt that," Sarah answered taking her aunt into an embrace and then reaching to Xena for a hug.

"It's good to see you, Sarah," Xena offered.

"Mother will be so happy to see you. She was talking about you just last night."

Gabrielle's face lit up at the news. "Is she here?"

"Oh yes… come on…." Sarah answered leading the pair to the house.

"Mother?" she called.

Lila came from around the corner, "Look what I found!" Sarah beamed.

"Gabrielle….." Lila's arms were outstretched immediately, "I am so happy to see you," she pulled back slightly and looked at the warrior with an affection in her eyes that Xena could not ever recall seeing, "Both of you," she smiled grabbing Xena's hand. Gabrielle looked back at Xena. There was a light in her eyes. Lila had always been accepting of Xena but that did not mean she was warm toward the warrior. A part of her always resented Gabrielle's absence no matter how hard she tried to deny it. Gabrielle was her best friend, her idol and she missed her sister every day that she was gone.

Xena smiled, "You are looking well, Lila," she complimented.

"Well, Sarah helps me," her face was shining as she turned to look at the daughter she had been separated from for so long. Sarah had begun to unpack some berries and place them on the table.

"Come… sit," Lila said.

The three women took a seat at the long wooden table as Sarah came amd offered a bit of wine to all three.

"That's not necessary," Xena said.

"Yes it is," Lila insisted. "It's a celebration…."

Gabrielle smiled as Lila continued, "How long are you in the area?"

Gabrielle looked at Xena for some type of answer. "Well," the warrior said looking directly at the bard, "We don't have any plans… so for a few moons – if you have room," Gabrielle looked into Xena's eyes. She couldn't believe that Xena was ready to stay here for more than just a quick night or so. In that moment she was reminded how much Xena loved her. She knew that, but it was in these moments that the gravity of their relationship sometimes overwhelmed her; so much so she felt she might cry.

Lila watched her sister as she gazed into the warrior's eyes and then caught the wide smile on her daughter's face. For the first time in all these years she saw something that she had never taken the time to notice; or perhaps she admitted in her own mind now,; she had not wanted to see it. Gabrielle loved Xena; she knew that; but Xena….Xena loved Gabrielle just as much.

"We would love for you to stay as long as you can," Lila said with a noticeable tear in her eye.

Gabrielle looked at her younger sister, now over twenty years her elder with curiosity. She knew Lila was happy to have her home but she suspected the tear was about something else. Xena noticed it as well.

"Maybe Sarah and I could head into town and get something special for dinner," the warrior suggested.

Sarah nodded her agreement.

"You don't have to do that," Lila said, "You two must be tired. We can go while you…"

Xena interrupted, "No, no. You two catch up a bit. It'll give me a chance to try and find out what secrets my daughter told your's," she winked to Lila.

"Don't expect much," Sarah joked.

"We'll be back in a bit," Xena said looking at the sisters with a crooked grin.

"Xena…" Gabrielle called.

Xena turned around raising an inquisitive eyebrow, "Yeeesssss?"

"No fish, okay?" Gabrielle scrunched up her face.

Xena sighed in playful disapproval, "I'll see what I can do.."

Gabrielle pursed her lips, closing one eye, "You do that.."

Sarah could not hide her amusement at the pair. She had watched them for two weeks on the trip home. And in the last days of the journey she and Eve often observed the pair and discussed how they wished they could find someone like that, someday. They just fit. Sarah had grown to love them both. There was a balance, an understanding and a happiness that seemed to penetrate everything when they were together. Eve had told Sarah that she was sure most people would not believe it. They thought of Xena and Gabrielle as constantly fighting, suffering, even dying, but there was another side to their life that only those closest to them were afforded the ability to see. It was that side that was truly infectious. Their playfulness, their commitment and compassion for one another.

Eve and Sarah had a great deal in common, in so many ways. They felt more like sisters than friends and had come to share everything in a short period of time. Eve told Sarah that she would often watch her parents when they thought she was asleep and that it made her feel like there was hope. They had been through so much but all of it seemed to disappear when they thought no one else was paying attention. They just seemed to melt into one another's thoughts, one another's being. Sarah hoped that Lila would see that now. She knew that her mother worried about Gabrielle, even now. She told Lila that she knew Gabrielle was happy and she recognized the look of skepticism and surprise in her mother's eye.

Xena and Sarah walked for a bit in silence when Sarah finally spoke, "I'm glad that you came, Xena.

Xena smiled at the young woman, "I am glad to see you, Sarah. I take it you are adjusting?"

Sarah shrugged, "Mother is, well… she is very _attentive_."

Xena laughed out loud. "She missed you."

"Yes, but I have been able to cut my own food for quite some time now."

Xena laughed again. "God, I hope we didn't do that to Eve," she smiled.

"Maybe not _that_," Sarah winked in jest.

"I see," Xena said, "It's hard….seeing your children as women."

"Well," Sarah now acknowledged, "I think Eve would agree – sometimes it's nice to know you can be more like a child."

Xena nodded and smiled. She understood that. She felt it every single time she was with her own mother. She did miss Cyrene. She was also appreciative of the statement from Sarah. She had worried about treating Eve too much like a toddler and not remembering that she was an adult in her own right. The warrior was now beginning to look forward to this visit. She missed Eve and having Sarah around made her feel closer to her daughter in some odd way. And, she knew this would be good for Gabrielle. Xena had promised herself when Eve came back to them and after Joxer's death that this time she would be certain they took time for their families. Too much had been missed already.

Lila looked at Gabrielle across the table silently, almost starting.

"Sarah looks well," Gabrielle said attempting to break her sister's stare, "It looks like you two are getting to know each other quite well."

Lila was studying her sister's face. She was so young. And yet, she seemed more like a mother to Lila in so many ways. Gabrielle had always been so full of life, but now as Lila looked at her sister she saw a woman that was not only strong, but seemed to carry a wisdom that emulated from her. She had heard Gabrielle's words, but she was still thinking about the exchange she had just witnessed between the two women.

"Lila?"

"She really loves you," Lila said as if having an epiphany.

Gabrielle's eyes narrowed a bit. She thought for a moment. She knew Lila and understood that a part Lila had always wanted to believe Gabrielle would come home for good. And, she also knew that Lila had trouble comprehending Gabrielle's feeling for the warrior.

"Yes, she does."

"I never really…." Lila paused, "I never really noticed…" her thoughts trailed off and she looked at the table.

Gabrielle smiled, "Noticed that she loved me?" Gabrielle did find that a bit surprising. They had been together and friends for so many years. Obviously Xena loved her.

"No," Lila said as she raised her head to look at the sister she loved so dearly, "The way she loves you."

Gabrielle licked her lips gathering her thoughts. "Lila, you knew…"

A smile was very slowly and very faintly beginning to manifest on the older woman's face, "I suppose.." she stopped, "I suppose I just never thought about it."

Gabrielle chuckled, "It, Lila?"

Lila tried to suppress a laugh, "Well!" she said with some sisterly frustration, "It's not like you TOLD me."

Gabrielle couldn't help but shake her head, "Yeah… well… what was I supposed to say?"

"I mean, Gabrielle… she was pregnant… I mean why would I think…."

Gabrielle laughed out loud. "MMMMM, with us, Lila… things are never exactly as they seem."

"Really?" Lila said mocking her own surprise and encouraging laughter.

"You really love her…" Lila looked at Gabrielle now with great affection, "I just… I should have seen it…I'm sorry."

Gabrielle smiled, "Lila…..You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I guess, the truth is – I was jealous… I just missed you…"

"I know… and I missed you. I think about you all the time. I told you that years ago," Gabrielle looked around the room – a room she had spent so many hours in with her sister just like this, talking – talking about imaginary loves and far off places. "Do you remember," she said, "Sitting here and pretending we were going to ride off with some Prince to an exotic place and live happily ever after?"

Lila laughed, "Oh…. Yes…"

"I did," Gabrielle said and she took a deep breath of air that filled her like the reality she was about to share, "Mine," she continued, "She swept in and swept me away… I saw pyramids and castles and laughed with gods," She seemed to almost be reminding herself, "I learned to fight, I mourned the death of friends, I became an Amazon - a queen – I delivered a child… and lost her…and watched the most beautiful child enter the world… I sailed on ships… and I danced in villages," she stopped and took Lila's hand, "And all of that…. All of it was amazing…but not one of those things would have mattered if I hadn't had her to hold me – to love me."

Tears fell down Lila's face. She looked at her sister now and understood. "You are lucky," Lila said.

Gabrielle felt as though her whole body were being lifted. "Yes, I am." She smiled broadly. "We both are," she said as she saw Lila's smile grow. "And, "Gabrielle said, "I wish I had told you that before."

"No," Lila said. "I needed to see it. I am just glad you are both here now. It is time for us to be a family."

Gabrielle held her sister's hand tightly, "Yes. It is."


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33 – Gods, Mortals and Friends

_This takes place after "The God You Know" and before "You Are There"_

With no way to get back to Olympus now, Aphrodite was feeling a bit more than lost. Gabrielle suggested that perhaps the group should go and stay at an inn for a couple of nights. Xena was surprised at that idea, to say the least. She had hoped Eve would travel with them but her daughter felt she should return to the group she had been traveling with, at least for a while. Xena was a bit disappointed and really just wanted to be with Gabrielle.

"Gabrielle, you can't be serious… you want to stay in an inn with Ares and Aphrodite?"

"No – it isn't that I _want_ to stay in an inn with them, but, Xena, we owe them both – and Aphrodite is my friend. I know it's crazy but she really has been there for me…. I don't feel right just leaving her."

Xena sighed. She knew that Gabrielle was right. Aphrodite, for whatever reason, had great affection for the bard and whether or not she wanted to admit it, she owed Gabrielle and Eve's lives to the pair.

"Fine," the warrior reluctantly submitted.

Gabrielle smiled and lifted her hand to touch the warrior's face, "Thank you."

"Ummm," Xena grunted flinching slightly at the bard's touch. Gabrielle smiled knowingly.

"So," Xena said, "There's an inn ahead right over the border into Greece. Why don't we stop there?"

Ares seemed to suddenly pick up the pace which caused Gabrielle to snicker. She had expected that he would find the prospect of being anywhere with Xena overnight an exciting one.

He looked at the warrior who had moved ahead of Gabrielle and Aphrodite, "Don't get any ideas," Xena warned, "You've got the love goddess in your quarters."

"You know, Xena, Aphrodite has had a very difficult time. She really could use her friend right now." He said turning to look over his shoulder at his sister and the bard.

"Mmmmhmmm. Well, Ares… you are right about that."

"I am?"

"Yes, I totally agree."

"You do?"

"Of course. Lyceus was my best friend. You are exactly what your sister needs right now," she slapped him firmly between the shoulder blades.

Ares hung his head slightly, "It was worth a try." Xena just shook her head.

Behind them Aphrodite was quiet as she walked beside her friend. "Gabrielle?"

"Yes?"

"I'm going to die."

"What? What 's wrong?"

"Not now," the goddess sad "But someday."

Gabrielle smiled. "Well, Aphrodite, I'll let you in on a secret."

"What's that?" the goddess asked.

"I have died… it's not so bad. The trick is to think about living."

"I don't know how to do that… I just am."

"You'll learn. Start tonight – stop thinking about dying, though… it's depressing," the bard smiled.

"Ahhhh- is that what this is? I am depressed..."

Gabrielle smiled and rubbed the goddess's back as they continued on.

After a few hours of walking Aphrodite was getting very irritable. Everyone was happy to see the inn that Xena had mentioned just a few paces away.

"Is that IT?" Aphrodite pointed appearing to be mortified.

Ares shrugged. "Looks okay to me."

"Yeah…. You're like living in a barn."

"On a farm, sis… I live on a farm."

"Like there's a difference? All those animals…."

Ares shook his head, "Yeah well, I would be careful or you might end up with the chickens yourself."

"All right," Xena interjected much like the parent in charge, "Let's just go and get settled. We're all tired."

They walked into the front counter and Xena sought the inn keeper. "Two rooms," she said. "You serving dinner tonight?" she asked. The innkeeper indicated that they were. Xena turned to the group.

Aphrodite was acting strange- sniffing about, literally.

"So, Ares – you and Aphrodite are down that hallway over there. He said the room is on the left."

"What about you?" Ares asked with the flash of a hopeful smile as Gabrielle shot him a look as if to tell him he was pathetic.

"Gabrielle and I are down the other hallway… Aphrodite… what ARE you doing?"

"I smell something – I thought it was Ares, but…it's close to me."

Ares looked at his sister as if she were completely dense, "It IS you."

"What?"

"You're sweating, sis."

"GRRROOOSSS," the goddess whined as Gabrielle tried to hide her snicker behind her hand.

"It's not funny. Between that troll Caligula and this…. Well, sweat… I may need to bathe for a week."

"I asked the innkeeper – he is having the tub prepared now for both rooms. Just be down here by sunset for dinner… "

"Come on," Ares took Aphrodite's hand to lead her away.

Xena shook her head. "What about you?" she asked the bard.

"What about me?" Gabrielle asked playfully.

"You need a bath too?"

Gabrielle squinted a knowing smile at the warrior. "I think that could fit into my schedule…"

Xena smiled.

Sunset came quickly and Xena was actually relieved when she saw Ares and Aphrodite walk into the tavern, "At least they didn't get into any trouble," she muttered to herself.

The group sat down and Gabrielle ordered food for them all. It certainly was not a banquet on Olympus, but it was better than needing to hunt or fish and sleeping on the ground. Gabrielle was worried about Aphrodite but she was having a hard time concentrating on anything but Xena. They had spent a couple of hours alone and Gabrielle blushed at the thought. She was all too ready to repeat the afternoon now. Xena caught her stare and couldn't help but return the sentiment. She was trying to concentrate on whatever Aphrodite was rambling on about… her clothes, the bath, the food… she was going to die… but her gaze kept shifting back to Gabrielle. Consumed in her thoughts she didn't notice she had taken the bard's hand in her own at the table.

Ares was watching the display and couldn't decide whether he wanted to kill someone or wanted to try and jump in the middle. 'Either way,' he thought in his mind. He could not take his mind off Xena and he shook his head hard trying to get the image out of his head of Gabrielle with the warrior.

Aphrodite took a breath from her tirade and rolled her eyes at Xena and Gabrielle.

"I'm sorry," Gabrielle said with as much sincerity as she could muster.

"Don't be," Aphrodite pouted, "It's what I do."

"What?" Gabrielle was confused.

"Love. It's what I do."

"Aphrodite you're not a goddess anymore," Gabrielle said gently.

"She isn't immortal, no," Ares said, "But it takes a while for all the power to fade."

Xena, realizing what she was doing, removed her hand from the bard's. "So, you mean… this.. this way we are acting is all YOU?" Gabrielle looked a bit hurt.

"No, silly. I didn't make you fall in love with her any more than I made HIM fall in love with you…"

"I don't understand," Gabrielle questioned.

"The longer you're with me.. the more you can't hide it… not like you could anyway."

"Hey!" Xena said as she caught Ares rolling his eyes. "What is THAT?" she said to him.

"Xena," Gabrielle gently grabbed the warrior's arm to calm her.

"Well?" she continued looking at Ares.

Ares shrugged, "Not like I LIKE it."

Aphrodite was playing with the food on her plate, sulking and shaking her head at the hopeless scene that was now unfolding before her.

"What do you mean I can't hide it?" the warrior demanded again. "What are you saying, Aphrodite? Everybody knows?"

Aphrodite shrugged her shoulders –and bit her lip trying to avoid an answer and Ares just rolled his eyes again.

"Xena," Gabrielle prodded.

"No.. I want to know…"

Gabrielle was beginning to get irritated, "Actually so do I.."

"See," the warrior said, "So…"

Gabrielle interrupted her, "No… What is it Xena? It's so terrible if people figure out that maybe you FEEL something for me?"

"I didn't say that."

Gabrielle was taken back… "So, what are you saying?

"I – uhhhh .."

"You are all giving me a headache," Aphrodite said as she stepped to her feet. "Listen, I may not be the goddess of love anymore.. but I learned a FEW things all this time so listen up…"

Ares looked at the pair and nodded his agreement.

"Uh-puhleasse," Aphrodite said smacking the back of her brother's head, "You too…" she continued, "You," She looked at Xena, "Just give it up already. People are going to come after you – come after her… whatever…they will anyway… so just love her…why do you care if anyone or everyone knows - geez!" Gabrielle looked at the table trying to hide her smile, "And YOU" she looked at her brother, "You love her….and she can't love you…. So even if you got her… she would still love the little one over there… just face it – you'll be happier," she turned to leave. "This sucks…this mortal thing…. But seriously, I hope I am never as stupid as the two of you…Goodnight, little one," and off she went.

"I'm going to bed," Gabrielle said readying herself to leave.

"Gabrielle, wait," Xena said reaching for her hand.

"Xena…" she paused, "She's right. She may be flaky, she may be annoying… but she's not wrong…. You know where to find me."

Xena sighed as Gabrielle walked away. Ares, who had been staring at the table top and his mug of mead, attempting not to pay attention, looked up and saw Xena scrunching up her face as if trying to figure out some puzzle. He took a deep breath, sipped his mead, and licked his lips. He looked directly at the warrior.

"Don't say a word," she pointed at him cautioning.

"Xena," he said setting his mug firmly on the table with a clank. "At least I don't hide it. I might be an idiot… but I don't care who knows…" he thought about his statement, "pathetic… I am pathetic and maybe a little drink.. I mean drunk" He stumbled to his feet, "I love you," he said in somewhat of a stupor as he tripped over the chair and followed his sister.

Xena sat there for a long time. "I knew this was a BAD idea," she said quietly to herself. She gathered her thoughts and headed for the room with a fair degree of dread. "How in Tartarus did this happen?" She asked as she went to open the door. Gabrielle was in bed writing on a scroll.

Xena took a deep breath. "Gabrielle," Gabrielle concentrated on her scroll. "Okay, so you're mad. I probably deserve that." Nothing.

"Gabrielle, you know it's not that I care…"

Gabrielle peered up from her parchment, "Really? What is it, Xena? And don't say it's about my safety…"

"Why do you care if people know?" Xena asked with some energy.

"I don't," Gabrielle said, "That's the point."

"So you want to tell people."

Gabrielle shook her head. "No. I never said that."

"What then?"

"Xena," Gabrielle was exhausted and exasperated by the entire evening, "Let's just go to bed, okay?"

"No… it's not okay."

"I don't _want_ to _tell_ anybody anything… BUT I wouldn't deny it either. I didn't… when we were in the Norselands… when Brunhilda confronted me… I didn't _hide_ my feelings for you and I certainly wouldn't be angry that someone noticed."

Xena's eyes lifted in their sockets as she realized how she had acted. She made her way to sit by Gabrielle, "Gabrielle, you don't think I am embarrassed, do you?"

"Actually, I do."

Xena shook her head, "NO… no.. I just.. I don't talk about my feelings, you know that… I just …."

"Xena, you don't have to… but you got so angry when Aphrodite said that maybe people could tell you love me…why is that such a bad thing to you?"

"It's not," Xena laid down next to the bard. "It's not. Ares is right."

"What? About what?

"I might be more pathetic than he is."

"Xena, that's impossible."

Xena couldn't help but laugh. "I don't care what anyone thinks, Gabrielle. I really don't.. I just like things like they are…"

"I know."

"They make me crazy," the warrior said.

"Well, me too… but…"

"They love us – in some weird way," the warrior surmised.

"Yeah. Weird."

"Gabrielle?"

"Yes, Xena?"

"I'm sorry."

Gabrielle rested her head on the warrior's chest. "It's okay. I know how you feel and that's all that really matters."

"You do?"

"Yes."

"I hope so," the warrior said. "Just so you know….I wouldn't deny it… I mean if someone asked me….."

Gabrielle had fallen asleep. The warrior smiled and kissed her on the head knowing that Aphrodite was right and so was Ares. Even though she hated to admit it – they were two of the best friends the pair had ever known. Agendas and seductions, wars and battles, lies and manipulations aside, Ares and Aphrodite had risked and sacrificed for the pair more than once and in the end, she had to admit – neither gained a thing. Gabrielle had given Xena everything and lying here she started thinking about the Gods that saved her bard; how much Ares really did love her…to give her back the person she loved even though it would keep her from him… and Aphrodite who risked Athena's wrath to protect Gabrielle because she loved her… how odd… the Gods she thought she hated - she owed them so much. There was only one last thing to do…. "Thank you," she said as she closed her eyes and pictured the pair of gods who had tormented her and reminded her of the most important thing in her life:

"I love you, Gabrielle," she whispered to the sleeping bard.


	34. Chapter 34 - Letting Go

Chapter 34 - Letting Go

_This takes place after "You are There" and before "Path of Vengeance"_

Xena had been feeling a little restless. The trip back from the Norselands placed them back in Roman territory. It wasn't that she feared the Romans; but all things Rome still rattled her. She was always relieved when they were back in Greece or anywhere other than Rome. It conjured images for her of Livia, of that Roman prison – of Gabrielle on that cross, of Octavius, Joxer….Caesar. She had made Gabrielle a promise that she would let go of Caesar. The memories of him and all that he came to represent in her life had been debilitating at times. It clouded her judgment.

Gabrielle knew that despite all of Xena's assurances having to be back in Rome with Caligula had affected the warrior. She suspected that Xena was relieved to have the opportunity to travel north again. It had been an interesting journey, albeit a long one. It was strange, the bard thought, that the north had become a place of happy memories for them now. Xena's past offenses were so far off and they had made good friends there. Xena and Grunhilda seemed to have some understanding between them that solidified an abiding friendship and Beowulf had become a trusted companion to the pair. Being there somehow helped take the pair's minds off the past more. It pulled them firmly into their present and Gabrielle was grateful for that.

In fact, the bard had suggested that perhaps they should stay longer, but Xena wanted to head toward home. Eve was traveling south again and Gabrielle knew that as much as Xena did not want to admit it; she was trying to trail their daughter, who had become as much of a wanderer as her parents. Gabrielle understood. She worried about Eve too. She also understood that Eve needed her independence from the pair. This was her time and Gabrielle, for some reason, felt completely assured that they would all meet in the middle at some point. Xena, however, struggled with the separation. After so many years with the warrior there were no words needed.

They had finally reached a small village and were both looking forward to some rest. Gabrielle still did not love traveling by sea. Xena was a master at helping her to overcome her seasickness, but she never could get over it completely. After multiple ships and several moons following of sleeping on the hard ground, Gabrielle was ready for a break. "Xena," how about over there?"

"Looks as good as any place," the warrior said. "I'm ready for a rest," she laughed.

"Yeah. I think I'm STILL a little green," Gabrielle joked.

Once they were at the inn Xena offered to get some dinner.

"Honestly, Xena, I am not hungry."

"Are you feeling all right?" Xena asked. She always liked to joke about Gabrielle's appetite but in the last week the bard had eaten very little.

"Yes. I swear it takes forever for my stomach to feel normal after sailing." Xena smiled with understanding.

"Xena, go and get something if you want to. I will be happy to just lie down."

Xena decided she would go to the market in the center of the village and get a few things, perhaps some bread and cheese. If Gabrielle felt better then she would be able to eat later. She wandered about for a little while, picking up some basic sundries and necessities. On her way back she passed a vendor with selling cut flowers. For years Gabrielle teased her that she had never known a woman other than Xena who didn't love flowers. She chuckled to herself. It wasn't that she didn't like them. She remembered her mother having them around all the time when she was small. The warrior finally found herself lost in a memory of her mother setting down a jug full of wild flowers. It was so vivid. The smell of the flowers seemed to transport her to that moment. She closed her eyes for a moment allowing the memory to consume her. The warrior looked at the older woman who tended the cart. She had a kind face, so much like Cyrene's. And then, she thought about Eve. She missed her mother and she missed her daughter. Eve was always picking flowers, stopping to smell them… taking the world in.

She smiled at the older woman who seemed to be enjoying watching the warrior's expressions and decided that she would buy some flowers for Gabrielle. It was not something she would normally do but standing there, looking at this gentle woman before her and thinking about her mother and Eve it just felt like the right thing to do.

Gabrielle was lying on her stomach on the bed scrolling away on a parchment and completely lost in that endeavor. She heard the door open but she did no lift her eyes. "You're back soon," she said still focused on whatever she was writing. She felt a presence standing before her and slowly lifted her gaze. There was the warrior, sheepishly holding a bouquet of wild flowers, looking a bit flushed in the cheeks and shifting side to side on her feet, almost like a small child with a crush. Gabrielle's eyes became small with her smile. "What's this?" she asked.

The warrior shrugged as she would expect, "I knew you weren't feeling well," she was about to say something like, 'Don't make a big deal of it,' when Eve popped into her head again. She just smiled and turned to unpack the bread and cheese she had bought.

"Xena…." Gabrielle walked toward her partner. "I love them." Xena didn't turn around. Gabrielle put her hand on Xena's shoulder to turn her about but Xena seemed to be a bit resistant. "What?...What is it?"

Xena turned with tears in her eyes. Gabrielle looked at her with loving concern. "Xena…" she said softly. Xena didn't have to say a word. Gabrielle knew immediately what she had been thinking. Eve loved flowers. "I miss her too," Gabrielle said taking the warrior into her embrace.

Xena took a deep breath. "It's that obvious, huh?"

Gabrielle caressed the warrior's cheek. "Hardly noticeable…"

Xena chuckled following Gabrielle to the edge of the bed.

"Xena…I know how much you miss her."

Xena shook her head slightly as Gabrielle wiped a tear from her cheek. There were only a few people who could solicit this softness in the warrior, her children, Lyceus, her mother and Gabrielle. And, it was only those few people who saw her like this. "I just got her back," the warrior said.

Gabrielle had been waiting for this moment. One of the things that Xena frequently talked about when she was pregnant with Eve was how she wanted to make sure she did things differently. Losing Solon had broken Xena's heart; just when she had thought she was about to have him truly in her life. Being separated from Eve for so long had deeply hurt the warrior. She loved Eve now, but Gabrielle knew that Xena struggled to come to terms with missing her youth. She told Eve once, "The thing about your mother is she doesn't want people to know how vulnerable she can be. She wants to be the protector all the time for the people she loves, but she missed you… missed being there for you – even if she won't say that."

"Xena…"

"I just don't understand, Gabrielle. I don't understand."

"I wondered when you would finally let this happen."

"What?" Xena asked a bit defensive.

Gabrielle took no offense. She understood Xena better than anyone. Gabrielle let go a small sigh and took Xena's hand.

"I'm sorry, Gabrielle," the warrior said as silent tears fell.

"For what? For loving your daughter? Xena…." Gabrielle gently guided Xena back onto the bed and laid down beside her, quietly and softly brushing the hair from the warrior's eyes.

"I just…."

"You wanted her to stay with us," Xena nodded, "I know," Gabrielle said.

"I'm being ridiculous." Xena said firmly. "Who would believe…"

"Xena…" Gabrielle's voice was low and compassionate but she spoke with a firmness now. "You have got to stop this."

"What?"

"You know what," Gabrielle raised her eyebrow.

"I don't…" Xena said a bit unconvincingly.

Gabrielle was tenderly stoking the side of Xena's face, "Stop…."

Another tear began to fall from the warrior's eye.

"Please…" Gabrielle said softly, "It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. What do you always tell me?"

Xena just looked into the green eyes that she always found comfort in.

"You tell me that it takes more strength to love than to fight…..she's your daughter…"

Xena smiled and touched the bard's face. This is why Xena fell in love with the her. Gabrielle could look into Xena's eyes, see her heart and at the same time tell her the truth unlike anyone.

"She'll be back, Xena. I promise. You're her mother. She adores you."

Xena smiled. And kissed Gabrielle on the forehead.

"You," the warrior said, "You…"

"What?" Gabrielle asked quietly.

Xena just kissed her gently and looked into her eyes. Gabrielle smiled. Everything in their lives had changed so much, but not this. Gabrielle put her head on the warrior's chest as she did so many nights since they met, sometimes for comfort, sometimes for safety, sometimes for warmth, but always for the chance to feel the love that only Xena could give her. After a long silence the warrior spoke, "Thank you, Gabrielle."

"For what?" the bard asked holding onto the warrior.

"Everything…"


	35. Chapter 35 - Empty Nest

**Chapter 35 – Empty Nest**

_This takes place after "Path of Vengeance" and before "To Helicon and Back"_

**Author's Note**: As I watch these episodes in order to write the in-betweens it becomes even more evident to me that this show is all about how people grow and evolve and how their relationships both help and hinder that process at times. As I begin to approach the end of this endeavor; I feel a slight sadness and yet an increased affinity for all of these characters. About 6 more chapters to go. If you are also reading SALVATION; I have taken a break for a few days to focus more on this. Writing this has been instructive for that story and I am doing a fair amount of research on different aspects of that story… Phoenicia, Phoenician Gods, etc. Thanks to everyone who has sent feedback on this arc, followed along, etc. I hope that you have enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Truly, a lot of talented and thoughtful people created these characters, their stories and their journeys… I appreciate the ability to have them on loan for a short time….A few more chapters… Cheers, bb

Xena was very quiet as they sat in front of a large fire in front of the yurt. Chin was a long way from her as they both knew. It was a land of many mysteries to be discovered and also many dangers to confront. Gabrielle knew that there was both an uneasiness and a sadness in Xena that Eve had decided to make the trek east. She also knew that this was something Eve needed to do. Chin was a place for Eve to only be Eve; the messenger. It was a place where Livia would be no more than a distant echo. It was also a place that held great meaning for her mother. Gabrielle suspected that was part of the reason she chose it as well.

"Xena…" Gabrielle urged carefully, "She'll be all right. Eve's smart."

Xena looked at Gabrielle with a tinge of fear in her eye. "Yes, but she won't fight, Gabrielle. Who will protect her?"

Gabrielle understood the way of love. I was not her path and she accepted that, but it was Eve's. The way of love meant completely giving oneself over to faith and to love and trusting that love would be the weapon needed when the time came. She took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes for a moment before looking into the fire again.

Xena saw her expression turn slightly more pensive, "What is it?" she asked the Amazon queen.

Gabrielle exhaled slowly and thought, "I was thinking about Eli," she said.

Xena turned back to the fire without responding as Gabrielle continued, "For a long time," she paused, "I felt guilty…even after learning about Callisto and Eve….." Xena turned to look at her as she continued to look into the fire recalling her feelings, "for not defending him – for listening to him," she shook her head slightly and then a smile crept to her face. "But, Xena…..when I saw Eve for the first time…..I realized that it was only because we loved….not because we fought – that she was here," she stopped and looked into the warrior's eyes. Xena searched her with the slightest grin. As usual Gabrielle knew what to say.

Xena let go a deep breath herself now. "It's so far."

Gabrielle's agreed, "It is," and there was a hint of sadness in her voice as she focused back onto the fire. Xena looked at her. Of course, she would miss Eve too.

Xena thought for a moment, "I'm sorry, Gabrielle."

Gabrielle turned in surprise, "You've been saying that a lot lately…. What's going on? You have nothing to be sorry for, Xena."

"Yes, I do. Sometimes I forget that you love her just as much."

Gabrielle smiled. She never thought that Xena _forgot_ how much she loved Eve. She understood the connection that Xena had to Eve. She lived it. She understood, too, what it is like to have a life come through you. All you want is to protect that life – no matter what.

"Xena…..I don't think that's true, but I appreciate you saying it," she smiled and took the warrior's hand.

In true form Xena straightened her posture and steadied herself, "So….looks like it's just the two of us… again."

"Looks like it," Gabrielle looked at Xena.

"Could be interesting," Xena cocked her eyebrow at Gabrielle.

"You think so?" The bard returned the expression.

"Mmmmmm." Was the only response.

Gabrielle squeezed the warrior's hand. It was another twist in their journey, unexpected in its own way, but perhaps a new opportunity for them as well. Their relationship had grown every day. The days of Xena leaving Gabrielle behind to fight some battle were long behind them. Any thoughts Gabrielle ever had of making a life elsewhere were blown away by the winds of time. This was their destiny. Whatever would come they would face it together and in that, there was great comfort.

"Xena?'

"Mmmmm?"

"I wouldn't change it."

"What?" the warrior asked.

"This," the bard smiled placing her head on the warrior's shoulder, "any of it."

Xena smiled and kissed Gabrielle's head. "Me either, Gabrielle. Me either."


	36. Chapter 36 - Necessary Evils

**Chapter 36 – Necessary Evils**

_This takes place after "To Helicon and Back" and sometime before "The Last of the Centaurs"_

**Author's Note: ******Because this story follows the course of Xena in the ancient world; I am not writing after the present day episodes. However, after this – I will be writing a piece about what happen to the clones in the present day (Think what happens when they become Xena and Gabrielle impersonators and meet Lucy and Renee').. LOL….

Xena sat watching Gabrielle as she poked at the fire. There was a distance in the bard's eyes and it was tearing Xena apart. Gabrielle had learned how to be a warrior. She understood tactics and she could fight almost as well as the warrior herself; but her heart; her heart had always remained that of a bard and Xena knew that. She had watched Gabrielle take command of the amazons and she saw all of the pain in her eyes that the Amazon queen worked so hard to mask in front of the young women she was forced to lead; lead into battle, lead to their deaths. No matter how much Gabrielle understood the necessity of her actions; it was not what she would have chosen. Xena thought that perhaps they should move on soon so that Gabrielle could get some distance from the reminders of the battle at Helicon. But, the Amazon Queen was needed to help lead the small tribe of young women through a time of healing and to help them regain their trust in Varia. She knew that she had to stay.

Gabrielle had been spending most of the days with Varia and with the tribe. Xena watched from a comfortable distance. She was overwhelmed by Gabrielle's resolve and her strength. She had the tribe's confidence and reverence. Still, as she watched Gabrielle take command of all of the fear and doubt that remained; she wanted to put the Amazon queen aside and take her bard into her arms. Now, as Gabrielle sat in front of the fire she knew that it was the bard in her presence.

"Gabrielle," Xena said softly. Gabrielle seemed intent on the fire. "Are you all right?'

Gabrielle continued to poke at a log in the fire and stare at the sparks as they flew. "I'm tired, Xena," she paused for a moment trying to gather her senses and her thoughts, "Tired of death. Tired of loss. Sometimes I just wonder why….. Why does it have to be so hard?"

Xena felt a heaviness in her chest. For the warrior, seeing Gabrielle in pain was far more difficult than any physical torture she could endure. She felt Gabrielle's pain in every nerve of her body, and she felt responsible. Gabrielle followed her on this journey and that journey had forced the bard not only to see but to experience some of the darkest realities in the world. Somehow she always kept her compassion and her capacity to see the good in things and in people. Xena knew that right now; right here in this moment; Gabrielle was struggling.

Xena looked at the bard, "I don't know, Gabrielle. The truth is I don't know."

Gabrielle looked at her with a longing, a longing for reason.

"What I do know," the warrior continued, "Is that if you had not been here things would have been worse."

Gabrielle looked at the warrior almost in disbelief. It was hard to imagine.

"Gabrielle," Xena continued, "Without you the entire tribe would have been erased. I know that it doesn't seem like it right now, but sometimes war….war is unavoidable. Believe me, I wish that weren't true."

Gabrielle sighed, "I know. You would think after all these years I would be able to accept that…..but, Xena…. I can't. I just can't accept that it will always have to be this way."

Xena pursed her lips and her eyes narrowed. "I wish that I had…."

Gabrielle stopped the warrior mid thought, "Don't say it…..don't you dare say it…"

The warrior looked at the bard with a pain in her eyes.

"Xena…. The only thing….. The only thing that I am sure of is that I belong with you…..no matter when or where, it just is."

Xena offered a crooked smile, "But Gabrielle…if it just is then…

"No. I would make that choice a thousand times over again."

Xena moved over to Gabrielle and put her arm around her. "You are the strongest person I know, Gabrielle."

Gabrielle shook her head.

"No, you are…I look at you and I am amazed, every day…sometimes I wonder if you really need me anymore," the warrior looked upon the fire now and felt the heat from the flames burning her face slightly. It felt like it was burning this moment into her skin. All she ever wanted was to protect Gabrielle, to love her and the notion that her presence in anyway caused the bard pain was nearly unbearable for her.

Gabrielle looked at Xena and her face began to soften. It was strange she thought to herself, this warrior; this woman who was so intimidating to others; this woman that others saw as an imposing fighter; for Gabrielle she was the softest and gentlest soul on earth. When Gabrielle looked at Xena, whether in a battle or lying next to her in the fire's glow; she was immediately struck with compassion and an abiding love.

"Xena," her voice was low now, "I need you more than I have ever needed anyone in my life."

Xena looked at her with hopefulness and yet disbelief. "So much that you feel is because of me, Gabrielle."

"Everything I feel is because of you, Xena."

Xena looked at her as her heart seemed to rise higher in her body feeling such sadness for the bard's pain. The warrior fought back her tears and closed her eyes.

"Listen to me…..Xena…. everything I am now…..the fact that I can love… that I do love… it is because I love you…..I hate the violence….I do, but I need you."

"Gabrielle, you have not even wanted to talk to me…."

"Because I can't hide from you, Xena. I never could. You know that."

"I never wanted you to see all of this."

Gabrielle put her head on the warrior's shoulder, "A long time ago you and I were in front of a fire like this," she began, "And we were at a cross roads. Do you remember that?"

Xena sighed, "Of course I do."

"You told me that you never wanted to hurt me. Do you remember that?"

Xena nodded. "You were ready not to love me because you might hurt me," the bard said.

"But, Gabrielle, I did hurt you."

"Xena, nothing would have hurt me more than if you had turned from me that day. I told you then that you couldn't protect me from everything."

Xena looked at Gabrielle, "I know."

"You are not responsible for this. You are not responsible for what other people do, Xena. You always say that the good you do is because of me, but that's not true."

"It is true, Gabrielle."

"No, it isn't. No more than it is for me. When are you going to realize that you have been my way every bit as much as I have ever been yours?"

The warrior looked at her bard now. The pain was still evident but there was something else there as well. It was love. It was compassion. It was determination.

"Xena…. No matter what happens - the only thing that keeps me steady is you. It was seeing you there that gave me the strength to lead the Amazons. It was knowing that you would be here at the end of the day that gave me the courage to continue on here. I wish you would believe that."

Xena smiled slightly and kissed Gabrielle on the head. It was hard for her to accept but she did believe it; she knew it.

"I will get through this, Xena as long as I have you here. I just don't want to talk about it, okay? I just want you to hold me… no reasons… not assurances… just hold me."

Xena understood. She took Gabrielle's hand and led her into the yurt. They laid down silently and Xena took the bard in her arms. "Gabrielle?"

"Yes, Xena?"

"I will always want to protect you. It doesn't mean I don't see you or understand."

"I know," the bard said, "And Xena?"

"Yes?"

"I will always want you to try and protect me…even if I know you can't."

Xena smiled. This was their way. This was another stop on their path, but just a stop. Nothing could stop the morning form coming again and what the morning would bring she could not say. Somehow they would face it; together.

"Gabrielle?" The warrior whispered playing with the bard's hair.

"MMM?"

"I am proud of you. I hope you know that."

Gabrielle smiled to herself. "Thank you….Xena?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for not walking away."

"What?"

"All those years ago…."

"Gabrielle…..I could never walk away from you."

Gabrielle smiled widely, "Thanks anyway."

"You're welcome," the warrior said as she pulled the bard closer into her embrace. "Sleep now….tomorrow is another day…"


	37. Chapter 37 - A Moment - A Fate

Chapter 37 – A Moment – A Fate

_This chapter takes place after "The Last of the Centaurs" and before "When Fates Collide"_

"Gabrielle!" Xena's voice bellowed through the trees.

Gabrielle ran down the hill toward the stream where Xena had gone to fish.

"What? What in Tartarus is wrong?"

Xena had a disconcerting look on her face as Gabrielle edged toward the water's edge.

"Xena? What are you doing?"

Xena looked at Gabrielle seeming a bit embarrassed.

"I'm stuck."

Gabrielle did her best to hide her amusement. "I'm sorry? ...You're stuck? How are you stuck?"

"Gabrielle, will you just come here and help me," Xena asked as Gabrielle snickered, "Gabrielle!"

"All right. All right…..I'm sorry…" Gabrielle waded into the water. "What are you stuck on?"

Xena shrugged.

"I told you that all this fishing with your hands and feet would get you in trouble someday…"

"Yeah yeah… right… can you just get my foot free please?"

Gabrielle stopped in front of the warrior and bit her lip attempting to suppress her smile. She lifted her hand to cover her mouth slightly as her eyes beamed at the frustration that showed so clearly on Xena's face. She felt with her own foot to see if she could tell what had Xena's foot pinned; a branch, rock – trying to determine the culprit before diving in, and if she were to be honest completely relishing the warrior's current helpless state.

"Gabrielle….please."

Gabrielle smiled and put her hand on the warrior's cheek. "It's okay, Xena…. I have you…." She winked.

Xena rolled her eyes. She was fully aware that her bard was enjoying this moment.

Gabrielle dove under and shifted a rock that had become somehow entangled with a large log and dug Xena's foot free. She rose back up to the surface and rubbed the water from her face, pulling her hair back.

Xena shook her foot loose fully.

"Better?" Gabrielle gloated.

"Mmmm."

"You're welcome…" the bard said playfully.

Xena cocked her smile sideways and let out a small sigh of reluctant admission, "Thank you…"

Gabrielle smiled and turned back toward the stream's edge. In an instant she found herself being pulled backward and slightly under.

"Xena… I have to go and…"

"And what? Have another warrior to save, do you?" Xena raised an eyebrow.

"No. One is my quota for the day," the bard quipped.

"I see," the warrior answered. She took Gabrielle in her arms and looked into her eyes.

Gabrielle could not stop smiling. The last few days had been some of the best she and Xena had spent together; perhaps ever. Having the chance to see Ephiny, even for a moment had warmed the bard's heart. It was a goodbye she had not been ready for. And, for Xena, meeting Borias's son had helped her to close a painful chapter in her life. They had sat and talked about Solon and Eve and laughed. Laughed at Solon's pension for tree climbing and Eve's obsession with spiders. They talked about happy time, memories that each held dear. It was as if sadness had vanished; at least for now. They both felt lighter somehow. There was just a sense of possibility in the air.

Xena wiped water droplets from Gabrielle's face gently. "You are beautiful," she said to the bard.

Gabrielle looked into the warrior's eyes and searched the contentment in her eyes. "Did you get stuck on purpose?" Gabrielle narrowed her gaze.

"Gabrielle….. How would I get stuck on purpose?" The warrior rolled her eyes unconvincingly.

"Uh huh…" the bard pressed her tongue against her cheek. "You are impossible…"

Xena couldn't contain the grin that seemed to be determined to make itself known.

"Complaining?" she inquired.

Gabrielle looked at her pretending to consider the question very carefully.

"Yes?' The warrior asked again.

Gabrielle moved in close to Xena and looked up into her steel blue eyes as if she were ready to confide some wonderful secret. "Xena," she whispered seductively.

Xena swallowed heard and took a deep breath anticipating the bard's next move.

"I just want you to know…." The bard continued….

"GABRIELLE!" Xena cried with just an ounce of real pain. The bard had masterfully disarmed the warrior and managed to get a good pinch on her backside.

Gabrielle gloated… "Hummm….you're not the only one with a few tricks up her sleeve…."

Xena nodded her understanding with a lighthearted shake of her head. At this moment the warrior could not be certain that she had ever felt so at peace. She took the bard back into her arms and kissed her slowly.

"Xena," Gabrielle said slightly breathless.

"Mmmm?"

"I could stay here forever…"

Xena smiled knowing that forever might only be the next five minutes, but she agreed. 'If forever could be one moment," she thought to herself as she kissed Gabrielle again, 'this would be my fate, forever.'


	38. Chapter 38 - The Wanderer's fate

Chapter 38 – The Wanderer's Fate

_This takes place after "When Fates Collide" and before "Many Happy Returns" _

_This will be two chapters one immediately following Fates and one immediately preceding Returns _

Xena was sitting silently in front of the fire. Her thoughts were preoccupied with a new realization. It had been unimaginable that Caesar could reach from beyond his grave to tamper with her life; yet again. This time, however, something was different. All of the warrior's anger and rage seemed to be replaced by a new awareness. The certainty that she now had that all things in her life led her to Gabrielle. Gabrielle was sitting across from her concentrating on making dinner. Xena watched her as she had so many times before. Somehow, tonight seemed totally different. She was thankful to be in this time again. Thankful for her life. Most of all thankful that she would never be alone again.

Gabrielle looked up and noticed Xena's expression. She smiled and continued with her efforts allowing her thoughts to wander as well. She thought about Xena; meeting Xena again for the first time. It was strange, she thought, that they returned to this reality but remembered all of their experiences in both. She wasn't certain if that was because she had burned the fates' loom or if it had something to do with Alti's visions. In the end it didn't matter. She was glad that she could remember what it felt like seeing Xena for the first time; this time as an accomplished woman not an eager young girl. The amazement she felt was the same. The feeling that somehow life was complete. She finished with the frying pan and went to sit next to Xena. They sat in silence for a while.

"Gabrielle," Xena said softly. Gabrielle acknowledged her with only her eyes.

"Did you ever think," Xena continued, "That all of this… everything was meant to be?"

Gabrielle thought for a long moment. "All of it?...No….I don't think all of it was meant to be…. But it all has a purpose."

Xena stared into the flames as she so often did. "I didn't even know you….but when I saw you I knew I loved you."

Gabrielle smiled and stroked the warrior's hair.

"There is always a cross, Gabrielle. Some kind of cross. The Gods. Caesar. Romans. Guilt. Crosses – all of them." Gabrielle looked at Xena with a tear in her eye. She could not deny that what Xena was saying was true. They had each carried crosses, each been nailed to them but in the end both had somehow survived it all.

"Do you think without them….. The crosses…. We would be together?"

Gabrielle looked at the flames as they danced and thought about her reply.

"Xena," the bard began, "I think that in every life there are crosses; maybe not like the ones we have had to bear; in this life these things are our crosses – in another life it will be something else. But yes…..I think we will always find each other…. I'm sure of it. Even changing the world couldn't prevent that."

Xena closed her eyes. For so long she had believed that she would never really love – that sharing her life with someone was unwise if not impossible. And yet somehow this girl from Potedaia came along and captured her heart. And now she watched and marveled at the woman who commanded her soul.

"You burned the fates' loom," Xena laughed.

"I did."

"I wonder if they are back in this time…"

Gabrielle did not hesitate in her answer, "I don't think so, Xena. I think there is a higher power in charge now. The same one that made certain we found each other."

"Eli…"

Gabrielle smiled, "Yes, or something like Eli."  
Xena nodded her agreement as she recalled a conversation she had with Eve shortly before they parted company for the last time. She became lost in the memory. Eve had told Xena that she should think about finding some place to settle for a while:

_"Mother," Eve had said, "You can't stop every villain. You need some peace."_

_Xena had looked at her daughter as though she were crazy. "Eve, it is not me to be still."_

_"Perhaps not," he daughter smiled, "But if it is boredom you are worried about – I think you can rest easy. Trouble will find you all by itself…If you hadn't fought the Gods you and Gabrielle would be…"_

_Xena cut off the messenger, "We would be dead…" she laughed._

_"That's not funny," Eve said._

_"I'm not being funny. It's true."_

_"Well, maybe you just don't see it."_

_"What are you talking about?" Xena asked._

_"What you really need to find peace, Mother…..it's right in front of you….your 'redemption'"_

Gabrielle saw the faraway look in the warrior's eye. "What are you thinking?" She asked.

Xena's nose crinkled and her eyes narrowed. "I'm thinking," She said slowly and paused, "I'm thinking about something Eve said."

Gabrielle was puzzled, "Really? What did Eve say?"

Xena let forth a slight chuckle, "Oh something profound about finding peace right in front of me."

Gabrielle searched the warrior's eyes for some greater understanding.

Xena sighed with smile, "Maybe she was right."

"What are you saying, Xena?"

Xena's expression became more serious, "I don't know. It just seems like trouble will find us without us looking for IT."

Gabrielle laughed, "That's for sure."

Gabrielle laid her head on Xena's shoulder. "Gabrielle?"

"Hummm?"

"I think we should go to Athens."

"Why Athens?"

Xena shrugged. "I don't know. Why not?"

Gabrielle giggled, "Always the wanderer."

Xena smiled. Perhaps so. As she kissed Gabrielle on the head she thought of Eve again. _'I do have peace right in front of me, Eve. No matter where I go.' _


	39. Chapter 39 - Heroes, Heists and Helmets

**Chapter 39 – Heroes, Heists and Helmets**

"Xena, what happened to Athens?"

"Ahhh… Gabrielle… where's your sense of adventure?"

"I left it about 2 villages back on the side of the road. Seriously, Xena… what are you up to?"

"Geez… Gabrielle…. Don't you trust me?'

"Mmmhmmm…you are up to something. I feel it."

Xena shook her head. "AH HA!"

Gabrielle was tired, "What is so exciting?"

"Over there…" Xena pointed.

Gabrielle opened her eyes wide, looked around and then turn back to Xena was a narrow gaze. "There is nothing there."

"What? Sure there is…..maybe you're just not looking hard enough," the warrior gestured to a hill off a short way.

"Xena…. It's a hill, Xena…. A hill…."

"NAH… it's MORE than a hill, Gabrielle…. Look…."

Gabrielle looked carefully now and thought she caught a glimpse of something reflecting from the top of the hill. "What is that?"

"Ahhhh…. See…. You thought I'd lost it... Admit it…."

Gabrielle gave in, "I admit it. You are right….. There is something there," she paused and then looked directly at the warrior, "And yes, I thought you'd lost it…."

"HAH!" Xena chimed.

"I'm still not sure you haven't."

"Very funny…."

"So?" Gabrielle asked now.

"So what?" Xena answered back picking up the pace slightly.

"So….why are we headed for a shiny thing on a hill?"

Xena kept plugging forward, "That shiny thing on a hill is a temple, Gabrielle."

"A temple for who? Or should I say for what?"

Xena stopped and turned to the bard. "It's a temple to Hermes."

Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "Why on earth do you want to go THERE?"

"Because there is something there we need to get."

"OoooooKaaay."

"The helmet is there. Bad idea to leave it lying there, don't you think?"

Gabrielle just shrugged and raised her hands to signify she was fine with whatever Xena thought was best.

After a while the temple became much larger in view. Xena stopped at took note of all of their surroundings.

"Worried about something?" Gabrielle asked.

Xena kept studying the area, raising her finger to her lips for Gabrielle to be quiet. Gabrielle began looking around herself now. She didn't hear anything or see anything but she trusted Xena's inclinations. The warrior had a sixth sense about danger. That was something that she had come to both understand and appreciate over the years.

Xena leaned in closer to Gabrielle. "Over there," she gestured past a small line of tall bushes.

Gabrielle squinted in an attempt to bring whatever Xena sensed into view. The bushes were moving slightly. "Do you think they know we're here?" she whispered to the warrior.

Xena just shook her head. "Listen, Gabrielle," the warrior started, "I am going to head through those trees and try to get behind whoever that is." Gabrielle nodded her understanding. "Head the opposite way and see if you can get in through the back of the temple. There is supposed to be a chamber behind the altar. Try and find it…..the helmet should be there."

Gabrielle put her hand on Xena's shoulder, "Be careful," she cautioned as she turned to make the short journey. Xena gave the bard a one eyed smile, "always."

It only took a few minutes for Gabrielle to reach the back of the temple. She had not encountered any obstacles at all. 'Something is not right,' she thought to herself. Whether or not the gods were gone; a prize like Hermes' helmet should still have multiple protections. She thought perhaps she should call on Aphrodite, but Xena seemed to feel things were well in hand, so the bard continued on, sai at the ready.

Xena made her way to the far side of the line of bushes silently. She carefully began to reach into the bushes when a figure popped up before her, "XENA!"

"Autolycus!" Autolycus looked very much the same. He was still fit though he had gone mostly gray. Xena had wondered what became of him after all of these years but she certainly was not surprised to see that he had not slowed down.

"What are you doing here?" the thief asked trying to hide his emotion at seeing a friend that had not aged a day.

"I suppose I don't need to ask what YOU are doing here," the warrior raised her eyebrow.

"Xena, the helmet of Hermes is a great prize."

"Yes, I know," the warrior agreed, "But it isn't that much of a challenge anymore. What is this all about?"

"Ahhhh," the thief said, "For me, no… it is not much of a challenge – a few traps – child's play really."

"What _traps_?" Xena asked with concern.

"Oh you know….the usual god nonsense….triggers for flying knives… a trap door lava pit… all the unoriginal…"

Xena was moving quickly toward the temple with Autolycus now trying to catch up calling after her, "What is wrong?"

Xena kept her forward pace, "Gabrielle…."

Autolycus rolled his eyes as they reached the temple and crouched behind a large pillar, "You sent Gabrielle here alone?"

Xena shot him a look of disgust, "Gabrielle can handle herself."

"Well, of course she can…" Autolycus said, "But just in case why don't I take the back." The thief broke away from the warrior deliberately and carefully making his way around the side of the building.

Gabrielle was looking around the back of the temple. It was quiet, too quiet. She debated what her next move should be. There were few offerings here now. It gave her a clear line of sight to the back wall which was adorned by a large painting of Hermes with Zeus looking over him. She was sure that would be the hiding place. Zeus above Hermes, it made sense. She started to make her way to the first step when she felt something thrusting her toward the ground.

Stunned, she rubbed her head which had hit the marble floor with some force, "What the..." as things came into focus, "Autolycus?"

"Hello. You can thank me later." He said still lying partially on top of her.

"Thank you? For what? Almost knocking me unconscious?"

He just shook his head and picked up a small but heavy statue that was lying nearby and promptly threw it onto the stair. As daggers flew over their heads he covered the bard again with his body, "That…" he answered.

Gabrielle was till slightly dazed, but she was relieved that the thief was there. "Does Xena…"

"No," a voice beckoned from the other side of the temple, "I had no idea that he was here…but I shouldn't have been surprised to find him skulking in the bushes," she laughed. Xena understood that the helmet would be a great asset to Autolycus in his endeavors.

"Skulking?" The thief seemed a bit insulted. Gabrielle was still rubbing her head and trying to process the entire scene including the man standing before her.

Xena raised her eyebrow a bit as she helped Gabrielle to her feet, "Well…."she said, "Yes… skulking."

"I do not skulk"

Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "Okay…so how do we get this helmet?" She smiled at the thief.

"AHHHH," Autolycus beamed with pride, "We fly."

"Autolycus," Gabrielle began, "We don't have the helmet yet TO fly."

"Oh… you have such little faith," he jabbed.

"Okay," Xena said, "Show us your wings then."

"No wings…" he pointed to the ceiling. Draped above were fairly long silk banners in red, gold, and purple.

"That is not going to hold you," Gabrielle offered, "And how do you propose getting up there?" Gabrielle was happy to see their friend well, but she also was curious how this man, who was not so young had planned to 'fly' across the room.

Autolycus just smiled. The king of thieves always had a plan – some intricate and elaborate scheme to achieve his conquest. "Well," he said, "I plan…"

Before he could finish his thought Xena had let out a warrior's cry and pitched herself into a series of flips finally reaching a long red banner and began her swing across the ceiling.

"….Or….." the thief frowned, "You could just do that I suppose."

Gabrielle grinned. Xena was not much for elaborate schemes but she certainly matched the thief when it came to flair. Some things would never change.

It only took seconds for Xena to reach the far wall. She looked a bit like a goddess herself cloaked in the purple silk that supported her weight. "Okay, Autolycus…. Now what?"

Autolycus shrugged, "How should I know?"

Xena spun slightly and glared, "You mean to tell me that you don't know _how_ to release it?"

He shrugged again.

Gabrielle studied the painting, inching as close as she thought would be safe. Zeus was holding a lightning bolt in one hand and had a large shield in front of him. She squinted hard to try and see.

"Xena," she called, "Look at the shield."

Xena spun back around to face the painting. There it was. The middle of the shield was adorned by an emerald. It was not painted – it was embedded.

"Good call, Gabrielle," the warrior acknowledged as she removed the gem. A panel opened, making Hermes invisible and revealing the helmet in that sat on a golden pedestal. Xena reached for the helmet, nearly dropping it and catching it. She was surprised a bit at the weight. She grabbed a hold of one of the wings and set the helmet on her head.

"You can let go now," Autolycus called with more than a hint of disappointment in his voice.

Xena let go and found herself floating. It was quite an exhilarating feeling. For a moment she felt unsteady, but as with most things it took no time for her to have command of the task and she soared over head. She was now playfully swooping down; nearly into the two friends.

"Xena!" Gabrielle called with a bit of a chuckle. "Come down before you hurt yourself!"

"Or us…" Autolycus grumbled.

"Ha!" the warrior laughed finally coming to rest next to the bard who simply raised an eyebrow with the shake of her head. "You've gotta' try it, Gabrielle."

"No thank you," the bard patted Xena's arm. "I'm still dizzy from that tackle," she looked at Autolycus.

"Oh…" he griped, "You're welcome… again."

Gabrielle winked at him and finally put her arm around his. "It is good to see you Autolycus."

"It's good to be seen… though I must say I wish I looked like you."

Xena smiled at their friend. "Autolycus… the helmet needs…"

The thief sighed. "I know…. I know…to be in safe hands…"

Xena licked her lips and sighed. "Never going to stop, are you?"

"Hmmm….. no…. but then you're not one to say anything about slowing down are you?" He winked now at the warrior.

Xena took stock in his statement for a moment as she removed the helmet and handed it to Gabrielle who nearly dropped it. Gabrielle looked around the temple and saw an ornate bag on one of the offering trays. She thought it would be best to hide the prize. She motioned to Xena, pointing it out. Xena's expression of agreement told the bard all she needed to know. As Xena watched Gabrielle make her way across the room her eyes narrowed and she took a deep breath.

"I don't know, Autolycus," she said with the hint of a smile creeping to her face.

"Don't know what?" The thief asked?

Her voice was quiet as her smile grew watching the bard struggle to place the helmet in the bag, all the while juggling both and muttering to herself in some frustration. "Some things…" she paused as Gabrielle did a little victory dance with her newly filled sack, "Some things are worth slowing down for."

Autolycus just looked at the bard. He had known Xena's heart for many years. Part of him had always wondered when she would fully realize it herself. He smiled now. "Indeed," he said, "Indeed."


	40. Chapter 40 - Recollection

Chapter 40 - Recollection

_This takes place after "Many Happy Returns" and ends within the first exchange of dialogue in a "Friend in Need"_

_It is very sad to be approaching the end of this journey…..I will write one final chapter after this that takes place after "Friend in Need". - What a great show. What fun to watch these characters and laugh and cry with them over six seasons! The best things in life are those that make us FEEL – that take us on a journey somehow… whether it's a trip, a relationship, a job, book, song, movie… or yes, a little television show about a warrior princess and a bard…life is all about living and loving and taking a journey… just as we have with Xena and Gabrielle. My sincere thanks to all of you who have given feedback, who have followed and who have sent me messages. I have enjoyed every second of writing this. I will be concentrating on my post series story SALVATION now and am developing a website with all my writing… fiction and non-fiction – . I expect there are more stories to come… As I post these last two installments I want to say thank you to everyone… in particular to all the creative folks who made Xena. What a gift to give so many people such joy for so many years. Peace to all…. Do what you love with passion….and act always with compassion….Nancy…_

Gabrielle was sitting by the edge of the lake watching Xena's fishing antics. Over all of the years together she had grown to appreciate the warrior's affinity for play. Fishing always reminded Xena of her youth, of a more simple and innocent time, and of Lyceus. Cyrene had shared stories with the bard about Xena as a child and Xena had often times recalled adventures with her brothers to her partner. Watching Xena now, Gabrielle saw something far more akin to a playful child than a determined warrior.

"CATCH!" the warrior yelled as a trout was hurled through the air in Gabrielle's direction.

Gabrielle ducked and allowed the fish to land, flopping about wildly at her side. "Oh no, Xena, not catching…..only watching."

The warrior had a gleam in her eye. "Ah..come on, Gabrielle…it's fun."

Gabrielle just giggled and rolled her eyes. No matter what struggles or tragedies the pair ever faced, Xena could always seem to find peace at a camp site. Fishing and a fire seemed to transport the warrior to a different time. Gabrielle loved these moments. As she sat watching she found herself thinking about all that they had been through together. She thought about all the lives they had lived and all the people they had known. These last few seasons had been strange in so many ways. This time that they now lived in was different. It had been difficult to comprehend for them both and yet, at the same time, they had both come to fully understand the most important thing in their lives; each other.

Xena made her way to the shore and to the bard. She stopped in front of Gabrielle and pondered the bard's expression. Gabrielle just smiled sweetly. Before the bard could move, the warrior had taken a position leaning over her and dripping freezing droplets of lake water onto her, immediately snapping Gabrielle out of her distant recollections

"Xena!" Gabrielle screamed in shock.

Xena laughed. "Woke you up, huh…..What were you thinking about anyway?'

Gabrielle hopped to her feet as Xena grabbed the fish. "I was just thinking."

Xena closed one eye, "Daydreaming?"

"No, not really. Just….recalling, I guess."

The pair made their way back to the camp site in silence. It was time to begin a familiar ritual. Chaos seemed to seep into their life at nearly every turn, but when they stopped; when they found a quiet place; their routine was strangely 'normal' and extremely comforting to them both. There was no warrior and no bard in this place. This is where Gabrielle and Xena resided.

Xena started cleaning the fish and Gabrielle started the fire. Xena was humming a familiar tune, one that seemed to be of her own creation. Gabrielle chuckled. For some reason right now it reminded her of Joxer. As she threw some kindling into the flames she peered into the woods at a distance and pictured him marching toward them singing in a boisterous tone, "Joxer the mighty, roams through the country side…" She shook her head and smiled. How she missed him. She felt a tear brush across her cheek as she added a log now to the flames.

Xena was busy with her own task, humming away. She couldn't help but think about Autolycus. Seeing him was bittersweet for the warrior. In all of her life there were very few people that she trusted completely. After all that had happened; losing Lyceus, losing herself to her pain; when Xena finally set forth on a new path her family became comprised of an odd mixture of personalities. This family was a patchwork of people that at one time she would have sworn she would have nothing to do with. Gabrielle, innocent and compassionate; Joxer, clumsy and awkward but brave and kind; Aphrodite, a Goddess; Eli, a prophet; her mother, Ephiny, Amarice, Tara, Varia, Meg, Virgil…..her sweet Eve, and the thief who understood her heart. So many of them gone, gone before their time. Xena had been sure that their meeting with Autolycus would be the last time she would see him. She wasn't certain how she knew that; but something within her seemed to just 'know'. She was grateful to have been able to share those moments with him.

The evening continued much as it always did. Xena sat across from Gabrielle and watched as the bard, the Amazon queen, became what seemed to be just a simple and beautiful woman going about life's daily business. As much as Xena loved Gabrielle's way with words and admired her strength, it was in these simple moments that she felt her love for the bard completely wash over her. It surprised her still. The simplicity amidst all the complications and upheavals of their life together. Gabrielle brought a balance into Xena's world. She found herself in a quiet laugh.

Gabrielle looked at the warrior with curiosity, "Care to share?" she asked.

Xena looked at Gabrielle. The warrior's eyes twinkled in the firelight. Gabrielle felt her breath leave her for a moment. That had never changed, not from the moment she saw Xena. Xena could simply look at the bard and Gabrielle would find herself struggling to catch her breath. For many years she struggled to make sense out of it. Now, it had become something she simply accepted as a truth. It did not require explanation or reason, it was something to be thankful for.

Xena looked across at her partner, her best friend, her lover, her companion, "I was just thinking about Autolycus…. actually" she continued, "I was thinking about 'family'."

Gabrielle understood. After seeing Autolycus her thoughts had also become consumed with the many faces of the souls that had penetrated their life together. She gave Xena a solemn smile. "I swear, Xena," she began, "I could hear Joxer singing a little while ago."

Xena moved around the fire and took a spot next to the bard. "The Mighty?" she shook her head.

Gabrielle felt a tear fall. She felt such a mixture of emotions thinking about their best friend now; sadness, joy, a tinge of anger, but mostly love. "I miss him," she said in a hush.

"Me too," Xena acknowledged placing her hand on Gabrielle's back. "It's hard to believe…..I mean who would think that we would still be here and Amarice, Ephiny….Joxer…..Eli….." Xena closed her eyes for a moment and allowed her emotions to become still. It was quiet for a long while as the companions searched their minds, their feelings and their memories. After a while Gabrielle turned to the warrior with a half-cocked smile.

Xena looked at Gabrielle for a long moment. She wasn't quite sure what to say. "Are you tired?" she asked.

Gabrielle took a deep breath. "No." She sat still now and looked at the fire. After a few moments she turned back to the warrior and looked past her eyes. It was a soul searching glance.

Xena felt a warmth overtake her. "What?" she asked gently.

Gabrielle bit her bottom lip and shook her head slightly.

"What is it?" the warrior asked searching the bard's eyes.

Gabrielle closed her eyes and thought for a minute. She opened them and took Xena's hand in her own. "I don't know what I would do without you," she said quietly.

Xena looked at her knowing. These last seasons had been leading them to someplace neither had really ever been. There was a need to be still more often. There was a comfort in that stillness that had once seemed impossible for both. Xena wasn't sure if it was a result of losing so many people, the violence or the time. She suspected it was a bit of everything and more than all of it; it was the understanding of the place they held for each other. Their connection was deeper than friendship or family; soul mates….they were connected in a way that few could understand. And, the greatest fear either held was losing the other.

Xena stood and guided Gabrielle to her feet. "I love you, Gabrielle," she said definitely but sweetly.

Gabrielle's face brightened. "I know…" she playfully answered.

They headed the short distance to the furs that Gabrielle had laid out earlier. Gabrielle looked at the night sky. It was clear and the stars were bright. "I wonder," she began and stopped herself.

"What?" Xena prodded.

"All those stars. I wonder sometimes if they can see us….like heaven…"

Xena looked at the sky. "I don't know," she said solemnly. "You see things, Gabrielle….. that others just can't."

Gabrielle laughed.

"No, it's true," the warrior said. Gabrielle looked at her. She was touched by Xena's sentiment. "You see the possibility in everything," Xena said turning her focus back to the night sky.

Another period of silence seemed to envelop them. Gabrielle laid back next to her companion. Xena took her hand as they continued their exploration of the heavens above and the emotions within. "I wonder," Xena said, "where Eve is right now."

Gabrielle squeezed the warrior's hand. She missed Eve too. "Maybe she's doing the same thing," the bard offered.

Xena chuckled. "She's probably asleep."

Gabrielle laughed. It was true. Eve had a tendency to fall fast asleep while they were all still chatting. "Yeah, well some things DO change," she smiled.

Xena laughed. Eve was a good baby but like all babies she had kept them up a fair share of nights. Again it turned quiet. After a few more moments Xena spoke. Her voice was very quiet, just a hush, "Gabrielle…" she seemed to be having some difficulty getting out her words.

Gabrielle turned to face her warrior. "What is it?"

"I wish," she continued still grasping for words, "I wish things could have been different."

"You mean with Eve?" the bard asked.

Xena looked at Gabrielle intently with a tear in her eye, "Well, yes…but I wish you could…."

Gabrielle knew where this was heading. "Stop…..Xena…..stop."

Xena looked at Gabrielle and sighed as though she were in some pain. "I know that Hope…"

Gabrielle closed her eyes tightly. "Xena…don't…..Hope was not your fault. It wasn't my fault. It just was…You have to let this go. I wouldn't change anything…"

Xena caressed the bard's face. "I wouldn't change us… but I would change anything I could to have made that..."

Gabrielle took hold of Xena's hand as it brushed across her cheek, "Listen to me," she said, "I wouldn't change things…I wouldn't change this…this is my home…..you are my home."

Xena shook her head slightly as Gabrielle laid her head on the warrior's chest. "Gabrielle…I…"

Gabrielle smiled and pulled herself up to look at the warrior again. "I haven't missed anything," she said kissing the warrior on the cheek and lying back to look skyward again.

Xena looked at the bard with amazement. There was a truth and sincerity in Gabrielle's voice that the warrior still found difficult to believe.

Gabrielle continued her thought now. "Who knows?" she began with a question, "If we had changed anything…..maybe there would have been no Joxer or Amarice… Ephiny…Eli….maybe not even Eve," she paused, "I wouldn't change it, Xena."

Xena kissed the bard on the head. They laid there for a while. Xena closed her eyes lost in her own thoughts. 'It's time,' she thought to herself. It was time for the new directions she had been contemplating for a while. Time to find a place to make some new memories. Time to have a life where adventure found them all on its own; where stillness came before chaos.

Gabrielle had never been an early sleeper, tonight would not be an exception. She looked at the warrior who had turned to her side. Xena looked peaceful. Gabrielle wondered if the warrior knew how often she had just watched the warrior sleep. Sometimes she would watch Xena for hours, just thinking about their life. In the distance there was a faint rustle. The bard smiled to herself. She knew that it could not be Joxer but the thought seemed to keep creeping into her mind. There had been so many nights like this that Joxer would make his entrance and startle her. She remembered traveling with him and Amarice and how the two bickered and squabbled like siblings. As the memory filled her she sat up again to look at the stars. She still wondered if those stars could somehow see them; if they had recorded their journey somehow; if they held the answers to what was to come. She felt a strange sense of happiness and possibility wash over her.

She spoke to herself now as she often did when writing one of her scrolls, "Looking out at the cosmos makes you think…..about where we are…where we've been…where we're going now…."

Xena sat up a bit sleepy eyed - but awake, "Yeah..it's like they're bigger now. I mean, Gabriele, what are we gonna' do? Wander around Greece our whole lives looking for trouble? Why don't we go away? Far away? What do you say?" The evening seemed to have convinced Xena that finally, it was time for something new for them…a life centered on their future instead of her past.

Gabrielle smiled. She thought Xena had fallen asleep and was surprised at the warrior's response, "I can't believe you're awake, much less listening to me."

"Let's go south to the land of the pharaohs. I hear they're in need of a girl with a chakram."


	41. Chapter 41 The Final Chapter

The Spaces Between

Chapter 41 – The Final Chapter

_This is the final chapter – after the death of Xena. It is a precursor to the story I am working on called SALVATION – which I will be concentrating on over the next few weeks and introduces a new character that is in that story._

_I will also be starting a story that follows Gabrielle's adventures between the two stories._

_You can also read the stories and see the video trailers for them on my website. I am planning to write a new story about the 'clones' and what becomes of them in the modern world, but I have not begun that yet. Writing about these characters has been tremendous fun. I'm not certain there are two characters in any literature, film, play or television show that I love more…equally - maybe Jane Craig (Holly Hunter's character) in Broadcast News…maybe Dana Scully…and MAYBE Cate Blanchett as Elizabeth…that's saying something…hope you'll check out The Bumbling Bard online too at my website. _

It was hot. The sun looked like it might touch the sand. Gabrielle sat and looked out over the incredible display before her eyes. She had always found Egypt mesmerizing. The pyramids, the monuments set amidst this never-ending sea of sand. The last time they had been here it had been painful; for them both. She had been looking forward to looking upon this place again with new eyes, and with Xena. Now she was alone. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. It had become a familiar ritual. Every time she did this she hoped that when her eyes would open the warrior would be standing beside her. Gabrielle knew that Xena could not be far. Somehow she was near, watching Gabrielle – loving Gabrielle. But, she could not see her companion now, could not hold her, could not hear her, could not touch her…. There was an emptiness inside her that she could not describe.

"I'm sorry, Xena," she said quietly. The last few weeks here had been informative for the bard. She had acquired so many skills in the years with her warrior. She could fight. She could sense danger. She knew how to plan battles. But, deep down she knew she was not a warrior. She understood the warrior's life. She understood the need to fight and she was not afraid to, but in truth she had always been a bard first and foremost. She felt alone, more alone than she ever had been.

Gabrielle turned as she sensed the presence behind her. It was the messenger she had summoned. She smiled and handed the young man a scroll. "This is to be delivered to Eli's messenger in Chin," she said. He nodded his understanding.

Gabrielle looked out over the pyramids again and sighed. "One more to send," she said as though she were speaking to someone right next to her. "It's time to go home, Xena."

For weeks Gabrielle had considered what to do. She thought about going back to the Amazons, staying with Varia and helping to build and strengthen the tribe. The Amazons held a special place in her heart but it was hardly the place she would call home. She knew that she would need to stop there on her journey back to Greece. She would need to make several stops. Scrolls were not adequate to convey the news of Xena's passing to those that loved them both. She knew that too. She would stop in Potedaia as well. She had even considered staying there. Lila and Sarah were there, and after all, they were her family. But, while she loved them dearly, Potedaia had never been a place of true comfort for the bard. She sighed again as all of these thoughts passed through her mind.

"I miss you so much," she whispered as a tear feel on her cheek. "I'm going home, Xena… at least to the only place I can make any home now." The truth was a searing pain for Gabrielle. Xena was her home. She had grown to understand that over their time together. She didn't care where they were. As long as Xena was beside her she felt complete, safe….home. Now, home was torn from her. The only place she could go was where she knew Xena felt a sense of home; Amphipolis. She would send word to Virgil and Eve to meet her there. She knew that she needed them both now. She knew, somehow, that they all needed to be together. It was as if something was speaking to her without words, Xena perhaps…. She couldn't be certain but she trusted her instinct.

The journey back to Greece was solemn. It was long and it was quiet, so very quiet. Nights seemed endless and mornings came quickly. She had suddenly become an early riser. "So strange," she thought to herself on many mornings. Xena was always up before the sun and Gabrielle normally had to be shaken to life. Now, every day she woke before the sun; if she had managed to sleep at all. She would feel beside her for the warrior and sometimes she swore that she could feel Xena holding her, kissing her forehead as she began to wake, but when her eyes opened she was always alone. There was a deep ache in her stomach, a heaviness in her chest. Some days she wondered what was left. It was as if her compass had completely broken. For so long, from the moment she saw Xena, somehow she had known that is where she belonged. She knew the warrior would be furious if she knew how often Gabrielle had wished it had been her; that she was the one gone. It would be easier. Death didn't frighten the bard. The loneliness was worse. This was her greatest fear for so long.

Once arriving in Greece she headed straight to see Varia. She was certain that word had already reached the village. It had been a full season now since she sat beside Xena on the side of that mountain. Part of her thought that she should have made this journey first. After losing Xena she felt a need to follow their plan. Egypt was supposed to be a place for them together. A place where they would fight when called upon but where they would become more still. The place where they would finally be Xena and Gabrielle. That possibility was gone and the bard needed to somehow determine who she was and who she could be without her soul mate beside her.

Varia was standing outside the queen's hut as Gabrielle approached. Varia felt queasy and uneasy. Gabrielle had a sad smile as her face came into view for the Amazon queen. Xena had been Varia's mentor and Gabrielle had taught her perhaps the most important lesson anyone ever had; the truth about devotion and family. They stood facing each other for a long moment in total silence before Varia spoke.

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

Gabrielle attempted to broaden her smile unsuccessfully, "I know you are," she said.

Varia looked at the Amazon queen that stood before her. There was something different about her. She looked the same but there was a distance in her eyes that Varia had never seen before. Even when Gabrielle was angry there had always been a light in her eyes that Varia admired. It seemed somehow now to have faded. "How are you?" Varia asked as they began to head into the queen's quarters.

Gabrielle's mouth twisted at the question. "I'm all right," she said.

Varia knew that was a lie. She also knew better than to push the issue. "Why don't you stay with us?" Varia asked of her friend. "We could really use you here. You know these girls worship you – the legend of the battling bard who became a queen and…" she stopped herself.

Gabrielle smiled and finished her statement, "And the warrior princess." She said. This was just reality. She and Xena's lives were completely enmeshed in one another's. They had been together for so long and in the new time they had entered things were different. The bard was no longer a sidekick or an afterthought in most circles. She was Xena's companion – her equal. People did not know how to separate one from the other, and the truth was neither did she.

"It's all right," Gabrielle continued. "No…..I appreciate that Varia… I do…I wanted to see you. To tell you it was true here. But, this is not my place."

Varia looked at her friend with concern. "What are you going to do?"

Gabrielle smile now. "Well, I am going to go see my sister first and her daughter. I need to see her."

Varia nodded her understanding of the bard's sentiment.

Then the bard continued, "I told Xena that when the time came I wanted to lie in Amphipolis with her and her family….The truth is I always thought I would be first….I hoped I would be."

Varia felt tears gathering in her eyes. "Gabrielle…"

Gabrielle smiled again. "She did what she felt she had to do. I know that. I need to be there. That was to be our final resting place."

Varia closed her eyes for just a second and then looked at Gabrielle. "I understand," she said.

Gabrielle looked at Varia as they each took a seat at the long table in the hut. Varia continued, "I wish you would stay, though… at least for a few days."

Gabrielle smiled, "I promise I will be back, Varia so I will stay tonight but I need to keep moving. Eve will be meeting me in Amphipolis," she paused as she tried to still her emotions, "I need to see her."

Varia smiled at the bard. A young girl entered carrying a tray of food and stopped, staring at Gabrielle in awe, her mouth open. "Lysandra," Varia began, "you can put the tray down."

The young girl's hand trembled as she set down the plate. She tried to look away but she could not help staring at the bard. Gabrielle smiled earnestly now. "Hello," she said to the young girl who turned immediately to Varia as if asking permission to speak.

Varia chuckled and gave an encouraging nod to the youngster.

"Hello," Lysandra said to Gabrielle in a whisper.

"This is Lysandra," Varia told the bard.

Gabrielle looked directly at the girl and Varia saw a slight twinkle in the bard's eye. "It is very nice to meet you Lysandra," the bard said sweetly.

The girl seemed to light up. "Queen Gabrielle is going to stay with us this evening Lysandra." The girl's eyes widened even more. Varia took a piece of fruit off the tray and looked at the bard. "You are her hero," she said with a slight wink. "Lysandra – you should go and make certain that Myrrine prepares a yurt for Queen Gabrielle."

The young girl nodded enthusiastically and began to leave when Gabrielle stopped her. "Lysandra," she said looking at the child before her. "Why don't you come to my yurt after dinner?"

Lysandra froze in her tracks as Gabrielle continued, "I would be happy to tell you about my adventures," the bard said. The young girl shook her head and ran to get things prepared.

Varia laughed, "You don't have to…"

Gabrielle still had her eyes on the young girl as she was running out. "No….it's good. I haven't told a story in a long time," she said with a tinge of sorrow in her voice. Varia understood.

The evening went as Gabrielle expected. Varia did not ask much about the experience in Jappa and the bard was glad. She knew that she would need to explain more to Lila and to Eve. She didn't like to think about that time, much less talk about it. When the young Lysandra came to the yurt Gabrielle felt the first lightness she had in many moons. She wondered what Eve had been like at Lysandra's age.

Lysandra was tentative. Gabrielle reassured her and offered her a seat in front of the fire. The young girl obliged her hero. Gabrielle looked at her with a gentleness that the young amazon had not expected. The girl very cautiously began to speak clearing the nervousness from her throat, "Queen Gabrielle…" she started.

Gabrielle could not help but laugh a bit, "Lysandra… I am just Gabrielle now… you can call me Gabrielle."

The girl was shocked. "Did you really meet Titans?" she asked innocently.

Gabrielle had not thought about the Titans in many years and the recollection brought a wide smile to her face. "Let me tell you," the bard started, "about a warrior princess, a young bard and a battle against the Titans."

For a moment she thought she saw Xena, just a faint glimmer of the warrior, sitting across from her smiling, listening to her tell her story as she had on so many journeys. She was heading home. She would be where her warrior loved so many and where she loved her warrior well and fully. How her life would change she could not know. As she looked at this young girl listening intently she smiled and thought about seeing Eve again. The child she had loved as her own.

After many stories the small child began to fade into sleep on the floor – fighting to stay awake. Gabrielle covered her as she drifted off and watched her for a few moments. Life continued. Somehow she must continue now too. She closed her eyes and pictured Xena. In her mind she heard the warrior's voice, "I will love you forever." She smiled sadly, "I love you, Xena." The morning would come whether or not she wanted it to.


End file.
